Seeing Through the Demented Mind

Dementia is a phenomenon to me, a dis-ease of the brain.  Living with someone who has dementia, day in and day out, 24 hours by 7 days per week; I've been privledged to have a glimpse into the demented mind.

The fright is the most striking part of dementia episodes, with the patient often scared 'shitless' (for lack of a better term.)   This morning, my mom was up sleepwalking at 3am.  She was horrified because the lady was waving to her to come with her.  The lady was in the window, that's what my mom kept telling me.  She was horrified.  Shaking, as she stood at the top of the stairs with me.  I hugged her and assured her that she was having a dream.  Once back in bed, she settled down pretty quickly and was fast asleep.

5am, she was up again, frightened for the vision of a little boy.  "The little boy!" She exclaimed.  "He is crying for his mom, we have to help him.  Please Susie.  Help the little boy, he's crying for his mother." She continued, with hollow eyes.  Once more I assured her that I will find the little boy and help him. 

I gave her a thyroid supplement and had her go back to her bed.  She was afraid for the little boy, she still heard him crying.  I promised her that I will find him and everything will be OK.  I'll help him find his mother.  She believed me and settled down, once more falling asleep as though she never woke.  I put on music from my mom's era, softly playing in the background, she is still sleeping soundly.

There's something about the lady and the little boy.  I wonder what in her daily life is transforming into hallucinations that are waking her?

Sometimes, I can almost feel my mom's confusion to the point where I understand what's happening to her.  When I have these awakened moments, where I can see through my mom's demented mind, I attempt to find words to express and explain what I feel.

What I experience is hollow and empty, like a bad dream where crazy things happen.  Things that have no logic or reason, nightmarish events that stick around when woken.  For my mom, what I'm observing is her nightmares are coming alive, she's awake but asleep.  She walks between both worlds when she's in a demented state of being.  Not sure if the ground is before her or a big hole, she walks with calculated steps, cautious not to fall.

Are the visions of the lady coming for her preparing her for the day she doesn't wake up one day?

Death and dying, it's as miraculous as life and living because it completes the great circle of our existence on this tiny planet called Earth.