Jay Needs Help

My little Aunt Jay, the woman who spent lots of time playing with me when I was a little girl, has dementia.

It was sad to see her in such a horrid state of mind, Jay always had a strong mind. She used to dress to kill with outfits that reminded me of really awesome Barbie Doll cloths. She had matching purses and shoes to go with every outfit. I loved how Jay dressed.

Jay took care of my Bacci (I am probably spelling it wrong, but it's how I spell Grammy in Polish), she was my Grandmother's Care Giver. I learned the lesson from Jay that we need to take care of our elders, especially our parents. I loved Bacci.

Jay was my role model when I was growing up. I wanted to be just like her. Jay loves Jesus, I love the Blessed Virgin Mary. Jay prays, I meditate. Jay goes to church, I sit in nature. It's really all the same spiritual vibe, Jay and I take different paths to reach the same point.

So, this weekend, I took care of my Aunt Jay. She laughed a lot and acted silly, just like when I was a little girl. I had flashbacks to the days when I'd sleep over Jay's house and we'd eat ice cream, stay up late and watch Bob Newhart and Mary Tyler Moore - first runs of the shows. This weekend, we ate ice cream, stayed up late and watched re-runs of Newhart and Mary Tyler Moore.

Jay has paranoia. She hallucinates. Her judgement is totally off. She wears the same thing every day. It's so sad to see her frail and limping along.

Yesterday I took her shopping with my mom and me. We went to Petco for cat food; she loved this store. Next we went to Trader Joe's and picked up a few things. From there we went to Whole Foods; my mom needed to see my dad, she wanted to see if Jay could see him too.

My mom ran ahead in the stores, like she usually does. She has her places in the stores where she sees my dad and always runs for those areas first to "check." Yesterday, my mom saw my dad in Whole Foods, she was thrilled. She told us that he was sleeping when we walked in and then jumped up and ran away. She was laughing.

Jay, didn't see my dad. She followed my mom all around the store like the tortoise and the hare. Jay walked a lot yesterday.

We got home and I made them a 1/2 of a turkey sandwich on spelt wheat bread with a little cup of soup from the dish that I had made the night before. Jay fell asleep on the recliner in my mom's room.

My mom got nervous when Jay was sleeping. She found my husband and told him that she thinks something is wrong with Jay. I went and checked on Jay and she looked like a corpse. Mouth open with shallow breathing. Jay gasps for breath when she's sleeping; I wonder if the mold in her apartment is affecting her respiration?

My mom later said to me, "Jay needs to stay here longer, you aren't done helping her yet, she's in rough shape."

When we first moved in with my new husband, my mom was paranoid like Jay. She accused my mother in law of rummaging through her things. Initially, I believed my mom because I didn't know my MIL very well at that time. The stories got more wild that my mom told and I began observing strange behaviors, just like the ones I observed with Jay this weekend.

Jay needs help. She can't live alone anymore. Her apartment needs to be gutted and rebuilt. All of her friends are sick or in a nursing home; they don't go to church together like they once did. Her cats are sick too.

Jay wants to feel better. I keep suggesting that she see Dr. Barton because he helped my mom so much. But she won't see him, she thinks traditional doctors know everything. Jay believes in Pharmaceuticals, she does not believe in nutritious food. Jay buys cheap food, she has bought in to the system where she ingests cheap food and needs the drugs. She's not on ANY vitamins, no magnesium, no calcium, no Vitamin D3, no fish oil... nothing except pharma drugs, one being coumadin. She tells me that she "can't have vitamins because of the coumadin."

Jay wants to feel better but she has dementia. Her thinking is skewed. She doesn't have a Healthcare Proxy. Every time I ask her about it she tells me that my cousin will be mad because she's her HCP. I learned from my cousin that she never signed the HCP paper.

Jay doesn't understand how important it is to have an HCP in place. I will talk to her all the way to the hospital. I'll work on convincing her to sign it because if something happens during the procedure and she doesn't have the HCP, the hospital will make her decisions for her.

I've noticed Jay's blood pressure is always high and her blood sugar is high. Jay is also pre-diabetic from the blood glucose tests that I've been taking on her in the morning. She won't let anyone go into the doctor visit with her because she's bashful. She doesn't want anyone to know what's wrong with her. Jay has been like this for as long as I can remember.

I'm sorry to my cousins if I was flinging accusations about you; I didn't realize how demented Jay had become. Jay was able to pull herself together for phone conversations. Jay did begin calling me, telling me about her hallucinations, hallucinations that I believed were real. Jay needs help. She has no children, just nieces and nephews... Jay needs our help.