How Did I Do It?

Mom... just before she started falling down all the time.

There is a life out there for my husband and me!

Care Giving for my mom... how did I do it?  How did I function, day in and day out with minimal sleep?  How did I clean up my mom's poo?

The anxiety that I felt every minute of every day... holy crap, HOW DID I DO IT!

How did I wake up every day, knowing that I could have to clean up a mountain of human feces before I even had a cup of coffee?

How did I answer all of my mom's questions about my dead relatives?  How did I make up stories to calm my mom when her hallucinations frightened her?

How did I do it?

How did I manage, caring for my mom when my mother-in-law was so nasty and mean toward me?

How did I care for my mom when she fought my assistance, assistance that she needed but didn't understand?

How did I do it?

How did I do all that I did by myself without much support from my family?

How did I overcome my anger and grief?

How did I do it?

I have given this question some considerable thought and the only answer I have is... LOVE.

The power of love allowed me to keep going, every day, facing one challenge after another.  Love is how I did it.  It's how all Care Giver's do what we do for the people in our care.

Love is what guided me toward placing my mom in a home.  I couldn't care for her any longer.  I needed a crew, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It was hard to bring my mom to the home.  I was forced to face one of my greatest fears, putting my mom in a nursing home.

Now that the first week is behind us, every day is easier.  I am more relaxed, sleeping through the night without my heart racing from fear; fear of what I'd find when I got to my mom.  Blood pressure has normalized.  I feel terrific.

How did I do it?  Love.