Sleep... Who Needs It?

Care giving for someone with Lewy Bodies Dementia is the hardest job on the planet, well that's my opinion.  No rhyme or reason - EVER; abandonment as a small child, losing her mom to a mental institution and her dad passing from pneumonia, are all issues I'm being forced to address now.

I know I'm not alone.  I know there are other adult children just like me facing the challenges that come with caring for a parent who's lost their ability to reason.  The Care Giver is often left holding things together on their own, siblings rarely step in and help. 

I'm speaking from my personal experience. I have read and heard from so many other Care Givers with similar frustrations because brothers and or sisters do not help much, if at all.  Caring for someone who's dying, who every day wakes up and can do less is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

I can't blame my siblings for turning away, it's scary to see a parent dying slowly, first the mind and the body following in step.  In a sense it's easier for me because I'm with my mom every day, I observe her gradual decline daily.  I have the chance to adjust and work through my emotions, it's a gradual acceptance of my mom's condition.  My siblings, they only see her every so often and the decline from one visit to the next is dramatic.  It shakes a person to their core, no wonder they are running away, hiding.  I would probably have the same reaction.

It was easier when my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 49 and died 7 months later.  Yes, we watched our dad go from a healthy strong man to a sick and tired individual.  It was hard to see my dad die so fast when I was only 18, but my family was strong, we got through it all together.  Now it's different, it's even harder watching my mom slowly decline alone with out her family around her.  Instead of months, we have years to go through before mom's inevitable death. 

It's different when the person is old, few come to visit or call to say, "Hi!  How are you?"  My mom, she remembers, she just can't find her words to communicate the way she once could.  Mom misses her family a lot.  She misses my sister the most.  She forgot that this sister chose to not talk to us anymore and is waiting for the call that it's over for our mom.  She could be waiting a very long time.

My mom tells me every day that when the weather is good she's renting a car and driving up to see her.  I go along with her dream, hoping that she'll forget once Spring arrives or better, my sister calls so that we can be a family again.  Only time will tell.

Lying to my mother about where everyone is sucks.  Care givers are forced to lie because if the parent knew the truth,  the Care Giver pays the price of the hurt and anger.  I know from experience that this is true because I've lost precious hours of sleep.  Sleep deprivation is the reward for all that we do as Care Givers.

Sleep... Who Needs It?

Today, I am suffering from sleep deprivation.  It's hard for me to control my emotions when my sleep has been disturbed like it was last night.  My mom, she was up at 3, 4, 5 and again at 6 this morning.  She never had a reason, there were no imaginary people or animals in her room, she was just awake.  No sooner would I fall back to sleep then she was up again. 

It's torturous.  I'm tired.  I need to work today.  Mom needs to stay awake during the day.  She cries if I tell her she's going somewhere during the day, it feeds her abandonment issues.  The problem gets worse and she looks for me constantly, thinking that I had left her.  She has no reason, she can't see that it's not logical for me to go out at 3am.  I'm not a call girl!

How do I handle this?  What can I do to get through to her demented mind? 

It all comes down to creating the subliminal hypnosis recording and having her listen to it.  I've believed for months that this is something that would help her and me to get the rest that we need. Today is the day, I must make the recording, STAT!

Yesterday, I was looking for something in my office and found the microphone and the notes that I had written several years ago which will help me make my mom's recording.  I have written the messages which I'll record and dub with music, soothing music that will tap her brain.  I have a strong hope that hypnosis will help my mom have better days and more restful nights.

Sleep deprivation makes the Care Giver job 100 times harder because we are not on our game, we are tired and need rest.  Unfortunately, we will never rest until the day our parent is resting in peace.  All we can do is make the best of our situation and do something for ourselves every day.  Sleep... Who Needs It?  I DO!!!!