Who knew that 3 old ladies could create such a disturbance in ones life?
My mom, she's the crazy one with some form of Alzheimer's. I believe it's Lewy Bodies Dementia. She's been nuts for a little more than two years.
Today she hates me. She knows that it hurts me when she tells me that I'm not her family; mom manages to sling this at me when I'm down. Today, she yelled, "You are not my family! I want my family!"
My mom likes to make me cry. She thinks there's 3 of me. I'm waiting for evening to change my cloths so that she thinks I'm the nurse that she likes.
My mom doesn't like Jay living here with us, so she's making life a living hell for me and everyone else in my house.
I have cried for days. My heart is heavy. My world feels like it's collapsing around me. I just can't hold up all of these old ladies, not with out a break. I haven't had a break in weeks. I need a break more than I've ever needed one. I don't know when one will come. Sigh.
All of my spare time, little as it was, has been consumed by my aged Aunt Jay. An Aunt that I love with all of my heart.
Jay has been there for me my entire life; I owe her. She's been there for everyone. Now, when she needs me most, I can't help her.
I am too stressed out. It's too hard juggling everyone and everything, spreading myself thin in order to make everyone happy. No one is happy, especially me... I'm miserable. I KNOW that no one can make anyone happy, but for some retarded reason, I tried. I failed miserably. I lost my focus of making myself happy first.
Somehow, living with someone who is insane seems to create more insanity. It's a very weird energy, an energy that I'm beginning to believe can turn the most sane person into a babbling idiot.
Will respite help me to deal with the crazy energy or am I destined to be a nut too?
The stress isn't good for Jay. I asked her to leave two days ago but she told me she can't leave, she's worrying about me. For some reason she thinks if she's here praying the Rosary, she can fix all of this trouble. Unless of course the Blessed Virgin comes down herself and fixes things, I'll start to say the Rosary every day too.
Jay sees that I need a break. She wants to help me with my mom, but my mom considers her a "Butt-in-ski". My mom's got a bad attitude when it comes to Jay helping. Initially, Jay helped and her help was graciously accepted by my mom. Then, Jay had to put in her two cents and sided with me on something, my mom immediately turned on her one time best friend.
... then there's my MIL. She's got all her marbles. She keeps to herself and rarely butts in. I feel bad that she has to live in this crazy nightmare of mine. I feel bad for my husband too for reasons too numerous to list. If I did, it may send me into a depression!
Life with three old ladies is intense. I think I could handle things better if I had more frequent breaks. I'm in a rut. I need respite in order to schedule more respite.
Help! Are there any volunteers that can step up and give me a day off so that I can do what I need to get regularly scheduled respite? Please. I really need help. I'm dying over here. Thanks in advance.
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Susan, you must get some help. You cannot do it all the time with no break. If there are no actual respite care centers in your area, try hiring someone. What about your church, is there any kind of program or any church ladies that would be willing to help? I know your husband is supportive, but can you ask him for more of his help? But most of all, you must try very hard not to let your mom make you cry! She does not have control over what is happening to her. And she most definitely never would purposely hurt you if she were healthy. It is your mom's illness talking NOT your mom!
ReplyDeleteAnd lastly, the rest of your family are amazingly aloof! She is their mom too, they have a responsibility to assist your mom.
If you are going to keep your own sanity and your own health, you must accept that sometimes, despite your very best efforts, things are not going to improve, but that is not your fault. No matter how you slice it, this is not a good situation and you cannot do it alone. Is it time to consider another alternative?
Mellodee, I KNOW I need help - it's easier said than done. We are working on it.
ReplyDeleteAs for judging people, even my family, I don't have a right to judge anyone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with tragedy.
For the first year that my mom had begun to show symptoms of dementia, I had asked for help. I got advice, just like here in your comment. Dementia is scary and when it happens to a parent, people are even more frightened to step up.
Everyone needs to face Alzheimer's in their own way. All I can do is hope that they come to terms with the illness before it's too late and they have years of regrets.
Care Giver's do not need advice. When we ask for help, we know that we need; we need physical help.
I get the whole thing about my mom not being my mom. Again, easier said than done; when one is burned out it's easy to cry. I know that I can't do this alone.
Thank you for your advice.