The Mind Of Care Giving

Care Giving often seems as though it has a mind of it's own.  The Care Giver is just the pawn in life, often we appear numb and in a state of automatic pilot.

Care Givers, we don't think, we just do.  We spend our days and nights doing for others, forgetting about ourselves.

"It's in the doing," a lesson that I had learned years ago during my Spiritual training.  It's easy for people to give of themselves to others, we look outside of ourselves, rarely looking in to our own souls needs.  Doing.  We do this, we do that, but does it have any real meaning in the big scheme of life itself?

What we do today, will it matter tomorrow?

Care Giver's, we are doers in the now;  doing does matter to our loved one but does it matter to us?

Why do we care?  Why do we do for others when ignoring ourselves?  Are we sinning against ourselves when we lean too much one way in caring; forgetting about our own needs for a satisfying life?  Where's the balance?

Life is sacred.  To me, life isn't about an unborn fetus, but the sanctity of life.  Life begins the day we first take a breath and ends the moment we take our last breath.  Young and old, it doesn't matter, life is worth pursuing  because we have so many opportunities to experience love, happiness, sadness and every emotion in the middle.

Our lives as Care Giver's is sacred too.   I often forget about myself in the midst of all the doing that I do; is this a crime against myself?  To forget who I am and that my life has value too.  Should I be doing something else?

Left or right.  Up or down.  Someday's I do find that I'm lost, seeking the exit from Care Giving as though it's my only hope for surviving the insanity that is beginning to engulf my life.  Tears flow like a fast moving river, water, water, everywhere with a solution that is in sight, but not within my reach.

Do I wait?  Do I move forward?  What is the right answer?  Second guessing.  It's all becoming one big blur looking through tear soaked eyes.

One minute I feel that I've made the right decision and then the next moment when I hit road blocks, I begin to wonder if I should wait.  I don't know anymore.  I'm scared.  I'm confused.  My mind is spinning with "what if" scenarios as I think about throwing in the towel.  Often people quit just before success is attained... am I fooling myself?

I really don't know.  The mind of Care Giving is a strong force that is fueled by love.  Today, I pray.  I pray that I make the right decisions where success is achieved no matter if my mom stays home with me or moves to a nursing facility.  Time has my answers.  Today, I pray for the patience to wait and the inner ear to hear the answer.