The Mother Instinct

I am writing about Success Principles but I also want to write how I am dealing with Lewy Bodies in real life.  How I apply these principles and then report the results.

So...

Today was a rough one for Jo and me.  Lewy was screaming to break out.  My mom got nasty.

She asked if I had heard from my sister that doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  Oh man, I love my sister.  I felt like I was going to bust out crying.  I miss her.  I blurted out "no, she wont' talk to me", exactly how I'd say it if I was a kid complaining to her about one of my siblings.

My mom, she didn't remember that my sister got mad at me and cut me out of her life.  All she knows is that tomorrow is Thanksgiving and my sister and I always talked at the holiday.

That was a bad trigger.  It just put me in a horrible mood.  I know that my mood affects my mom but that didn't stop my mood from barreling forward.  Things snow balled to the point where I felt like throwing my mom's dinner at her.  Mostly because EVERYTHING that I had made her today was not good to her.

Side Note:  My mother-in-law love everything and even told me that one of my creations was exceptionally good (white bean salad with cilantro.)

I was annoyed.   I haven't had a break in over a month.  I'm tired.

It's really difficult to prepare food that my mom can eat and helps her to avoid hallucinations.  I can't count how many times she's told me that my food sucks.  Oh, not a good thing to say to me, ever.  I wait for the MMMM sounds from folks who are blessed enough to eat my cooking.  My mom knows this and when she's in a bitchy mood, like she was today, she knows the button to push to try my patience.

The button worked for her today.  I found myself bawling my eyes out.   ME!  I was crying!  How the hell did that happen?  I was doing so well, writing my success principles for care givers, living them and all of a sudden, a curve ball.  LEWY!

I did cry.  But I also thought to myself that this is an opportunity to live real life with Lewy and our alternative methods that we document for the world to see.  I pulled myself together after I got a chance to cry.  It felt good so I said, fuck it and cried by myself.

 Pulling myself together I thought that I needed to "fix" things or neither of us would sleep tonight.  I also knew that I had triggered my mom's Mother Instinct.

My mom,  she snapped out of her dementia when she was "mothering" me.  When I allowed her to be my mom, to listen to me cry and give me her advice, her comforting words... it made her feel good.  I think it helped.  We'll know tomorrow if we all get to sleep through the night.

Tonight, my mom asked me about Lewy Bodies.  She asked me to explain it to her and what we are doing to help her.  I did.  I told her what I knew about the disease.  I was able to tell her about the alternative treatments that I believe will help her a lot.  I told her our goal is to give her more good days than bad.  She said to me, "Susie, I want to beat this Lewy and I think gandhi is going to help (she meant Ashwagandha.)

I laughed.

We talked a little more and I wanted to make sure that we had a good laugh together.  I recalled our Wii work out from yesterday.

Usually, we start off with the balance games and end up with walking with our Mini-Mi.  I walk next to her, coaching her, telling her that she's doing great.  She can make it half way and I usually take it to the end for her. 

Yesterday however, I noticed her mini-mi running like I'd run.  I mean to the point where I'm really running.  I look over and her feet were not moving!

I think to my self... what the...?

My mother was cheating!!! 

She figured out that she could shake the Wii remote and get the same affect as if she was really running in place.

When I busted her for cheating, she laughed, and laughed.  I laughed. 

Today, I told my sister about my mom and how she was cheating... she cracked up and said, "Well, she's doing really good, she figured out how to cheat the exercise game!"

Tonight, I confided in my mom, I found that the Mother Instinct is stronger than Lewy.  I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, but at one point I felt 16 and my mom was my mom.  It was really great.  I even cried.  She gave me words of advice like she did oh so many years ago.  For a short moment tonight, I had my mom completely.  It was awesome.

My mom is  my Thanksgiving Miracle.