Better Days... Finally!

Yesterday, my morning visit with my mom was very good.  

"Ah, FINALLY!  Where's my coffee?"  I was stunned by her greeting.  

Sunday, my mom looked like she was ready for hospice.  Hollow eyes and an expressionless stare; Ma?  Where are you?

The nursing home that I found for my mom is very nice.  A five star facility; how on Earth did I find it?  Was it all the praying that I had done to Mother Mary?  

The last 2 years, I spent countless hours researching and visiting facilities.  I toured some of the saddest places on the planet; I left in tears.  The residents sat in chairs, lethargic, no one talking, no one communicating; folks were clumped in a room, together yet alone.  There was a smell in these homes, not of urine or human feces, it was different; I wonder if it was the smell of death?  I cried.  I worried that I would never find a home for my mom.

The five star nursing homes have wait lists, long lists of a year or more.  I prayed.  I visualized my mom in a nice home, one where staff smiled and were attentive to the needs of the residents.  I believed that I would find such a place, I knew they existed... I saw them!

I waited.  I called, "We're still interested, any beds open yet?"  I waited a long time for "the call" to come, telling me that they had a bed for Jo.  The call never came.  I teetered on the edge of depression.  I took a deep breath, pulled myself up and focused on the goal; finding a bed in a 5 star nursing facility.  

Time was running out; mom was declining rapidly, falling and needing 24 hour care.  I couldn't provide the care that my mom needed any longer.  Caring for my mom was killing me.

I prayed.  I prayed the Hail Mary prayer so much that I heard it in my head constantly.  I prayed.  I would close my eyes and see the Blessed Virgin Mary in my minds eye.  She glowed.  She became brighter and brighter as I recited her prayer; it was the mantra that kept me focused on hope.

Calling all the facilities that we are on wait lists; all homes gave me the same answer, "Oh, not yet my friend."  I cried.  I didn't want to do this care giving job any longer.  I didn't want to visit more nursing homes; I didn't have the strength.  Blood pressure rose as my patients dwindled; I was alone in my nightmare.  I had to make it stop or I was going to die before my mom.  

Few cared  or heard my cries; I was becoming seriously depressed.  It sucked.  I began to think about death every day, my death.  Death felt like it was the only way out of this hell that I had been living for the last 3 years.  

I prayed.   My mom needed a home.  She was falling every day and forgot how to walk up the stairs.  It was not safe for her or me.  I turned to the internet.

Google helped me find my mom's facility.  I began searching homes that were outside of my mom's insurance "network."  One call led to another as I asked the same questions, "Do you have any beds available?  How about short term beds?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact we are discharging someone tomorrow.  We will have a bed for your mom tomorrow.  Can you come tomorrow morning for a visit?"  My prayers were answered.

Chirping birds greeted me the next morning; my heart skipped a beat... I FOUND IT!  The facility was perfect, it had everything that I had hoped to find for my mom.  

My mom was smiling yesterday as she held her "baby," Savita the cat.