Who are we... really?

Have you ever stopped and thought about who you are and why you are where you are in life? 

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you made other choices? 

How would it have effected the people in your life? 

How would it have affected you?  Would you be different?

Or are we all here and in our situations because of Karma?  Is Karma responsible for molding us and who we are?

The definition of Karma from Dictionary.com:

Dictionary: kar·ma (kär'mə)




1.Hinduism & Buddhism. The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.


2.Fate; destiny.


3.Informal. A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling: There's bad karma around the house today.


[Sanskrit, deed, action that has consequences, karma.]



karmic kar'mic (-mĭk) adj.

I do believe in Karma, but I believe that the human spirit within me is the one with the "last" say over who and what we believe we are in this life.  I believe in past lives and the actions and deeds that we did in our other lives, carry over to this lifetime. 

Being excellent to everyone really does work to change the tides of Karma.  It's how we react that gives us good Karma points or bad points.  It's totally up to us to continue over the same tracks or blaze a new trail down Karma Road.  We can do this because we have free will.  We can break the cycles that keep us stuck, we can do it now.  The only thing holding you back is you.

Past life Regression with a trained Clinical Hypnotherapist can provide answers while helping you to figure out some of the "why" questions you may have formed in your mind.

I've done past life regression.  I had learned that I was a nun in several lifetimes, in both France and Italy, always taking a vow to love God and denounce worldly possessions.  One thing that I have learned is that once our souls take a vow, it becomes part of our souls cloth. 

Vows can almost be like a stain on a piece of cloth that is nearly impossible to extract.  I wanted answers.  I wanted to know why and who I am.  Searching ... Vows, Karma, and all the who's and why's for so many years, I began to realize that it is all about LOVE.  Love can clean the stains that vows put on our souls cloth.

Vows that our souls take at any point in time, know no boundaries between lifetimes.  A vow is a vow. 

Vows of poverty, chastity... all the insanely stupid vows that we believed at one time would make God favor us more over another, were stupid.

Personally, my life has been challenged by the vows that I had taken during other existences.  I did grow up in a financially challenged household.  I think I even dip my toe in the martyrdom pool on occassion, which is really sinful if you want to put a label on it.  

But, the one element of life that I believe has saved me from another lifetime of poverty is love.  I learned love.  I learned from my parents that love will move mountains, family love moves continents.

Everyday I think about my actions.  Somedays I'm not very good at stopping the moving locamotive that is me, who is traveling on the wrong side of the tracks, but I forgive myself and look for ways to make things right in my Universe.

Is it my Karma to care for my mom?  Did I make a vow or promise to her on a soul level that needs to be played out? Or do I care for my mom just because I love her, just like she always has loved me?

I did go to a Catholic School, thanks to my Aunt Jay.  It was in Catholic School that I learned how screwed up the Catholic Religion is... they scared me (still do - the religion appears to be a bit cultish to me.) 

The long habits with the big long rosary beds hitting the floor as the nuns walked down the school halls, freaked me out so much that I would go home from school and eat and eat and eat. 

The nuns in my school used to on occassion make us all put our heads on our desks and then asked those who wanted to be nuns and priests to raise their hands. 

Years later, when I did a past life regression and learned about my many lives as nuns, I understood why I was probably one of the few kids who DID NOT raise her hand.  That and the nuns were so damn scary I couldn't imagine being one, not even for Halloween as my brother Ed's girlfriend Rita (pictured) did so many years ago.

Be a nun?  Are you crazy?  Are you slipping into a dementia state?

All I knew is being a nun meant, none of this and none of that... FORGET IT!  This lifetime, I vowed to get it right and live the fun life where the sky is the limit.  No limitations, except for the ones that I put on myself.

So far, so good.  My life has been awesome.  I've travelled, had a great career, learn whatever I want to learn, I dream, I love and just do things for others from my heart because it allows that other person to see a part of themselves in me.  We are all connected, each of us and we all have the power with in us to achieve greatness in all that we do. 

If you believe you can, you can!

Love is all that matters.  Love from the heart and your world will transform.

And Then There's Uncle Al

Uncle Al has been on my mind lately.  I haven't been able to visit him at the nursing home because my mom's been taking up so much of my time. 

8:38pm... Ring, Ring, Ring

Telephone?  This late?  Who could it be?

Me:  "Hi Uncle Al!" 

Uncle Al: "Oh Sue, thank God it's you!  How did you call me?"

We pay for Uncle Al to have a phone by his bed at the nursing home, so that he can call us any time, day or night.  The phone has pre-programmed buttons.  I pre-programmed all the buttons to be my home phone number.  He has a better chance of reaching us with all the buttons dialing up our number.

Uncle Al is crafty.  He knows what internal buttons of mine to push to get me to jump to action.  Well, he's pushed the buttons so much that I don't respond like I once did.  Much to Uncle Al's dismay.

My mom, she picked up the phone but decided to "lurk" and "listen."  I still don't know how she didn't laugh out loud.  Then he says to me, "Hey, you owe me!"

Me:  "I owe you?  How's that?"

His daughter stole all of his money, lost his house and dumped him in the nursing home.  She doesn't visit.  Doesn't call... and she hates my guts.  She refuses to speak with anyone in my family, especially me. 

I feel sad for Uncle Al, but he is responsible for how his daughter treats him.  He taught her that the "nuclear family" is the way of the world... mother, father, children.  NO grandparents, no aunts, no uncles... no extended family.  Family was not taught to be important.

As a result, Uncle Al's daughter was a spoiled rotten brat.  An only child who threw temper tantrums if she didn't get what she wanted.  He wouldn't bring her over to our house because my mom had so many kids, he was afraid that his daughter would get germs from us making her sick.  When she was 3 years old is when we met her for the first time.  She was starving for affection and loved being with her cousins.

Uncle Al, he travelled a lot for his job.  He wasn't home very much.  During vacations, I'd go to his house so that I could be his daughters play mate.  I wasn't a good playmate sometimes, I liked being with my aunt instead. 

My Aunt was a gourmet cook and we would watch Julia Childs on PBS and prepare fine dishes for Uncle Al.  I stayed with my Aunt while my cousin was in her room talking to herself.

I really did my best to make my Uncle's daughter feel like she was part of my family.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  I did hate how spoiled she was, especially when we'd drive by a toy store and she'd scream to go in and get a toy.  I could not believe it when Uncle Al would stop and go in and buy her a toy to shut her up.

Did Uncle Al create his own hell on Earth by not teaching his daughter about the importance of family?

In Uncle Al's mind, he believes I owe him.  I'm not sure for what, but he thinks I do.  He gets worried when I don't take him out.  He misses me.  He misses my mom. 

My mom?  After I hung up with Uncle Al I went to see how she was doing.  I found her in her bed laughing her head off as she tried to remember how Uncle Al told me that I "owe him." 

With the 2 of them, I can still see the sibling rivalry, even after all the years that have passed.  My mom is still a bit upset with her brother for not helping her so many years ago when she asked for help.  Al had money.  My mom didn't, she needed help.  Her brother told her that she needed to budget her money better and she shouldn't have had so many kids if she couldn't afford them.

Uncle Al's daughter got into trouble, she became a drug addict, totally screwed up - beat up Uncle Al, Uncle Al went out and bought her drugs... it was sick.  Uncle Al at that point realized that my mom did a good job raising her kids and he wanted to trade, he wanted all 5 of her kids and he'd give her his one spoiled psycho nut bag.  My mom's response... "no thanks."

Uncle Al saved money all his life so that he'd have a good retirement.  My mom, she was lucky she had 2 nickels to rub together to make a dime. 

Today, Uncle Al is in a shitty nursing home, waiting for me to come and take him out or call him on the phone.  My mom, sometimes she thinks she lives in a 5 star hotel and I'm her private nurse that is a Sue Impostor.

Maybe it's Karma... who knows.  I do believe in my heart that I need to help my mom and Uncle Al make amends before they pass, so wherever their souls go after this lifetime, their soul-life doesn't get stuck on a stupid groove of resentment.

I hope to surprise Uncle Al this weekend, maybe even this afternoon with a visit.  He is getting more difficult to take out for rides.  He often forgets how to get in the car.