13 November 2010
The Return of The Good Days
Happiness is filling her life quickly; she is laughing at TV and singing along to Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin again. My mom is more relaxed about where she lives and no longer argues with me when we pull in the driveway.
"Awww geee, this isn't my home. Take me home!" She demanded more and more frequently. I became more and more stressed.
Getting her in the house was challenging, often she refused to get out of the truck as she begged me to take her home. The key she once wore around her neck was missing. I cried.
The change in her mood and behavior is directly tied to my moods; I'm burned out and have a hard time keeping a smile on my face. Smiles on my face are indicative to the amount of smiles that I have in my heart; my heart has been running on fumes for a very long time.
"Ma, sorry, you gotta go to a home." Words that seemed to shake the ground beneath her feet. She didn't want to go but she knew during her lucid moments that caring for her was too much for me without help. I cried a lot, often just busting out crying for no reason at all. Sadness was taking over and like a cancer, it was affecting my mom, her behaviors were more difficult to manage; sleepless nights had returned. My mom's cries pierced the night time silence, "I want to go home! How do I get out of here?"
I prayed a bunch, more than I've ever prayed. I cried a lot. I lost my appetite and lost a few pounds (yay!)
Then... we had a miracle occur. We have real help coming and my mom can stay home. The news sounds too good to be true. I assured her that it's real, that it's really happening; help is coming.
Peace is restored. My mom has slept through the night for the last 3 nights. Her blood pressure is much better. I'm calmer. I sing a lot again, a sign to my mom that I'm happy. The return of the good days is welcomed. I look forward to seeing her dance again.