Goodnight Lewy

Thank God today is over.

It started out rough with my mom waking up and roaming around the house thinking someone stole her purse and shoes.

She has been known to hide them on herself when she's sleep walking. It took me awhile to figure out this little puzzle. I can't tell you how many times I've had to find her "stolen" items. Now that we've moved her bedroom, I have to learn all her new hiding places. Yay!

Brian was a bit cranky this morning. My mom was in her crazy state. I had to stay with my mom so that she wouldn't wake up my mother-in-law.

I don't know how it all happened but I did end up crying this morning and didn't stop until about an hour ago.

My mom had to go to the bank and get money because she's going to bingo tomorrow with Donna. I took her to the bank. Not the usual bank, I drove for 35 minutes. I found myself heading toward my house... my former house that I sold after I got laid off from my job in March 2008.

I cried. I cried and cried as I drove. My little mom sitting next to me in the front seat of my pickup truck. She had a death grip on her purse, her beloved purse that she's always had nightmares about it being lost or stolen. Sitting quietly. Saying nothing.

I had an entire conversation with myself in my head, telling myself that my crying was only aggravating Lewy, the crazy gene. I knew I had to stop crying.

I did stop for a few minutes and then out of nowhere the tears would well up in my eyes and drops of tears the size of half dollars poured out of my eyes. I reprimanded myself internally. I even commanded myself to stop. The tears still came.

My mom, even in her demented state tried to make me laugh. She was nervous. She was stuttering. I needed Helleborus but didn't bring any along with me. Damn. I started to cry again.

We got home and she refused the Helleborus to help make the people go away. I started to cry again. My Mother-in-Law tried to help, I cried. My mom, she got worse. We were trapped in a viscious cycle. I'm sure this happens to everyone. We can't be unique with the way we dance with Lewy.

It's now 7 pm and my mom had her 8 drops of Ashwagandha in a tablespoon of water in the NYPD blue shot glass. Why so early?

Well, we were in the kitchen together and she said, "Susie, you better clean up this mess, we'll have cockroaches." Oh, for the love of God! I JUST finished preparing and serving dinner.

Good night Lewy... I've had enough of you for one day.