Ass-U-Me

Assumptions.  We all make them at one time or another so that we can come to a conclusion in our mind.  People don't seem to like lose ends; we want a beginning, middle and end.  It's probably why we like fairy tales.

Human nature seems to embrace labeling people and things; tie them up neatly in a bow and tuck them in a box once a conclusion has been formed.

I am guilty of labeling; I'm human.  I am sorry for my ignorance.

One never really understands the destructive power of assumptions; created from a conclusion based on insufficient facts.  We are all guilty of assuming.

I have been a victim of assumptions.  It sucks when it comes from ones family; ones perceived support system.

"It's your choice."

"It's your journey."

"You are holding on... you've got to let go."

All sentences that I've heard over and over again; all have added to Caregiver stress... people know jack.   Really?  You honestly believed that I enjoyed wiping my mom's ass and cleaning shit every single day for the last 8 months?

I have one question for anyone who has made similar statements to another Caregiver...  How on Earth can ANYONE tell us what they KNOW about us and our situation if they have not taken the time to gather ALL THE FACTS?

Let me give you some facts.

1.  Doing the paperwork to get my mom on Medicare/Medicaid was daunting.  I still can't believe I did it.  It was hard.  She couldn't get on any wait lists without the insurance in place... period.  I did this early in the process, starting over 2 years ago.

2.  I searched and visited nursing facilities - ALONE.  It was difficult to look for the place where I knew I would take my mom to die.

I searched for a home that could accommodate my mom and Lewy Bodies Dementia.  Witnessing the illness through my mom, I knew in my heart that I had to stand by her until I found the right place.  It was hard.  Well meaning comments by misinformed family and friends made it harder for me to cope and reach my goal; finding a place for my mom.

3.  We waited and waited.  I called nursing homes every week and checked on the availability of a bed for my mom.  "Not today my friend."  Discouraging words as I continued to clean up human feces off walls and floors.  I waited.

I panicked.  How could I keep caring for my mom when she started fecal incontinence and falling every day?

I asked for help.  I heard crickets.  I was on my own.  Depression was setting in and my time was running out.  How was I going to find my mom a bed on my own?

Calling out for help, I got help from strangers.  No one tells a Caregiver how to do anything.  If you don't ask the right questions, you will never get the answers.  Exhaustion makes the task of caring and finding a nursing home extremely difficult.  This is where I could have used my siblings support and help; finding a place for our mother.

I did it.  I did it alone.  I am sane.  I feel good about myself for fulfilling a promise that I had made to my mom in 1979 at my fathers wake.  Once my mom does pass, I will rest easy knowing in my heart that I did all that I could to help her.

It was a journey and it was my choice to keep my mom home with me until I found her the right facility.  Why?  Because visiting her in a shit hole is not something that I wanted for either my mom or me.

One more thought:  Before you make another assumption, remember that no one can KNOW anything about another individual... you can only KNOW things about yourself.

Assumptions allow you to reach the wrong conclusion. Please gather all of the facts to any issue before coming to a wrong conclusion that makes life more difficult for the person being judged.  It's easy to be a judge for others but how about judging yourself and coming to a conclusion about your own actions.

Tell me something... why do you want to make an Ass out of U and Me?