MIL had both eyes operated on this past winter and had done her usual research before her surgery. MIL told Jay about a fine needle... that's all Jay heard. She waited to feel the pain of the needle during her procedure today and it never came.
This morning at 1:30am Jay woke up and went across the hall to MIL's room, "Rachel? I think I'm going to be late for my surgery, no one is up." Rachel told her to go back to sleep, she had 5 hours before it was time to wake up.
My MIL told me today that she understands a little more of what I have been going through; Jay woke her up in the middle of the night. My mom woke me every night for months and then I discovered Ashwagandha. It cures insomnia. My mom sleeps through the night every night.
We had to wait 5 hours for Jay, it was a long wait. My mom was doing great waiting, listening to her music while I chatted with another woman waiting for her husband who was having day surgery. I would have preferred to have read my book.
Jay was rolled out, I got the instructions and ran to get the car. I left my mom with the nurse who wheeled Jay downstairs with my mom walking close beside Jay.
In the car, my mom told me that she didn't want to go to Jay's doctor follow up. I told her that she could stay home because we'd be fast. That's when she said, "I want to go in the pool." I told her that no one can go in the pool when no one is home. She got mad at me. Great. Just what I needed. I sang "La La La La La, Life is wonderful... La la la la la, life is wonderful..." I sang this out loud all the way home as Jay and my mom sat in silence.
We got home. Jay can't see at all out of her eye that wasn't operated on and the eye that had the cataract removed was bandaged; Jay was blind.
Jay insisted on walking around the house, BLIND! I have a couple of steps in my house where I worry about her falling. I brought her lunch in bed. She wanted to get up. I told her no, it would be better for her to chill out and stay still in bed. I explained to her about the step and how she could fall. She wanted to get up anyway.
"OK Jay, you can get up but I'm telling you now, that if you fall and break a hip, you will be in a nursing home. You have to listen to me. You are making it very difficult for me to take care of you because you are so damn stubborn. I wish you'd just lay down and sleep, you need to rest so that your eye can heal!" I insisted.
Jay went to lay down, she took a nap. I had just one old lady to keep track of... my mom.
I began writing this post yesterday and had to stop because things got intense.
Jay's Nurse Practitioner called me back, I had called to find out when to give her Coumadin again and how much. The nurse told me that Jay is forgetful. I told the nurse what I have observed, that Jay has signs of dementia.
She's paranoid and gets scared easily. Jay is a little girl these days, just like my mom. Taking care of two people with dementia, by myself, is hard. I am exhausted and hope I can get through one more day before I bring Jay to my cousin's so that she can pick up the eye drop duty, four weeks of drops.
Here's my assessment. Jay should not live alone. Period. I plan on calling her nurse practitioner today and ask her who can help us with Jay. How do we convince her that she can't stay in her apartment alone? She needs constant attention.
Yesterday, Jay was talking non-stop about her eye. Asking my mother in law about her procedure, comparing her experience with my MIL's... both were different. Jay started to believe that her doctor butchered her because she couldn't see. She made me take the patch off so that she could see, she couldn't. I tried to explain to her that it takes time to heal and that tomorrow (today) will be a better day.
Jay was still wound up. The phone rang. It was my sister Donna. I filled her in with what has been going on over the weekend, primarily that I took Jay home to my house. She wanted more details, but I didn't have the time to spend on the phone. I wanted her to talk to my mom so that I could tend to Jay.
"Susan! Susan! Susan! I NEED YOU! SUSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Jay hollered over and over again from her chair in the sun room.
I told my sister that I needed to find out what was going on in the kitchen, I handed my mom the phone.
In the kitchen I found Jay and my MIL. Both were standing in the kitchen asking me questions about the prescription that needed to be filled. My plan was to wait until my husband got home from work so that I could go to the pharmacy.
My MIL was now involved, "When are you getting Jay's prescription? She needs it..." I can't remember much more about what she was saying, at this point I was pissed.
My mom came out of her room holding the phone, holding it out for me to take... my sister wanted to talk to me more. I just couldn't do talk to her with 3 old ladies all wound up.
"For the love of God, will you all just relax!" I screamed.
"Jay, you are behaving like a little brat. You have to chill out and wait your turn. I am doing the best that I can. Relax for Christ sake!" I blurted out thoughts that should have been kept to myself but these old ladies pushed me over the edge with the constant calling of my name for NO good reason.
"I didn't have a minute to explain myself to everyone, I am moving as fast as I can. Jay! You didn't want Haddock because you believe it has worms because your friend Lorraine told you that it has worms. I made a special dinner for you, chicken soup which took extra time. I am constantly being interrupted by all of you while I'm making dinner, time that I needed to get dinner on the table for everyone before midnight." I was frustrated and they all knew it. My MIL ran off to her room and my mom ran off to her room. Jay was left sitting alone with no vision, frustrated that she couldn't see as well as everyone promised her.
I asked Jay for her insurance card so that I could go to my local pharmacy to get the eye drops that Jay needed to use starting today.
"Oh no, I use CVS." She said to me.
"I know but I can go to Walgreens, it's closer. I need your insurance card." I asked calmly.
"Oh no, my insurance is only good for CVS." She insisted.
"Well, can you give me the card because I will need it to fill your prescription." I asked again.
She gave me the card and I ran out the door, leaving my husband with 3 crazy old ladies.
38 minutes.
I had 38 minutes to myself and it was awesome. I walked around Walgreens while I waited for the prescription to be filled. I talked to the pharmacist. I had peace, even if it was only for 38 minutes.
I got home and my husband met me at the door, "What took you so long?" He asked.
"I was gone 38 minutes. 10 minutes to the store, 10 minutes back and 18 minutes waiting for the prescription." I answered.
It seemed much longer that I was gone. I came home happier.
I wanted to drink some wine but I was still on duty. It was now 7:45pm. I still had not had dinner. I was tired and just wanted all the old ladies to go to bed.
Ring Ring!
The phone rang just as I was sitting down for a few minutes to have a glass of wine. It was my cousin. I told her how I yelled at Jay, about the Susan! Susan!... how I told her that she was behaving like a little brat... I made my cousin laugh so hard that she nearly peed her pants. We laughed about all the insanity.
My mom is always in bed by 8pm and she sleeps through the night. Jay on the other hand is a freaking night owl who always wants coffee before bed. Last night, she didn't get her bedtime coffee.
I had my cousin talk to Jay, I knew it would make Jay feel happy to know that someone is thinking of her. I had about 40 minutes break while Jay talked to Lin on the phone. My mom was in bed and my MIL was getting ready to tuck herself in.
Ten o'clock rolled around and all my wards were in bed. No time to spend with my husband, which really bummed me out. I stayed awake and drank a little wine, enjoying my time alone.
I fell asleep fast and was woken at 5am by Sammy Mammy. He wanted to go out.
I jumped out of bed when I heard the floor boards squeak. It was my mom. Fully dressed at 5:30AM wondering how she was going to "get out of here." She got dressed immediately when she woke up, something that I really can't stand. It stresses me out.
My mom is stressed out with Jay being here. My mom is demented and can't handle it when I give attention to anyone except her. She has gotten upset with me in the past for spending time with my husband instead of her. I believe my mom's insecurity is rearing it's ugly head because she felt that she needed to "get out of here." This morning, my mom didn't know where she was... Oh joy.
I will bring Jay to my cousin's tomorrow. I hope my sister takes my mom out over the weekend or at least comes over and spends time in the pool with her so that my husband and I can get away. I haven't had a break in 2 weeks and I need it badly.
It sucks to get old. Seniors that are stubborn suck and I'm not afraid to tell them NO. They push and test just like a kid... I also realized that Jay never took me seriously either. She never believed I'd be the one to help her.
Surgery Day gave me a headache.
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