I am not a doctor. I am providing information based on experiences that my mom has with natural remedies. The purpose of this blog is to help folks to educate themselves. Use this information with your own discernment.

02 February 2010

"I Want to Go Home" ... What Does She REALLY Mean?

Yesterday I began the search for nursing homes for my mom.  It was a tough day, mostly because deep down, I really don't want to do it. 

Finding a home and doing the research appears to be a monuental task, a full time job.  But, it will get done, the outcome will be better for my mom and me.

I want to go home... what does it mean?

Feeling a bit dejected yesterday, I did a search on the internet to see if I could figure out what my mom really means when she says she wants to go home.  Her words, she can't find the right ones, are never as they seem.  It's the deeper meaning, the underlying cause that is important to hear, the silent words, the ones left unspoken, these are the words we need to hear when with the demented.

I found this article on Caring.com which talks about the meaning, of "I want to go home" from the demented.  The jist of the article is that the individual is insecure and scared.  They are looking for the comfort and safety of home.  It could be any home that my mom has lived in during her life, a home where she felt safe. 

Obviously she can't go back to any of her former homes, even if she did, it would be different and not home.  The solution that the article provide was to hug her.  To let her know that she's loved right where she is. 

All the talk of going to a nursing home really threw her off kilter.  It's when I started to bring her to Blaire House for day care that she really started to roam the house again, night after night, looking for a way to go home. 

My mom is scared of nursing homes.  She's afraid of being abused or worse, left alone.  My mom. maybe she really just wants to go to her home in heaven or wherever we go when we die.  I don't know, I'll never really know for sure. 

All I can do while I visit and research nursing facilities that it's a place that I could live.  It will more than likely cost us some money but, my mom is worth it.  I can earn the money, like my brother Ed always used to say, "You don't have money?  Well just go make more."  What a philosopher!

One thing that I have not tried yet was making the subliminal recording using hypnosis techniques on my mom.  I was having trouble with the words to use as suggestions for her demented mind.  Dementia, it's new to me, I'm learning as I go along what is right and what isn't.  Just as my dad taught me as a little girl when he had me look at that flag in his text book, then look at the wall... nothing is ever as it seems, especially with the demented.

Yesterday, I had my epiphany with the subliminal recorded messages for my mom, the phrases that I will use to help my mom flooded my thoughts as I prepared dinner last night.  Chopping vegetables always seems to trigger solutions in my mind to things that are troubling.

Today, I will make my mom her subliminal recording and have her listen to it all afternoon.

Standby... we'll see if it helps her to relax and sleep all night, feeling that she's already home.  Maybe hypnosis is the missing link, the one thing that my mom needs to help her to function "normally" and remain in my home until her end of days?


  1. When my grandfather was in the nursing home, all he would say is that he wanted to go home, but as soon as we took him home, we would complain how he would rather just go back to the hospital.

    it was very frustrating.

  2. Frustration for everyone... care giver and patient alike.

    The article made sense. I hug her and tell her how much she's loved, over and over again. It appears to be working. She appears "normal" today. No hallucinations, no walking around with her coat on clutching her purse... I'm grateful to have found that article yesterday.

  3. I know we used to hear that from Jonathan's dad. We thought he wanted to come back to our house, then he'd fight everyone not wanting to go anywhere. It makes sense wanting the safety zone. Always a good day with no hallucinations. You're in our thoughts and prayers...it's not an easy road, but you seem to be walking smoothly along. We're always here for support.

  4. Thank you... you are a great support group person. Thank you.

  5. It means that they want to go home to Heaven and be with Lord Jesus. That's what it means when I say it and that's what it means when the elderly say it. They are ready to go home to Heaven.