We had a bit of a rough day yesterday, mostly because I was exhausted and when I'm tired, I think I suck at Care Giving; blind to reasoning that is no better than my mom who is demented.
Every time I go through a rough patch with my mom, as I'm living through it, I often get the feeling that things will stay this way forever. It's not logical to think this way because I know in my logical mind that everything changes, nothing stays the same, just like the seasons change, so do events that occur in our lives.
So why do I fall into the pitty pit?
I'm not really sure, I suspect it's because I'm human and not a spirit or saint. I do know that when I'm tired, when I have not had enough rest, I free fall into the pitty pit... sometimes head first. Yesterday, was a day like this for me. I was expecting to pay for my emotions with another night of unrest.
My mom got mad at me yesterday. She wanted to go out but I was working and couldn't take her out. Putting her hat and coat on, she told me that she was going out. I asked her where she was going and she told me that she needed to go to a store.
Instead of stopping her like I usually do I said, "Ok. Good luck with that. Do you know our address so that when the cops pick you up because you are lost you can tell them where you live?" I walked back to my office.
Later in the afternoon I was bringing a bag of trash out and I noticed her footsteps on the front walk. It made me laugh out loud. She went out, took about 10 steps and turned back and went inside. I gave my mom her freedom to leave and she decided not to go.
Could it be that I gave her the permission to leave that allowed her to sleep through the night last night? One of her issues from last week came about because my mom felt like a prisoner. I wouldn't let her go out roaming, I was afraid she'd get lost. Yesterday, I said screw it... she didn't leave, the afternoon was much better and she had a good sleep.
I was up at 6am this morning and the house was silent. This morning I was able to wake up and jump out of bed saying my favorite phrase... "Today is a GREAT Day!" I love starting my day with a positive mantra; today we will have a very good day because it's what I decree.
I didn't make the subliminal recording for my mom yesterday. My voice was too tense and I didn't want the tension to come through in the recording for fear that it would have a negative affect. I waited, like my dad taught me. Today I will make the recording. If I can have my mom record the phrases in her own voice, that will be ideal. If not, we have a similar sounding voice and mine could work.
My new mantra on days that appear bad... "Wait a minute Susie... things will change."
Love the positive application of the theory I mentioned! And I'm very impressed with your sacrifice, passion, and love for caring.
ReplyDeleteSo touched by this post Susan that I made it one of my Posts of the Week at: http://alittleprecious.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteI always think that God chooses responsibly for these situations. I so admire your care-giving and patience.
jalexandrov... it's a great principle. Your post reminded me of what my dad taught me many moons ago. Thank you for the inspiration that I needed to write this post.
ReplyDeleteCleo... thank you for making my post a post of the week on your blog and introducing me to other blogs that you read.