And Then There's Uncle Al

Uncle Al has been on my mind lately.  I haven't been able to visit him at the nursing home because my mom's been taking up so much of my time. 

8:38pm... Ring, Ring, Ring

Telephone?  This late?  Who could it be?

Me:  "Hi Uncle Al!" 

Uncle Al: "Oh Sue, thank God it's you!  How did you call me?"

We pay for Uncle Al to have a phone by his bed at the nursing home, so that he can call us any time, day or night.  The phone has pre-programmed buttons.  I pre-programmed all the buttons to be my home phone number.  He has a better chance of reaching us with all the buttons dialing up our number.

Uncle Al is crafty.  He knows what internal buttons of mine to push to get me to jump to action.  Well, he's pushed the buttons so much that I don't respond like I once did.  Much to Uncle Al's dismay.

My mom, she picked up the phone but decided to "lurk" and "listen."  I still don't know how she didn't laugh out loud.  Then he says to me, "Hey, you owe me!"

Me:  "I owe you?  How's that?"

His daughter stole all of his money, lost his house and dumped him in the nursing home.  She doesn't visit.  Doesn't call... and she hates my guts.  She refuses to speak with anyone in my family, especially me. 

I feel sad for Uncle Al, but he is responsible for how his daughter treats him.  He taught her that the "nuclear family" is the way of the world... mother, father, children.  NO grandparents, no aunts, no uncles... no extended family.  Family was not taught to be important.

As a result, Uncle Al's daughter was a spoiled rotten brat.  An only child who threw temper tantrums if she didn't get what she wanted.  He wouldn't bring her over to our house because my mom had so many kids, he was afraid that his daughter would get germs from us making her sick.  When she was 3 years old is when we met her for the first time.  She was starving for affection and loved being with her cousins.

Uncle Al, he travelled a lot for his job.  He wasn't home very much.  During vacations, I'd go to his house so that I could be his daughters play mate.  I wasn't a good playmate sometimes, I liked being with my aunt instead. 

My Aunt was a gourmet cook and we would watch Julia Childs on PBS and prepare fine dishes for Uncle Al.  I stayed with my Aunt while my cousin was in her room talking to herself.

I really did my best to make my Uncle's daughter feel like she was part of my family.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  I did hate how spoiled she was, especially when we'd drive by a toy store and she'd scream to go in and get a toy.  I could not believe it when Uncle Al would stop and go in and buy her a toy to shut her up.

Did Uncle Al create his own hell on Earth by not teaching his daughter about the importance of family?

In Uncle Al's mind, he believes I owe him.  I'm not sure for what, but he thinks I do.  He gets worried when I don't take him out.  He misses me.  He misses my mom. 

My mom?  After I hung up with Uncle Al I went to see how she was doing.  I found her in her bed laughing her head off as she tried to remember how Uncle Al told me that I "owe him." 

With the 2 of them, I can still see the sibling rivalry, even after all the years that have passed.  My mom is still a bit upset with her brother for not helping her so many years ago when she asked for help.  Al had money.  My mom didn't, she needed help.  Her brother told her that she needed to budget her money better and she shouldn't have had so many kids if she couldn't afford them.

Uncle Al's daughter got into trouble, she became a drug addict, totally screwed up - beat up Uncle Al, Uncle Al went out and bought her drugs... it was sick.  Uncle Al at that point realized that my mom did a good job raising her kids and he wanted to trade, he wanted all 5 of her kids and he'd give her his one spoiled psycho nut bag.  My mom's response... "no thanks."

Uncle Al saved money all his life so that he'd have a good retirement.  My mom, she was lucky she had 2 nickels to rub together to make a dime. 

Today, Uncle Al is in a shitty nursing home, waiting for me to come and take him out or call him on the phone.  My mom, sometimes she thinks she lives in a 5 star hotel and I'm her private nurse that is a Sue Impostor.

Maybe it's Karma... who knows.  I do believe in my heart that I need to help my mom and Uncle Al make amends before they pass, so wherever their souls go after this lifetime, their soul-life doesn't get stuck on a stupid groove of resentment.

I hope to surprise Uncle Al this weekend, maybe even this afternoon with a visit.  He is getting more difficult to take out for rides.  He often forgets how to get in the car.