Last night was the first time that EVERYONE in the house was happy and at peace. My husband came home to peace, finally he was able to walk through the door of his house and feel at home.
I sang last night while I prepared dinner.
My stress had stopped the music that typically plays in my mind, music that sooths my soul. I didn't hear the birds. I didn't hear the sound of the wind as it rustled the leaves of the trees that surround our home. I was lost... totally stuck in the mud and fearful that I would come to my demise before my aged and demented mother, my ward.
At the end of my rope, barely hanging on, I cried out to the Universe for a way out of this nightmare which had become my personal hell on Earth. My body was becoming sick. A rash was breaking out all over my body, beginning on my arms and moving to my neck, face and torso. It itched and hurt. The more stressed I became, the more it hurt, the more it itched. I was scared. I prayed for a miracle.
Out of the blue, during my darkest hour, my angel came to my rescue. She arrived in a shot, a simple note that filled my heart with so much love. My beliefs about family were being restored, a simple belief that our dad taught all of us, "Your family are your only true friends, stick together and help each other."
My sister Ann, she came! My heart poured out in tears, thankful for my big sister, the leader of our pack. I have never loved her more than the day she came back into my life. I missed her. I was grateful to have someone to talk to about our mom, someone "who gets things done."
Both sister's came... Donna swooped in and saved me from the sadness that was consuming me. Just in time, my angels arrived, one at a time, each coming at the perfect time, first Ann, then Donna and then Cheryl.
I can keep going on. I have help and no longer have to carry the burden of a crazy mom by myself.
The last two years have been brutal caring for my demented mother by myself. What got me through? I practiced what I had learned from my dad, "the only time one fails is when they give up... that it's always darkest before dawn."
Every time we were in a dark time, I held up and knew that tomorrow is a new day, a better day. I remembered that nothing ever lasts forever, that things change... dad taught me to "wait a minute, things will change."
Things have changed. I feel that we have turned a huge corner. The sun is out. My mom has a buddy and I can finally take a breath and relax. I need to relax and heal from the intensity of the stress that coursed through my body. Peace. I need peace. Thanks to my sisters, I have peace. I am grateful for their true love for family.
Every Care Giver needs respite. If you ask for help enough, it will come. People hear us Care Givers, we just need to let folks in to help. Give up control because once you do, you will have the help and you will gain control of your life.