A Lewy Flair-Up

Today my mom was scheduled for an MRI so that the Neurologist could see what could be going on in my mom's head.

She was worried about the MRI. She hated the one that she had in 2002 because she didn't have music with her and the technician didn't offer her any music until it was over. Poor mom, she was left with a bad vibe which really caused her a Lewy Flair Up today.

Yesterday, after Fios was installed (took all day) I rushed my mom to Walmart so that she could buy a CD player. Her old one had batteries explode in them; I tossed it months ago.

Instead of a CD player which is outdated technology, I planned on buying her a new Sony ipod version 8 gb device. It holds a lot of music and it's tiny. Exactly what she needed to get her through the MRI.

My little mom, dressed in her purple coat, purple hat and purple shopping bag with all things important to her at the time she was putting on her coat, needed... not wanted... NEEDED a red Sony ipod device... especially after I explained to her that she could have a lot of CD's on one little device.

I loaded up all her favorites as soon as I got home. I had her test it out. She loves it. She listened to it all morning, anxious for the MRI to be over.

She didn't sleep much last night, worried, worried what would be found in her head.

She was so worried that she packed one of those reusable shopping bags with cloths. She thought she was going to be admitted to the hospital once they saw what was going on in her head. She can't believe what's going on in there and knows there's something definitely wrong.

I assured her that she wasn't going to stay overnight. Somehow she got pissed at me when I made her leave her 2002 xrays at home.

She pouted all the way to the hospital - miserable trip for both of us. I found myself using her words, "you know, you are the only one who suffers when you have an attitude like that." She replied... "I know."

I needed this like... God, I don't know - I just didn't want to be experiencing Lewy, not today, not ever!

It's difficult to stay calm and cool when Lewy comes around. Sometimes it almost feels like an abusive relationship, walking on eggshells, wondering when the shit was going to start to fly.

I've learned patience with my mom and Lewy. For this I suppose it's a good thing, a blessing if you want to go down the holy road of God and things happening for a reason. More and more, living with my mom and her insanity, I understand how WE are the creators, the GOD of our Universe. No 2 people think alike. No 2 people have the same thoughts. We are separate, but alike.

When Lewy visits, I hate it. I feel it coming on. I see an energy shift around my mom that I feel in the pit of my stomach. I want to throw up. I don't know how long it will last. I can only hope that I can keep her calm enough to suck on the helleborus "candies".

Today was no different. My mom was tired. She was hallucinating. The little girl was back. Dead cats were here - new additions to the hallucinations, but they were there in my mom's world.

Thank God for Helleborus Niger. Thank God for the Sue impostor that my mom likes better than me, she's a very skilled nurse, you know?

4 pellets at a time. Wait. Ask the question, "So Ma, how's things?" She knows that means, "Hey, are you hallucinating? Seeing any little people? Wild animals?"

She is honest and tells me. After 2 hours I ask the question and if she's still seeing things, she gets 4 more pellets under her tongue.

Today, she needed pellets 4 times, 16 in one day. That's more than she's needed in a long time.

She did say something pretty wild to me while driving to the hospital for her MRI. Out of the blue she unfolded her arms, looked at me and said, "I am going to die tonight. Do you think I should call someone?"

How do I respond? Who is she going to call? She asked my advice, asked if she should call my siblings and tell them that she's dying tonight. I advised her against it. I told her that she'll be waking up tomorrow to a GREAT DAY.

I hope she wakes up. I'll feel really badly if she croaks in the middle of the night and I stopped her from calling each of her kids. God, if she does die, I'm really sorry every one.

I do believe she will wake.

She was a collosal bitch all the way to the MRI check in. They make people walk a long mile, seemed like a nightmare scene, no wonder Jo was bitchy. She nearly made me bust out crying. She kept telling me that she was dying tonight. I ignored her. I had to or I would have gotten to the checkin counter with red swollen eyes, sobbing incoherently.

I walked ahead of her as I sucked in the tears. Forcing myself not to cry. I did cry about 3 tears, but I did stop. It was hard, but I did it.

I filled out the papers and circled and stared that my mom has a pacemaker.

Well. No MRI for you today Josephine, not now, not ever. Music to her ears. They rushed us out FAST, she was too close to the magnets.

On the drive home she said, "So, do you think I should notify my family?" I said, "notify us about what?" She said mater-of-factly, "I'm dying tonight. Don't you think I should tell them?"

Again, I said, "no, you will wake up tomorrow. you are doing great. besides, look at all the people you will help one day with this new method of treating people with LBD. You are no good to us dead."

We got home and she insisted on doing Wii Fit balance board. No coaching to get on it and work her mind. She loves the game where she moves her body to get the balls in the hole. She knows this game makes her feel good and helps with her memory.

She also walked on the treadmill until she was out of breath and didn't know how to shut the thing off, shit, she could have died if I wasn't in the room with her!

A few more helleborus pellets, dinner, hugs and happy talk - my mom was once again saying, "Oakey Doakey."

Oh, I love the phrase Oakey Doakey.

Tonight, I gave her Reiki. I called in all the archangels, Mother Mary and Babaji. I felt my hands vibrating. They were hot. My mom, she sucked up the energy. She gave a few jolts, her body jumping, but she settled down quickly as I felt Lewy leaving, he's gone for now. No more Quinoa, no more grains, they seem to contribute to flair ups.

Today I told her how I am using Reiki to dissolve the Lewy's. I believe in Reiki. I believe in the power within all of us to heal ourselves. I believe we are THE spark of God, we are one and yet so separate.

We can heal ourselves, we only need to believe in our power within.