Rise and Shine

All night I half slept, waiting to hear my mom's foot steps walking down the hall. First the squeaky floor board next to her bed and then the pitter patter of her 80 year old feet.

Silence. The silence was deafening, keeping me awake, no squeaky floor boards, no ticking clocks, just darkness and silence.

Alone with my thoughts, wondering how everything will work out. What will become of my family after Ma goes? I miss my family. I miss being able to call them and talk to them about my mom. Talk to them about what I'm learning about Lewy Bodies. Hey, at least I have this blog that they can read. The purpose of it is to document everything so that my family and I have the information if we ever need it.

My mom woke up today! Contrary to her adamant belief that she was going to die last night.

In her mind, she woke in her home in Lynn, where she raised her family so many years ago. My dad was in bed with her. He was still sleeping. I needed to be quiet. She told me that he is dead, but he is still in bed with her. She told me that his skin is flaky because he's been dead for a long time. She doesn't care that he has flaky skin.

The best line she had for me today was when she said, "Wow, there are so many bathrooms. Is this heaven?"

She proceeded to tell me that today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow will be the same as today. She already saw today's news yesterday and yesterday's news tomorrow. It's her own sort of "Ground Hog Day" happening over and over again in the world that resides in her mind.

4 Helleborus pellets under her tongue, sent dad back to where his spirit resides, deep in the heart of my mom's heart. Ed, he is gone too. She knows where she is and realizes that having her own bathroom is definitely a slice of heaven on Earth.