All's Well That Ends Well

It's been a whirlwind having my Aunt Jay living with us.  The change in my mom's environment created an upset, one that I sort of expected but not to the extent that it all happened.

Jay needed help.  Her nurse practitioner told her that she needed help, especially before her cataract surgery.  Jay called me for help, help to get food for her cats.  I asked a few questions and realized that she needed food for herself too.  She needed drops put in her eyes before surgery.  She couldn't see.  She was shaky.  Jay was frailer than I've ever seen her.  When I hugged her, I felt like I needed to be super gentle or she'd snap in two pieces.

In Jay I saw the nightmare that I've had my entire life, that I'd be alone as an old lady.  I never wanted children of my own, the whole idea seemed ludicrous to me.  I had nephews and a niece.  I always believed they'd help me when I was an old lady.

Helping my mom, I realize the idea that my nephews and my niece would take care of me when I was an old lady was an unrealistic expectation.

Care Giving, it's a hard job, a thankless job, a job that requires very thick skin... it's a job that's not for everyone, sometimes I even wonder if it's for me.  I've been doing a form of care giving my entire life, mostly with seniors.  However, as difficult as this unpaid job is, Care Giving for a senior member of ones family is the most rewarding experience of one's life.

We have had upsets over the last couple of days.  I cried and sobbed a lot.  I'm overwhelmed because I'm so darn tired from the stress.  I really need a break bad.

Thanks to my sister Ann, she got the ball rolling for respite for me.  Unfortunately, the woman called at the worst possible time.  I had a melt down.  I was in the middle of a shit storm.  My mom was super demented.  She was angry with my aunt and even yelled at her, "You be quiet.  You are not my friend anymore!"  My mom was a lunatic.

I cried.  I sobbed.  I cried and cried.  I screamed a primal scream.  The pressure was intense.  I thought for a few minutes that I was going to have to go to a hospital.  Jay wouldn't leave me alone, she wanted to talk.  My head was aching.  So many problems with no solutions.  I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was getting way too heavy.

I sat alone for 5 minutes and thought about the homeopathic remedy that Dr. Barton had given my mom while we were in his office earlier in the day.  He had listened to her talk and talk about her 7 weddings and different birds hiding in the tree outside his office window.  Before we left, he gave her a few drops of Hyoscyamus Niger 12C, here's a url  at ABC Homeopathy that describes the use for this homeopathic remedy.

Dr. Barton suggested I wait until the following day to give her more, he wanted me to observe her and then write him a note.  Driving home, my mom was giggling and laughing.  She was in fine spirits.  She just loves Dr. Barton and talking to him.  He's her favorite doctor.

I began to lay out the afternoon plans for my mom so that she wouldn't be surprised.  She doesn't like surprises, they always seem to cause huge behavior problems.  I told her that we'd have lunch and then we'd go food shopping.  She didn't want to come along.  She wanted to sit in the yard because she believed that she was getting married to some good looking guy.  I told her that she could stay home with Jay.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" My mom screamed at me.

She was peeved with my aunt.  She felt like she was bossing her around.  She hasn't been, she's just been watching her for me.  A job that Jay takes serious.

After a couple of hours of insanity, I said to myself, "She needs another dose."  So, I got her blue shot glass and put a few drops in a little water and said to my mom in the middle of her outburst, "Here, drink this."

I walked away and left her in the room with Jay.

Moments had passed and I went back in the room with Jay and my mom.  Everything had changed.  It was better.  My mom was my old mom who was laughing and joking with Jay as they watched TV.  Jay turned to me with her mouth on the floor, wide eyed and said, "Susan, I can not believe the change.  It's amazing."

My mom gave Jay a hug.  Jay hugged my mom.  I hugged my mom.  Jay hugged me.  I hugged Jay.  This hugging fest went on for about 5 minutes with a few, "I love you's" thrown in for good measure.

Yesterday, Jay prayed the entire Rosary.  She felt so bad but didn't take my mother seriously.  I did.  I was so embarrassed and crushed that my mother was being so mean to my dear old Aunt Jay.  An aunt who was always here for us, ALWAYS.  I sobbed and cried for Jay.  Jay, she prayed.

Yesterday, when I took my mom out to the market for a few things, my MIL asked Jay if she wanted to go for a little walk.  Jay walked with my MIL, she had a nice time.  I love my MIL for helping my Jay.  Helping Jay helps me.  I love her for that gesture.

Last night, they both ate all of their dinner.  Oven fried chicken thighs and steamed fresh vegetables.  Lots of vegetables.  They had ice cream for dessert and coffee while they watched Wheel of Fortune.  My mom was happy.  Jay was happy.

All's well that ends well.