My nephews will attest to this fact of my weak stomach; when the kids were little, they found it amusing how they could say anything gross and I would begin to dry heave. It was so much fun for them that they'd gather their friends for the "let's see if we can make Sue gag" show. Yes, they did make me gag... talk of shit always did the trick. My active imagination would always make me able to experience the words the kids would say to me.
It's now 2010 and my mom is still living with me only now she's got what we believe to be Lewy Bodies Dementia. The illness seems to cause the body to just explode with shit, no warning, just streams of shit flying out of ones asshole; the one thing that can make me gag.
It sucks for everyone involved, especially me, the person who has to clean up the crap .... remember, I have a weak stomach for anything icky. Shit is at the top of my icky list.
My mom's been wearing the pull up disposable underwear, they help save me from having to clean up a trail of shit. I don't know what happened, when she took those pants off last night but I woke up this morning to find her laying asleep in her bed, half dressed in her street cloths. No socks. No shirt. Just her jeans and her sweater that buttons up the front, of course she didn't have it buttoned.
The room was still dark at 6 AM. I covered her and went to make myself a cup of coffee. I looked in her bathroom on the way out and was horrified with what I had seen. It looked like she had a shit party with feces all over the places. I started to cry.
Later when the lights were on I noticed a trail of shit from her bed to the closet and then to the bathroom. She got lost in her room and didn't make it to the toilet.
I sobbed.
We crossed the line that I had drawn in my mind decades ago; I can't ignore the fact that my mom could now be incontinent. Fuck!
(apologies to my readers who have a hard time with the F-bomb but it's the only word that describes how I'm feeling right now.)
Posts
This makes me so sad to read, but I am so glad you are finding an outlet.
ReplyDeleteAwful.
Oh Susan,
ReplyDeleteReading this post, it's like we are twins. I suffer the same gag reflex and told myself that when the time came that Mom couldn't manage the bathroom I would have to make other arrangements. Like you, she is still with me. A few months ago I awoke to a crash in the night. Her bedroom door wouldn't open. She had fallen against it. I was in panic and eventually got in. She was a mess. Same story - couldn't find her way out of the room in the dark and tripped and fell when trying to hide the evidence. I sat on the floor and sobbed too.
Now I often think that I hope I have someone who will do the same for me if necessary. Hang in there - you are not alone.
Kim
@ Ann... Thank you for your note. It's very sad - breaks my heart.
ReplyDelete@ Kim... Thank you for your note. I'm sorry that you have to experience the pain of Care Giving. I understand the panic that you feel, it's part of our lives.
All I know is I will do ALL THAT I CAN to take good care of my health so that I don't run down the same hole as my mom.
Mom didn't eat right; everything was always quick and fast - processed foods - canned vegetables. I never ate fresh vegetables until I was out on my own. I tried broccoli for the first time when I was 18!
On a happy note, because of my mom, I have learned how real food is medicine for good health and that junk food promotes illness.