"Ma, want to come in the pool with me?" I ask
"No." My mom answers.
"Ma, would you help me make dinner by breaking the ends off these string beans?" I ask my mom.
"No." My mom answers.
It's always NO.
Why? Why is she so disagreeable?
I looked on the internet for an answer. Understanding what causes these behaviors with my mom's illness is key to ending them just as quickly as they began. My mom is lashing out because she is losing the feeling of control over her life. My mom uses the word NO in order to gain control of her life, even if it means saying NO to something that she really wants.
What do I do when she never wants to do anything that I suggest? Sitting idle is bad news, she hallucinates or becomes delusional causing unwanted behaviors.
I need help, how do I turn everything is NO into YES? How do I get my ward to do things that will create an illusion that she is still in control of her life? How do I ask the questions so that the idea sounds like it came from her and not me?
My mom is scared and she's lashing out. She realizes that she can not do things on her own anymore and it is pissing her off, she is mad and beginning to blame me for her inabilities. Should I stop helping her? I don't know.
Patience is something that I only read about these days; I'm totally burned out from Care Giving. The Visiting Angels are sending a human angel today, she'll spend 5 hours with my mom so that I can have time to help myself.
What will I do with my gift of time from my sister and her husband? Not sure but I can assure you that whatever I do will bring me happiness.
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Try: "Ma, you don't want come in the pool with me?"
ReplyDeleteBLOGitse
Reverse logic always works! Thanks Blogitse.
ReplyDeleteWhat I will try after reading an article by another care giver, who I didn't record her name - but her mom was a librarian. This smart woman said something that made me come up with a possible solution. I'll give my mom two choices including what I want her to do. I'll say something like, "Ma, do you want to sit in the hot sun over there or do you want to come in the pool?"
I'll give her a choice even though they are my choices, she'll still feel like she has control.
I gave it a try already today and it worked out really well. No arguments!
wow, that's great!
ReplyDeleteMy mom will be the same, I'm sure...
It's good to know all the tricks when needed! :)
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