I was not in the mood to be awake, let alone immediately "on duty" even before I had a sip of coffee. My mom was not doing anything wrong, except that she was awake and ready to start moving before I was ready.
I started to cry.
My mom didn't know what was wrong, she was upset because I was crying, she didn't know why. I didn't either, the tears just poured out of my eyes. My mom sat in her chair and began praying aloud, "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee...." She got up and went to her room as she walked down the hall praying. I cried. I cried even more when I heard that I had scared my mom with my tears.
My mom was afraid that the men in the white coats would come and take me away like they did to her mother and sister. My mom was a young teenager when her mom and sister were committed to a mental institution. She always feared this would happen to one of her children, she feared it was happening to me. I felt like it was happening to me, my insides were shaking and the rash on my arm was burning in pain from the brief relief caused by my scratching.
Tuesday. All I needed to do was hang on until Tuesday when the Visiting Angel was coming to give me a break. I couldn't. I didn't have the strength. My well of stamina was dry, I was sunk. I cried. My mom prayed to BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary).
My mom gave me space. She had enough wits about her to leave me alone, she was having a good day and I was on the verge of sabotaging it with my feeling of hopelessness. A feeling that my mom was feeling because of me! Thank God for BVM.
I gave my mom her sister's Rosary Beads, beautiful crystal beads with a silver chain holding them all together. My mom grasped the beads and her eyes got teary, she thanked me with a quivering lower lip and then she gave me a hug and said, "Everything will be OK Susie." My mom was back for a brief moment. It was nice to have my mom hug me.
Knowing how my mom loses things, I put the beads around her neck. She sat on the patio, holding her beads while she prayed to my favorite Catholic Saint, the Blessed Virgin Mary.
I wrote my blog post while she was outside. I wrote to everyone, including my sister Donna. I needed to understand why she abandoned me; it bothered me to think that I did something wrong to piss her off. I cried. I missed my sister. I needed her wicked bad.
I cried and prayed for a miracle. I prayed for my own angel to swoop in and come to my aid. I couldn't wait until Tuesday.
Send Me All Angels!
Donna replied to my note, a short note, "I'll be there at 11am. I hope you can Brian can go out." I cried. I bawled my eyes out. My sister, my sister Donna, heard my cry. She was coming to help me. I was excited, but I cried. I couldn't stop. It was like the flood gates were opened, my tears flowed uncontrollably.
I pulled myself together so that I could tell my mom that she was going out. Mom was sitting on the patio, holding her sister's Rosary Beads when I walked down the stairs to tell her the good news. "Donna's coming! She'll be here soon. Let me fix your hair."
I set my mom's hair so that it wouldn't look so wild. I know that she likes to look nice when she goes out and if her hair is messy, it affects her behaviors. My mom was happy to hear that Donna was coming.
I was at the back yard gate when I saw it open. It was my sister Donna. I hugged her. I cried. I sobbed. I couldn't believe my eyes. She looked like an angel with her big bright shiny face. My sister, she came, she came to help me. I was overwhelmed with joy and love, my family... they haven't forgotten about me!
Off my mom went with Donna, I had 5 hours to myself. Brian and I went to our favorite Chinese Restaurant. Our favorite waiter served us, he knows what soup I like and he always knows that I need a Mai Tai as soon as we are seated; he knows that I'm my mom's care giver. Joe the waiter, served me. Even though we were getting the buffet, he still brought us our soup and dry noodles, followed by a strong Mai Tai with a string of maraschino cherries on a plastic toothpick. I know that these cherries are not good for me but I love them and only have them every so often in a strong Mai Tai.
I had 3 Mai Tai's. I got bombed. It felt good to be drunk at 1pm and strolling the local hardware store with my husband. O'Connor's Hardware is the best, it reminds me of the type of stores from my childhood. The place brings me back to a happier time.
Brian is funny, he knows how to make me laugh. He is a born comedian who is very smart... hey, he married me didn't he?!
Donna gave me a CD when she walked through the gate. Kris Allen's CD, the winner of American Idol last year.
Immediately I ripped it into my media center. The first song that started to play was "Send Me All Angels." I busted out crying as I listened to the song. The words of the song touched me, it was as though the answer to my prayers were answered and the song, "Send Me All Angels" was the sign to tell me that help is here and more is coming.
I love angels. I love BVM. I love my family, they are my angels. Thank you all for coming to my rescue. The rash on my arm... well, it's going away! It doesn't itch as much today and it's not as red. My angels, all of you are helping me. Thank you for saving me from despair.
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