Lesson Learned: Friends Are Important

Yesterday I resigned from Care Giving.  I resigned in my mind.  I feel better because there's an end that I can sense.  I can't see it yet, but I know it's there; I feel the end and I'm excited.

I'm excited with the thought that I'll have my life back.  We'll finally get to go on our Honeymoon, our wedding was April 11, 2008, time for us to get our real party started!

A job, I look forward to going to work.

Golf... lots of golf.  My goal is to join a woman's golf league and make some new friends.

One of the most valuable lessons that I learned as my mom's Care Giver, we need friends as we move into our twilight years.  Friends are important.  People are important for our happiness, not money or things.

People tend to isolate themselves and as we age, the isolation becomes more comfortable.  We feel that because we can move around freely and see people, people that we don't even know, we're OK.

Well, what happens when you can't drive anymore, like my mom.  Her life was getting in her car and driving to the supermarket.  She'd load her cart with all the pretty colored boxes that claimed it was "health food" or "all natural."  Poison disguised as food.  Food that brought my mom to the point where she is now, demented.

My MIL is another example.  She has no friends.  She stays home all day long, reads the internet, listens to left wing radio, does Sudoku and Crossword puzzles to keep her mind sharp.   She keeps her mind active but she never leaves.  She's always here.  She doesn't have friends outside the home.

My MIL still drives.  She's 85.  She's a healthy 85 who exercises daily and eats right.

Last year she had cataracts, so bad that she couldn't see.   She still drove.  It scared the hell out of me every time she left the house in her car.

What got me really upset with my MIL is her license expired.  She was driving around on an expired license because she wanted to wait until she had her cataract surgery.  She was afraid that she wouldn't get her license renewed because she couldn't see.  Duh!

To me, this realization that she had was a huge red flag.  I couldn't sit around and let her drive illegally.  It caused tension between us and my husband.  My MIL hated me already for marrying her son, now she really hated me because I was telling her not to drive.  She saw me as a villain.

A crazy mom and a blind MIL who insisted on driving were adding to my stress.  I couldn't stop her from driving so I had an idea, I'd coax her to get the surgery.  I assured her that I'd help her through the entire process of healing her eyes.  I did.

My MIL had her surgery, cataracts in both eyes.  The first eye went great, the second eye, not so much.  I believe that the surgeon botched the job, her eye was bloody. My MIL told me when it was too late that she was having trouble with the eye.  She is now blind in one eye.

I pushed her to get her license renewed so that she could continue to have a privilege to drive.  Seniors believe driving is a right, not a privilege.  In my opinion, everything breaks down when trying to get a senior to give up their keys because many believe it's a Constitutional right.  News flash... it isn't.

My MIL was nervous.  She was frightened about getting her license renewed.  She secretly had driven herself to the DMV a couple of times on an expired license.  She failed the eye test twice.  She was frantic, she had one more chance; three strikes and she'd be shit out of luck for having a drivers license.

Here anger was redirected toward me.  She was blaming me for her not getting her license.  Of course it wasn't my fault, I was only pointing out the obvious to her,  creating a classic "shoot the messenger" reaction.

I stood my ground.  I didn't back down.  I knew I needed to be creative and do something that would convince my MIL that I was NOT the enemy.

"Hey, would you like me to drive you to the DMV to get your license renewed?"  I said to my MIL one morning.  She said 'No' at first, but a few minutes later she asked me if I would driver her.  I did.  All the way to the Registry I told her that she'd pass.  I could tell that she could see, one of the main requirements for operating a motor vehicle safely.

Nervously she sat and waited for her number to be called.  She took the test and passed.  The look on her face was one of relief.  She was glowing.  My MIL was happy.  She passed the vision test and now was legally allowed to operate her car.

During the time when my MIL wasn't driving, she was miserable.  She had no friends.  She depended on me to drive her places.  She hated it.  She didn't like being dependent on anyone.  She felt that she lost her freedom to drive and shop, her form of socializing.

Shopping and driving isn't a form of socializing.  It does allow you to see people, however it does not allow for friendship exchanges.  My MIL is in the same state of thinking that my mom had been, as long as she drives she's free and doesn't need to socialize with folks in the same age group.

Today my mom has a UTI test and Acupuncture.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  I'm hoping for a few good days in a row.  Tomorrow is my mom's 81st birthday, I'd love for her to be able to have a party with all her kids and grandkids.  I'm hoping for a miracle today.

I'm Done

Care Giving for a parent is probably the hardest job any person can take on.  Period.

My mom's first answer is always NO.  NO to everything.  The reason?  It's the only thing that she can control, when she says NO and is defiant, she is attempting to take control of her life.  She looks at me as a warden of a sort, someone who doesn't let her do this or that.  I don't let her eat junk food. I don't let her drive... I took her license away.  In her mind I took it away but in reality, she decided to stop driving because she got lost every time she left the yard with her car.

It was a scary time when my mom was driving.  The fights we had over it were horrible; a battle with no victor.  I may have been able to get her to  relinquish her keys but it will always be MY fault that she is not driving.  Even when doctors tell her you can not drive, she insists that she can.  She has a chip on her shoulder with me because in her mind, it's not her that's got a problem, it's me.  My mom keeps threatening me that she's going to have ME removed from MY house.

My mom abuses me verbally and mentally; a life long habit of hers.  She's my mother and knows how to make me cry or hurt my feelings to guilt me into doing her bidding.  She's a bit of narcissist, wanting to cause harm to someone for her own benefit.  My mom has always torn me down in order to build herself up, she still does it to me.  It sucks.

No wonder she's told me in front of my MIL that she "can't stand the sight of me" or "you can't do nothing right."  My MIL laughed, she thought it was funny... I didn't.  It cut me deep like a knife, it hurt and is making me hate my mother.  She will rarely tell me in front of others that she loves me or that I'm doing a good job.  Usually, it's complaints that I hear, complaints that are making me begin to say fuck it, live in a fucking nursing home!

Why do I care?  Why am I putting up with so much bullshit?  Why does she tell others how great I am but to my face she makes me feel like I'm a reject.  It does make me feel bad, mostly because it's my mom, a person that I've been looking for approval my entire life, approval that will never come.

It's time for my mother to go.  I want my life back.   I want to enjoy married life with my husband and make happy memories with him, not memories of Care Giving.  I'm missing out on my own life.  No one is happy, not me, not my husband and not my mother.  

I'm tired of my mother being a bitch toward me for no reason.  I'm tired of being blamed for everything that is bad in her life.  It's not my fault that she didn't take care of herself throughout her life.  It's not my fault that she is antisocial and doesn't have friends.  It's not my fault that she's crazy.

What is my fault is that I have allowed her to take control of our lives.  She controls everything but believes she controls nothing.

This morning she was a bitch.  I don't know why.  I was sitting watching the news when she came into the room upset, upset because she couldn't find her shoes.  She woke up agitated today.

Yesterday, she visited the Adult Day Care facility with Cheryl.  My mom liked the place and was able to feel that she was in control.  She asked questions and seemed to like what she heard.  The Nurse in charge reminded her of a nun that she had when she was a young girl.  The visit went well because I wasn't there checking the place out with her.  We empowered her, we gave her a sense of control which made her happy.

Personally I feel that we have crossed a line.  I am done.  Care Giving sucks.  I don't want to take care of anyone anymore, just myself.  I want to be selfish with my time and use it for things that make me happy.  I can't make anyone happy, it just seems to bring misery to everyone when I do.

Attention family and friends, I am hanging it up... I'm done with Care Giving, especially for old people because they all seem to suck the life out of me.  I'm done!

Everyone Needs an Angel

Everyone needs an angel, here's my mom with her Visiting Angel... Cheryl.  

Another day of respite ahead... yippeee!  

My mom seems clearer this morning with no mention of anyone in the window; no fat ladies, no elephants, no women with their babies, nothing.  

"Good morning!"  My mom sang to me this morning, a voice that I remember from my childhood.  Her face is soft today, she appears more relaxed and happy.

Cheryl will be here about 10 or 10:30 and will take my mom to a new Adult Day Health program.  I've gotten the OK from the Program Director to have Cheryl sit with my mom to help her to acclimate with the group.  My mom is not very outgoing and extremely shy.  I think she has held a fear of rejection since she was a little girl and abandoned.  

Alone as a young teenager, father dead, older brother killed in action, mother in an insane asylum, older sister in the nut house too;  my mom was left with her brother, the brother that stole her ten cents so that he could go to the movies, her babysitting money.  He never paid her back and my mom has never forgiven him.  My mom felt like an outcast for the majority of her life.

My mom is happy knowing that Cheryl will stay with her and isn't leaving her at the place.  I am imagining success, where my mom makes new friends and enjoys the activities.  Today they are having a women's singing group.

Today is a great day!

Who Do You Write Like?

Thanks to my Blogger Bud, SK Waller for finding this fun little writing analyzing tool.

Check her out - she's a very good writer:  http://incurable-insomniac.blogspot.com/

I analyzed my last blog post, here's my result...

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

She's Back!

Ten days was too long between Acupuncture sessions for my mom.  Acupuncture helps my mom with her dementia and Parkinson's symptoms.   The tremors that she had for years is the first symptom to leave her, giving her steady hands like those of a surgeon.

It takes a bit longer for her ability to communicate to manifest.  Both Acupuncture treatments took seven and a half hours before she was able to find her words and string them into coherent sentences.

My mom was a bit of a bitch yesterday afternoon, NO was the only word she knew how to say.  She didn't want to talk to me, she was defiant.  My mom had crazy eyes, looking past me at hallucinations, hallucinations that she wanted to know what they were doing.  I couldn't tell her, I didn't know even though my mom believes that I'm one of her "people."

She sat on the patio all afternoon and talked to her "people", people that only she could see.  My mom was engaged in full conversations with her hallucinations.  Her hands were flailing and occasionally she'd let out a big laugh.  Her hallucinations were entertaining her, she was having a great time.

Last night, it was about midnight and I heard my mom walking around upstairs.  I checked on her and she was insisting that her sister was knocking on the door and wanted to come in.  My mom was trying to open the window but wasn't able to because I had them locked.  She insisted that her sister was knocking or at least someone was knocking.

I assured her that she was dreaming and got her to go back to sleep.

This morning my mom was clear and able to find her words.  She told me how she woke up at midnight.  She told me about the knocking and how it wasn't her imagination.  She told me that when I went back to bed, she got up and opened the closet.  Sammy the cat was stuck in there and he was making noise in order to get someone's attention.  I never heard the cat when I was in her room.

Today my mom is a bit more sane.  She's pleasant and agreeable...  She's Back!

I Love This Monday!

Usually folks love Friday but today I love Monday.  Today my mom goes back to our Naturopath Doctor for another Acupuncture treatment.  Acupuncture has helped her dementia and Parkinsons symptoms.  It has also given my mom her ability to communicate which makes Care Giving much easier.

My mom's had one Acupuncture treatment 10 days ago.  The first 3 - 4 days after the session she was able to focus on TV, she watched 2 movies back to back, laughing at all the appropriate places.  She was laughing at old re-run sitcoms.

The one improvement that I personally enjoyed the most was listening to my mom talk to me.  She found her words; she was communicating.  I was able to reason with my mom.  My mom, she was able to talk on the phone to her children.  She was beginning to learn how to use the TV remote control by herself.

Today is Monday.  Our doctor is back from vacation and my mom is seeing him today for another Acupuncture treatment.  Yay!

My mom's cognition waned slowly after the first Acupuncture treatment.  Yesterday was day 9 and she was back to her old crazy ways.  Talking to the air, having full conversations with no one that I could see.  She frowned all day.  She tried to talk to me throughout the day but none of her words were coming to her.

She hallucinated a lot.  Ceremonies galore in the back yard, ceremonies that she watched and wondered what was going on .  She asked me what was going on.  I couldn't tell her.  She got mad because she believed that I knew but wouldn't tell her.  I didn't even know where to begin with making up a story to put her mind at ease.

She became frustrated.  A few days before she was able to remember the right words to express her desires.  Yesterday, she couldn't, she was upset, she didn't want to do anything.  Nothing was bringing her joy, she was mad because her words were not coming.

Frustration leads to agitation in my mom, it's this cycle that welcomes behavior issues, behaviors that are unwanted and make Care Giving much more difficult.

Yesterday is behind us, it's Monday and the doctor is in.  I love this Monday.

The Chin Trick

Well, our day didn't go as we had planned.

Bad weather brewing, heavy and severe thunderstorms with reports of flash flooding in the city where the pool party reunion was being held, caused us to turn left.

My sister Donna arrived on schedule, 11AM.  Ma was ready to head out the door for at least 2 hours.  My mom had become annoyed with me during her 2 hour wait; she hated Sue.  Sue was annoying the living crap out of my mom... to my mom, Sue was not in the room.

Donna asked my mom, "So, who is this?"  My mom said, "Sue. But not the Sue that I'm talking about, the other Sue."  Donna threw in "Susan" and my mom told us that she likes Susan, that I was Susan at that moment.  It was confusing.  My head hurt.

Only one more day to get through I thought, please Donna, let me open the door for the two of you... here, go out this door, it's closer to the outside.  I did open the closest door and Donna and my mom left for the day.  "Bye!  Have a fun time."  I said as I waved.

We decided to stay close to home yesterday.  We stopped at a local Mexican Restaurant for a Margarita and   a light lunch.  I had my camera and thought it would be nice to remember our little left turn to the Mexican Restaurant.  My camera has a feature where you can take pictures of yourself.

Every picture that I had taken my neck looked like I had 3 or more chins; my husband, he didn't have the chin problem.  I hated every single picture of me because I looked like I had no neck.  I hate that look, especially when I have worked so hard to get rid of the triple chin!

That's when my husband enlightened me about "the Chin Trick."  The Chin Trick is when you project your chin forward when taking pictures.  It solves the triple chin problem in photos.  Most folks, when they have their picture taken, tend to pull there head backward; creating hated photos of oneself.

Here we are, after drinking a Margarita, practicing the "Chin Trick."

No neck look... ewww!

Big nostrils and no neck!

A little better.

My conclusion:  If you have big teeth and a big smile, the chin trick doesn't work.

My Tip:  If you keep your mouth shut, then you can keep extra chins from magically appearing in photos of yourself.

Waiting for Monday

Acupuncture does work for the type of dementia that my mom has going on inside her brain.  In the study, it stated that Acupuncture works well for Vascular Dementia, dementia that was brought on by unmanaged blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar.

My mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, the catch all diagnosis for all forms of dementia with cognition issues.

My mom however, she doesn't forget, not like those who do have Alzheimer's.  She remembers everything; her trouble is finding the words to tell you what she remembered.  She gets frustrated.  Her blood pressure rises and hallucinations start.  My mom, she hallucinates, a lot.

Yesterday, the Acupuncture appeared to wear off and she was back to telling me about the big celebrations going on in our back yard.  In the morning, she looked at me and said, "You are an angel.  I can't believe it.  They showed me your wings... you are an angel!  Why didn't you tell me?  You are an angel... wow!  No wonder they keep telling me that they want you to join them."  She looked at me in wonder and amazement, her face was soft and relaxed.

I agreed with her.  I told her that I am an angel, a human angel that was sent to take care of her.  I also told her that they can want me to join them but I'm not ready to die, because when we die is the only time we can join her people.  My mom's belief that I am not of this world set us up with a very nice day... until of course I didn't have answers to her questions - she believes that I should know everything because I'm one of "them."

We went to the hair dresser and got our hair done.  We both needed it bad.  I had Brian take a before picture.  I tried to get my mom to frown and look sad in the before picture (see first picture in this post.)  Nope.  Not my Ma, she was still believing that I was an angel and she was happy ... she wouldn't stop smiling.

When we got home we had lunch and hung around in the yard.  My mom sat and watched whatever her hallucinations were showing her.  Later, she said to me, "they're burying your dad, he died.  Do you know that he's dead?"

Confused, I attempted to reason with my mom and tel her that my dad died 31 years ago (yesterday was the 31 year anniversary of his passing.)

"Nope.  He just died, they are burying him in the back yard."  She said to me with conviction in her voice.

Her obsession with the burial that she was witnessing in her mind caused her to pace.  Her blood pressure went up as she crossed the line into crazy land.   She paced through the house, going from window to window to see if she could see what was going on outside... what "they" were up to in the yard.  She insisted that she was watching them bury my dad and that Savita the Cat knew that a funeral was being performed in our yard.

"See her laying over there, she's so sad."  My mom said to me and my husband on 2 separate occasions.  She believed what she was seeing, it was real to her.  I will never get used to her hallucinations.  I do try to explain them to her because she wants to understand what they are doing and why.  I've had ceremonies to banish bitches and call an imaginary Dream Master, all in an attempt to divert my mom's attention to something else.  At times it works, other times not so much.  Acupuncture however, does the trick, it stops the insanity.

In an attempt to turn her focus from her hallucinations, I enticed her to come into the pool and help me clean it.  Her job was to use the hand held net thingy and pick the pine needles off the top of the water as the wind blew them into the pool.  I vacuumed.  My mom had a great time helping, she loved her new job.  Together we cleaned the pool and she stopped looking for the burial ceremony.  This morning she even said, "We had such a good time yesterday, I love my new job."

Once we were out of the pool and I went inside to prepare dinner, my mom sat on the deck and stared into the yard.  Eyes filling with tears, she began to witness her father's burial.  She thinks of death a lot, telling me that she has one angel wing and will get her second one soon.  She told me that she's going to haunt me when she dies.

I am waiting for Monday.  We see Dr. Barton in the afternoon for another Acupuncture treatment with another scheduled for Friday.  I'm looking forward to talking to my mom again.  I'm looking forward to watching a stupid movie with her early on Sunday mornings when everyone is still sleeping.  I'm looking forward to having time with my mom.  I'm looking forward to the freedom that Acupuncture gives my husband and me, freedom to leave the house for a few hours and know that everything is OK at home.

Today, Donna is coming to stay with Ma.  Brian and I are going to a reunion of my classmates from Grammar School.  I'll see the "kid" who told a nun to go fuck herself (he's not in my 1st grade class - not pictured.)

I'll see the first friends that I had made in school and some friends that I had made during my first 12 years of education.   I'm looking forward to seeing every one, it's been decades.

Tomorrow is Sunday and Amy is coming over to spend a few hours with Gram.  I love seeing Amy.  It's awesome to have her back in our lives again.  I missed her a lot.

With the weekend covered, it won't be long before Monday is here and my mom has Acupuncture again.  I'm waiting for Monday, but in the meantime, I'm happy and enjoying the peace that I'm creating in my life.

Natural Remedies, Acupuncture, Dementia and Care Giver Stress

It's been one week today since my mom had Acupuncture for the first time to help her dementia symptoms.  It was our last hope to help her before we began traditional medicine drugs.  Knowing the effects that pharmaceuticals have on her from past experience, we opted to go down the natural remedies road.

We see an accredited Naturopath Doctor, one that we found from the National Association of Naturopathic Doctors website.   Dr. Shiva Barton is our doctor, we've been seeing him for about a year.  The natural supplements and remedies that he prescribes has dialed my mom back to the point where she sleeps through the night.  Remedies that he prescribed help me to tame my mom's delirium and hallucinations that can be triggered by food that my mom eats or hallucinations that scare her.

Acupuncture has given my mom her voice, she is communicating, she is able to focus her attention on a movie or TV sitcom.  She even enjoys watching the Red Sox play ball; something that brought her enjoyment in the past.

I can talk to my mother again.  We all can.  My mom is happy because she can be involved in conversations, she can keep up and add to the conversations.

My mom, she's a drug free Senior, off all pharmaceuticals, drugs that seemed to cause more problems than they had solved.  Today, she is walking down the gentle and natural road of healing.  A glimmer of hope has been sparked.  We have more time, more quality time with our little mom.

Today I am excited and happy.  My dreams are coming true.   My mom is able to communicate, my stress level is dropping, my family has returned and I no longer need to live in the crazy world of Lewy alone.

Just when I was ready to give up and call 911 to take my mom away, help came.  It arrived all at once when I was ready to give in to the stress of Care Giving.  I became one of those people who cried to the Heavens, asking the question "WHY?!"

The help that arrived came just in time.  I was spiraling downward, forgetting everything that I had learned to help keep my spirit happy and in peace.  I cried, a lot.  My tears made things worse.  More shit was coming at me, more burdens and more pressure.  My head was about to blow off the top of my head and I was even beginning to think that being dead is better than dealing with this shitty hand that I was holding.  I cried.

I wanted peace.  I needed peace.  I needed people to help me instead of me helping more people.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  My nerves were shot and my body began to shake from the inside; a disturbing tremor that was unsettling.   I cried.  I called our Naturopath Doctor and scheduled an Acupuncture treatment for myself to treat my stress.

Stress can and does kill.  I felt it.  I was beginning to have some scary symptoms that were brought on by the stresses of Care Giving.  My well was dry and people were coming to me for more... I couldn't do it.  I snapped.  I hollered.  I cried.  I screamed.  I needed to take care of me because no one else will do it for me.

I said NO!  I screamed at all those who were shirking their own responsibilities and trying to dump them on me.  I couldn't do it.  My mom and all the pressures of my own life have consumed my life.  I have no life.  I want my life back, even just a little bit of it.  I deserve to live a happy life.

Knowing that I create my own happiness, I said NO.  I pissed people off with my approach, but I don't care.  Who needs people around that are more like energy vampires than human angels offering a helping hand.  Some times people need to be kicked in the head with words and vulgarity because it's the only thing that will jolt them out of complacency.

Today I am happy.  I am creating my dreams in my mind, holding happy thoughts, thoughts that are manifesting before my eyes.  No one will come in and take this away from me because I will not allow it.  I chose to be happy with myself and all of my actions.  I deserve to be happy.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own lives in order to birth the life of their dreams.  I am following the beat of my own drum with a plan to create more peace and happiness.

Weeds of Life

Have you ever wondered why everything in your life pretty much sucks out loud?

Do you ever find yourself raising your fist to the sky and cry out, "Oh God, why me?!  Lord?  Why me?"

Looking outside oneself, we often look for a cause to the misery in our lives.  Shit happens and it all seems to happen at the same time and at the most inopportune moment.

You go to church, you pray, you do all the things in life that you believe a good Christian should do and the good Lord serves you a curve ball.  Life changes, it shifts and it all happens because of the thoughts we hold.  Thoughts are real where nasty thoughts become the weeds of life.  Weeds that need to be pulled or they will wreck havoc in ones life making a situation go from bad to worse.

We all slide down the slippery slope at times, it's human nature.  The people we spend the majority of our time, these are the people we become; the reason our parents always cared about the company we kept as children.   The reason I need respite is because hanging out with my mom all day long, every day, I found myself becoming crazy.

Negative attitudes.  Sneakiness.  Twisted thoughts created in our minds surge through our bodies, creating uneasiness and illness.   Because we are never the cause of our troubles, we look outside of ourselves, we look for a victim, someone to carry our burdens, burdens that need to be addressed by one person... you.

Mirrors are a great tool because it shows us God, our true selves.  The looking glass, the image we see, is the only one we can control.   Everything that we do in life, we only have one person to blame; the reflection in the mirror.

If you find yourself angry with someone, look in the mirror.  What is it that you see?  Look at the person that has dug up your uneasiness.  What is it about that person that you do not like? Think.  Be honest.  There's a quality in people that either attracts us or repels our affections.  What is it?

What makes us love someone one minute and hate them the next?

Looking deeply within ones soul, with an honest heart, we often realize that the thing that annoys us the most with people is the one thing we need to work on in ourselves.  When someone blatantly holds a truth mirror up, showing ones intentions, it can be painful.

Our first reaction is a knee jerk reaction, we don't want to be the bad guy.  It's never us.  It's always easy to blame someone else because then we don't have to take any responsibility for our emotions and thoughts.  We make excuses, twisting and turning a story so that the blame is not on you, the perpetrator.

It's the wise one who recognizes the pain and understands that the only way to feel better is to take ownership.  Own your troubles.  Only you can make yourself happy.  Like Gandhi had said, "Be the change that you want to see in the world."

What do you want out of life?  How do you pull the weeds of life and keep the flowers?  How do you distinguish between a baby weed and a baby flower sprout?

Practice.  Patience.  Persistence.

Never give up on yourself and follow your heart.   People will try to shit on you, but stand up for yourself.  It's OK to say NO sometimes.  Sometimes our job is to rise above the bullshit that is slung, an action that is intended to suck you in to a battle that will never be won.

Blame.

Who do you blame for the miserable lot you seem to have going on for yourself?  YOU.  You are the only one to blame.  Only YOU can make YOU happy.  Sucking off someone else's energy, expecting them to clean up the pile of crap that you left behind, is as sick as the Untouchables in the Indian culture, people who's job it is to clean up human feces.  People are people.  All of us have a soul, a spark of life that can either be Heaven or Hell on Earth.  It's all up to us.

We create our own happiness.  Even the Untouchables can be happy because happiness is created within ourselves.  Happiness and peace are the gifts of Heaven on Earth, gifts that are bestowed upon us through our inner Godself.  Our God inside is the human compass, it guides us through the sea of life and based on what we think, we are directed toward exactly what we asked for and deserve.

If you find your life out of balance, things will not go smoothly.  Your life will turn into a Hell on Earth.  The only one you have to blame is yourself.  Going to church and doing charity work won't help you.  What's the real reason for the charity work?  Are you trying to look good to people outside of your inner temple where the REAL God resides?  Are you more concerned about what people think about you than what you think about yourself?

What are you looking for?  Are you seeking approval?  Do you think you will get a better spot in Heaven?  Do you believe that you can keep doing the same sin over and over again but because you go to church, your sins are absolved?   Does this leave you believing that you are a good person because you do the obligatory thing, go to church?

If your life sucks, then something isn't right in your life.  It's up to you to decide what it is and fix it.  It's easy to fix, just use your thoughts.  Thoughts are real, you create your own reality.

Dementia has shown me how my mom's thoughts mold her day.  She has her own reality and thoughts that she holds at the time of a dementia episodes determines her happiness quotient.  I can not make her happy or anyone else happy.  It's not my job to fix everyone's problems.  I will help people who help themselves.  I will help seniors, especially family seniors.

My dad had a saying, "Charity begins at home."   What are you doing to help your family?  Are you doing it with joy or do you feel like you are being punished?  Are you missing the opportunity to make yourself happy?

The Affects of Acupuncture on Dementia

In my opinion, Acupuncture is an elixir of a sort, it has given my mom her voice.  She can communicate.  Seriously, I never thought I'd be able to talk to my mom again.

The study that I had read about Acupuncture for dementia stated that the participants had treatments 2 times a week for 3 months.  My mom was sharp as a tack for 3 days after her first Acupuncture treatment.  The last couple of days she's having more trouble finding her words.  Our ND is on vacation this week.  Monday, I'll have her see him again with a weekly schedule of Monday's and Friday's for the next 3 months.

Acupuncture is amazing.  It works for the type of dementia that my mom has going on in her head.

My mom, she can remember events and people.  Unlike most Alzheimer's patients, my mom can not be diverted to do a different activity - she doesn't forget.  My mom's issue is different.  It is a form of dementia.  She hallucinates and if she eats the wrong foods, delirium will rear it's ugly head.  Oh how I hate Lewy's cousin, Delirium.

Acupuncture is bringing peace into my home.  

How did I think of Acupuncture for my mom?

Well, I had respite.  I was able to stop and rest.  My batteries were recharged and my spirit was renewed.  I began to think, "there's got to be a solution to my mom's issues."  Of course, I never give up because my dad made sure that I learned the lesson, "we never fail until we quit."

I was in pain from all the stress.  Loss of sleep made the stress worse.  I was in a downward spiral with feelings of hopelessness and despair taking front and center stage of my life.  The more I thought about how bad my life was and that it couldn't get any worse... IT DID!

I had to change my thinking.  I knew what I needed, but I couldn't do it alone.  I was stuck in a ditch.  My creativity was gone.  I had nothing left.  I was giving up.  Ma was going to a nursing home as soon as possible.  I cried.  I felt defeated.  It sucked.

However, respite gave me the little bit of energy that I needed to regain my creativity.  I called Dr. Barton and made an appointment for acupuncture to release my stress and pain.  I researched what it is and how it helps folks.  I read more and more.

I did a boolean Google search on acupuncture for dementia.  I found a study with 38 participants with an average cognition improvement, after 3 months of treatments 2 times a week, at 43%.   Interesting.  I read more.

The Eastern Cultures all honor their elders, especially the Chinese.  The seniors in their circles are honored for their sage wisdom.  The culture takes care of their seniors, they don't do "granny dumping" into nursing homes like we do in our selfish me first culture here in the West.

Heck, at one time back in the 1960's, I remember the birth of the "nuclear family;"  Mother, Father, children.  No extended family.  No Grammy.  No Gramps.  No Aunts.  No Uncles.  Core family was the way of the world.  No one shared.  Families were unbalanced.  Kids from 'nuclear families' seemed to be more screwed up and became substance abusers.  Why?  They were robbed of extended family love, a love that lasts a lifetime.  Are these the kids that are dumping their folks in a home instead of doing all that one can to honor our seniors?

I do understand that there comes a time when a nursing home is necessary for our folks, especially when the burden is too heavy, causing the Care Giver to become ill.  I will only go the nursing home route after I've exhausted all options to help my mom stay home.

Acupuncture is our latest "thing" to try.  It makes sense.  Western Cultures have worked thousands of years to help their seniors.  Acupuncture has been used in Western Civilizations for thousands of years to treat all ailments and provide healing.  It works.  It's even recognized by modern medicine as an effective method for treating hypertension and stress.

I can comment on the benefits of acupuncture on stress, it works.  I have not felt as good as I do for a long time.  My body is pain free.  My spirit is lifted.  I have hope.  I will keep on keeping on.  I will move forward in life; laughing dancing and singing.   I am a better Care Giver.

Like dad always told me, "Wait a minute, things will change."  They do change ... things did change for us.  Just hang on, it's not as bad as you think.  Pray for help.  Believe help is here and it will arrive.  It takes a lot of faith in oneself to never give up on something that you believe is worthwhile.

Life is worthwhile.

Acupuncture has given us hope, all of us, especially my mom.  

Look Who's Still Talking!

It's now been 4 days since my mom had Acupuncture to help her with her dementia.  She is still able to talk and tell us what she's thinking, which is a great help with keeping peace in our home.

The 4th of July was a pleasant day that was spent at home.  My mom, she watched two movies, back to back!  She hasn't been able to watch a 30 minute TV show let alone one movie, she watched two!

We went in the pool, we had grilled food and I made potato salad using herbs from my garden to spice it up.  I weeded one of my flower beds and planted the mark down flowers that I had bought during my first day of respite last week.  The night was topped off with a neighbors illegal fireworks display exploding in a rainbow of colors over our house.

My mom, she was able to talk and tell us what she was thinking all weekend.  She was happy.  She watered my flowers and then wrote her name with the garden house, "Look at that." As she pointed to the garden hose on the ground, "What do you see?"  She asked.  

I replied, "Oh, very good, you made a 3 leaf clover."

"NO!  My mom said in a shot, "I wrote my name... Jo!"

We laughed.  I took a picture.

On the 4th of July, my mom and me went in the pool together when the sun was finally behind the trees, leaving the pool in a welcomed shadow.  It was like the old days when we would swim in the pool and talk about different topics.  I was happy.  My mom was laughing.  I was laughing.  We were living in peace with out any crazy Lewy showing up to spoil the fun.

Marty stopped over for a visit Monday morning, bright and early.  My mom was happy to see Marty, especially because she was able to talk to him again, something that she wanted to do but couldn't, she couldn't find her words.  Mom was following the conversations that we were having and laughing at the appropriate times.  Ma was back with a renewed lease on her life; laughter and smiles prevail.

I did notice that after my mom had a sandwich for lunch yesterday, she was more confused than she had been before she had eaten a sandwich.  She was having trouble finding her words, they were not coming as effortlessly as they were after her Acupuncture treatment.  Potato salad that she ate on the 4th of July, it too gave her a bout of confusion, just like the spelt wheat bread sandwich.  However, the homeopathic remedy Hyosyamos in a little water dialed her back to her new "normal."

The Acupuncture is still working but I am noticing that my mom isn't as sharp as she was on Friday night and Saturday.   The study that I had read about Acupuncture and dementia had given Acupuncture treatments twice a week for 3 months to the test group of 38 participants.  At the end of three months, the average improvement had increased by 43%.

My mom, she will have Acupuncture twice a week on Monday and Friday.  Next week, we'll see Dr. Barton again when he returns from vacation.  Acupuncture is giving my mom her life back, she is able to communicate and be more present in life.  If you have a loved one with what you think is Lewy Bodies Dementia, give Acupuncture a try.  It doesn't hurt and the results are miraculous.

Because of Acupuncture, my family is gathering on our mom's birthday.  All of us are getting together at my sister's camp, something that I never thought would happen until Ma died.  Ma is excited, mostly because she will get to see her great grandson, our cute little boy, the world traveler.

Today is Tuesday, Visiting Angel day.  Brian is on vacation.  We are in the middle of a heatwave.  The pool water is about 76 F, refreshing on days when the mercury reaches 100 F with high humidity.

An Independence Day to Remember

Mom's having good results with Acupuncture.  The first treatment has given my mom her voice, she can communicate.  She is finding her words and can tell everyone what's on her mind.  It's not all pleasant, mostly because she is still tied up in the memories of her hallucinations.  Fortunately, because she can tell me what's on her mind we are able to discuss the trouble and resolve the underlying issues.

Acupuncture has worked.

My mom is pleasant.  We can chat.  She understands me and what I am saying.  She isn't looking past me at some hallucination.  Mom easily engages in conversation after her first Acupuncture treatment; just like the old days.  It's exciting.  (The photo shows my mom and my sister Ann in 2001, 9 years ago when she was on lots of pharma drugs and eating the wrong foods.  My mom began hallucinating in 2005.)

I still don't know how long the affects of the Acupuncture will last.  In the study that I had read where they used Acupuncture for dementia, the test group who had a treatment regularly for 3 months had shown an average of a 43% improvement in cognition.  We'll use Acupuncture regularly, to begin she'll have a treatment twice a month.

This is certainly an Independence Day to remember, it's the year that my mom came back to the real world.  We are all regaining our independence this weekend.

Yesterday, for the first time in over 2 years, my husband and I left my mom home alone with my MIL.  We went out for 2 hours and even stopped for a Margarita on the way home from our quick little shopping trip.  It was like the old days, days when we would just hop in the truck and not worry about who will stay with Jo.

Mom is still doing great with the Acupuncture.  It's still working.  She's settling in to her new normal.  Her mind seems to be working better.  Bad and annoying behaviors are now just memories, memories I'd rather forget.  I prefer to embrace the progress, the happy times that Acupuncture has uncovered bringing with it an Independence Day to remember.

Acupuncture Brought Peace

Every Saturday has been a day that my husband and I have dreaded for a very long time.

My mom doesn't seem to like Saturday in her demented state of mind.  Something about the day upsets her; often I wonder if it's because my husband is home with me all day and I don't give her the amount of attention that she gets during the week.

In any case, Saturday's usually suck.  Weekends typically rot, it's the norm.  I pray for Monday.  I pray for a little peace that is invited along by a week day routine.  Weekends have been a crap shoot... we never knew what to expect.  I still don't.

The acupuncture is still working for my mom, we are within the first 24 hours of her treatment.  She was up early this morning and dressed at 5:30 AM but today was different.  I said to her in my sleepy haze, "What are you doing dressed so early?  It's 5:30 on Saturday morning?"

My mom looked at me, smiled and put her finger to her lips.  Raising her foot to show me, "But Susie, I don't have my shoes on, I have my water shoes."  She laughed and I laughed.  She was having a good day.  She just happened to be wide awake.  She knew enough not to put on her loud clunky shoes which sound extra loud during the quiet of the morning.

We had a cup of coffee together and she had her supplements.  She was falling asleep sitting in the chair so I suggested she lay down for a little longer.  It was way too early to go to Whole Foods.  I promised her that I'd wake her in time to shop.  She is still sleeping.

I'm anxious for my mom to wake up.  I'm excited to see how she does in Whole Foods, a regular routine of ours, shopping for ingredients to prepare into health filled meals.  I wonder if the monkey in the bananas will wink at her or if she'll recognize it for what it is, a stuffed toy monkey.

Acupuncture brought peace to my mom and as an added bonus, it has permeated throughout my entire home.  Balance.  I love balance.  I love holiday weekends and weeks that are hazy, hot and humid.

This weekend, my country celebrates Independence Day, an appropriate time for me to have my own Independence Day, one where I am a little more free from the insanity that has bound me for so long.  I feel liberated today, way more than I did last weekend.  Just like my dad always told me, "wait a minute, things will change"; circumstances shifted as expected.

Happy 4th of July to all of my country people, may you find your own independence this weekend from whatever chains that are binding you.

Peace.

"Holy #$%^, Acupuncture Worked For My Demented Mom!"

I need to write a follow up to my last post because the Acupuncture worked and it worked very well for my mother.  While it's still fresh in my mind, I must tell this story that has both my sister Donna and me flipping out with joy.

My mom was tired before dinner, she laid down and took a nap for about an hour.  When she woke up, she was a bit more cheery and friendly toward me.  She was saying things like ,"Oakey Doakey."  "Alrighty!"  all positive phrases with lots of cheeriness in her voice and on her face.

She ate dinner and then napped a little more in her chair, while the Red Sox game and the cheering crowd filled her room with white noise.

"Ma, do you want to lay in your bed?"  I asked when I saw her sleeping in her chair.

"Oh No, I just got up!"  She stated as she forced her eyes open.

I turned her bed down and told her that she could go in when she wanted.  The sheets were clean and her pillows were fluffed.

"I want to talk to Donna."  My mom said to me.  All afternoon she wanted to talk to Donna, she wanted to tell her about the visiting angel and her acupuncture experience.

I returned a few minutes later with the phone.   My mom, she was in her bed and appeared to be asleep.

"Ma, do you want to talk to Donna?"  I asked.

"YES!"  My mom said as she sat up in bed.

I handed her the phone and walked away to get my mom's night time supplements.  A few minutes later, as I was walking down the hall I heard lots of talking.  I thought it was my mom's TV.  To my surprise it was MY MOM!  She was having a full conversation with my sister.  She was telling her all about her week with the Visiting Angel, where they went, about the ice cream... then she told her about the acupuncture that she had today.  My mom talked about my sister's camp up in Maine, she told her that she wants to go up again soon and see all her grandchildren.  It was AMAZING.

If I didn't see it for myself, I never would have believed it.  My sister is my witness.  She can't believe it either.  All I can say is "Holy #$%^, Acupuncture Worked for my demented mom!"

Acupuncture for Care Giver Stress and Patient Dementia

Acupuncture, a Traditional Chinese Medicine that works.

Yesterday I had an Acupuncture treatment at our Naturopath Doctor's office.   Stress was causing my body to hurt and ache, the pain felt "normal."  I never gave my own health a second thought, mostly because I am a Care Giver and we rarely think of ourselves when in Care Giver mode.  I found myself putting my own health on a "back burner."

How can I do anyone any good if I am sick myself?  It's like the airplane safety instructions, take care of yourself first and then help others.  Pretty logical.  It makes sense.

If all of this makes so much sense then why on Earth are so many Care Giver's sick or feeling like shit because we are putting our lives on a "back burner."  For what?  It doesn't help us, it just makes us more miserable, feeling trapped and in a hopeless state of mind.

In Swoop the Angels... renewed hope fed my soul.

New to Acupuncture, I waited for the tiny needles to be inserted into pressure points.  Needles were gently placed on my ankles, wrists, ear lobes and one in the top of my head.  "Relax and enjoy your 20 minutes of respite."  The doctor said as he exited the room.

I laid on the table and relaxed myself.   Deep slow breaths, in and out.  Slowly I paced my breathing, relaxing on each breath, giving myself the suggestion to relax.

I relaxed.  

Tears formed in my eyes as my tear ducts emptied. No emotions involved, just tears.  I continued to breath.  Going deeper into relaxation with each outward breath.

I had 20 minutes of respite, of quiet time while I gave the stress permission to leave.

I meditate.  

My 3rd eye opened up, bright and white, lots of light poured into the window of my soul like a golden vessel of pure energy.  I felt the light, light that was becoming an elixir to my soul.

Pressure points full of trapped energy (Qi) potentially manifesting as illness, had created an imbalance in my life.  Acupuncture, a Traditional Chinese Medicine practice used for thousands of years, liberated me both physical and mentally

Acupuncture relaxed me totally.

All the pain in my body left, especially the pain in my shoulder, pain that drove me mad at times when it would throb.  I felt good immediately.  No pain, none, zero, zippo, nada.  I am singing.  I am laughing with my mom again.  I have patience.

My home is in peace, finally!

Acupuncture worked so well for me that I began to wonder how it would work for my mother's dementia.  A few days ago I had read a few articles about Acupuncture for Dementia patients and asked Dr. Barton if it would be something that would help my mom.   He told me that if my mom was willing to give it a try it could help her with anxiety.  I told him about the articles that I read and forwarded them on to him.

I asked my mom, "Ma, do you want to try acupuncture?"

"Oh, I saw that on TV, sure, I know what that is, I'll do it."  My mom replied.

I read more about Acupuncture for Dementia patients and created a separate blog post with all the articles that I had found on the subject.  It was exciting.  It gave me hope, even if it's just a little, any hope is good.

"Susie, maybe it will help me, maybe it will help me to be able to change the TV channel by myself."  My mom said to me last night out of the blue.  She was thinking of Acupuncture and the possibility of it helping her regain some of her life.

This morning we were having coffee together and I asked her if she wanted me to call Dr. Barton to see if he could give her Acupuncture today.

"Oh, that's a GREAT idea!" My mom replied.

She had Acupuncture today.  Her hands are steady and void of tremors, tremors that she had because of her Parkinson-ism diagnosis.  Mom's still having trouble finding her words, but I also know she is tired.  Yesterday, after my treatment all I wanted to do was sleep.

I read that in the research studies, the patients received Acupuncture 2 times a week for 3 months.

My mom will have Acupuncture once a month for however long it appears to work for her.

It's not a cure for my mom's illness but Acupuncture does seem to help relieve the stress associated with the disease.  Stress not only on the patient but the Care Giver.  I highly recommend Acupuncture for Care Giver stress and patient dementia; it will do you a world of good.

Acupuncture left me with the feeling that I had just gone on vacation.  Relaxed with a renewed spirit, I am once more able to care for my mother and sing at the same time.

Acupuncture for Dementia - notes

Acupuncture for Dementia

Senile Dementia Treated with Acupuncture

Gateway to Chinese Medicine - dementia and acupuncture

Medical Acupuncture

Alzheimer's Disease and Acupuncture

Acupuncture for Alzheimer's

Acupuncture for Vascular Dementia

Every Care Giver Needs Respite

Today I am a free woman, no longer do I feel like a prisoner in my own home.  We have freedom, freedom that we had to buy.  My mom, she's free, she feels that she has control of her life with her new buddy, Cheryl.  Mom's Visiting Angel is also my angel, she is bringing balance back into our lives.

Last night was the first time that EVERYONE in the house was happy and at peace.  My husband came home to peace, finally he was able to walk through the door of his house and feel at home.

I sang last night while I prepared dinner.  

My stress had stopped the music that typically plays in my mind, music that sooths my soul.  I didn't hear the birds.  I didn't hear the sound of the wind as it rustled the leaves of the trees that surround our home.  I was lost... totally stuck in the mud and fearful that I would come to my demise before my aged and demented mother, my ward.

At the end of my rope, barely hanging on, I cried out to the Universe for a way out of this nightmare which had become my personal hell on Earth.  My body was becoming sick.  A rash was breaking out all over my body, beginning on my arms and moving to my neck, face and torso.  It itched and hurt.  The more stressed I became, the more it hurt, the more it itched.  I was scared.  I prayed for a miracle.

Out of the blue, during my darkest hour, my angel came to my rescue.  She arrived in a shot, a simple note that filled my heart with so much love.  My beliefs about family were being restored, a simple belief that our dad taught all of us, "Your family are your only true friends, stick together and help each other."  

My sister Ann, she came!  My heart poured out in tears, thankful for my big sister, the leader of our pack.  I have never loved her more than the day she came back into my life.  I missed her.  I was grateful to have someone to talk to about our mom, someone "who gets things done."

Both sister's came... Donna swooped in and saved me from the sadness that was consuming me.  Just in time, my angels arrived, one at a time, each coming at the perfect time, first Ann, then Donna and then Cheryl.

I can keep going on.  I have help and no longer have to carry the burden of a crazy mom by myself.

The last two years have been brutal caring for my demented mother by myself.   What got me through?  I practiced what I had learned from my dad, "the only time one fails is when they give up... that it's always darkest before dawn."

Every time we were in a dark time, I held up and knew that tomorrow is a new day, a better day.  I remembered that nothing ever lasts forever, that things change... dad taught me to "wait a minute, things will change."

Things have changed.  I feel that we have turned a huge corner.  The sun is out.  My mom has a buddy and I can finally take a breath and relax.  I need to relax and heal from the intensity of the stress that coursed through my body.  Peace.  I need peace.  Thanks to my sisters, I have peace.  I am grateful for their true love for family.

Every Care Giver needs respite.  If you ask for help enough, it will come.  People hear us Care Givers, we just need to let folks in to help.  Give up control because once you do, you will have the help and you will gain control of your life.

A Whirlwind of a Day

My day off yesterday was fabulous.  It went fast, it was a whirlwind of a day.  I had a dollar a minute massage, met my husband for a lunch date, went to K-Mart and bought discounted flowers, lots of them for under $7!  From there I drove around listening to the radio in my truck with the windows open wide.  I sang out loud and didn't care.

I also saw what I thought was a bottle bomb on the side of the street.  I called the cops.  I drove by the bottle a couple of hours later and it was still on the curb.  I do hope it isn't one of those bombs that I heard about, you can read about it here on Snopes - bottle bomb warning.

The respite worker arrived on time and my mom was ready to head out the door, she wanted to go to Market Basket.

My mom is crafty in her demented state. She wants to eat "real food", food that got her sick in the first place.  Processed foods, sugary foods, food that is poison to her system.

Our respite angel told me that my mom tried to buy cookies and ice cream, cookies and ice cream that I have not approved because of the chemical ingredients.  Ingredients that cause her to be super demented like Uncle Al.

I should have given the respite worker specific instructions about food for my mom.  I should have known that my mom would have tried to get away with eating the food that I don't let her eat.

The respite worker took my mom out for an ice cream.  She noticed immediately that it wasn't the right thing to feed my mom, my mom became lethargic.  It got worse after my relief left and I was back on duty.

My mom couldn't eat dinner.  She couldn't lift her fork, she didn't know how to use it.  It was frightening.  I was ready to call 911.  I checked her blood pressure and blood sugar, both were high.  She was due for her high blood pressure medicine so I gave it to her.  I made her a cup of ginger tea with 2 drops of fenugreek.  I had her lay in bed and relax.  I gave her Reiki and spoke calm words.

My mom began to feel better as her blood pressure and blood sugar came down to the normal range.  She ate dinner and was back to her normal state of mind.

What I learned is that food matters with Lewy Body Dementia patients.  If you feed them poison it will cause them to have bad behaviors or become super disoriented.

Today, Jay and I go to the eye doctor... my mom will stay home with her Visiting Angel.

Everything Is NO!

My mom is so disagreeable these days, everything is NO.  I ask her a question and the answer is NO, even if she wants it, she says NO.

"Ma, want to come in the pool with me?"  I ask

"No."  My mom answers.

"Ma, would you help me make dinner by breaking the ends off these string beans?"  I ask my mom.

"No."  My mom answers.

It's always NO.

Why?  Why is she so disagreeable?

I looked on the internet for an answer.  Understanding what causes these behaviors with my mom's illness is key to ending them just as quickly as they began.  My mom is lashing out because she is losing the feeling of control over her life.  My mom uses the word NO in order to gain control of her life, even if it means saying NO to something that she really wants.

What do I do when she never wants to do anything that I suggest?  Sitting idle is bad news, she hallucinates or becomes delusional causing unwanted behaviors.

I need help, how do I turn everything is NO into YES?  How do I get my ward to do things that will create an illusion that she is still in control of her life?  How do I ask the questions so that the idea sounds like it came from her and not me?

My mom is scared and she's lashing out.  She realizes that she can not do things on her own anymore and it is pissing her off, she is mad and beginning to blame me for her inabilities.  Should I stop helping her?  I don't know.

Patience is something that I only read about these days;  I'm totally burned out from Care Giving.  The Visiting Angels are sending a human angel today, she'll spend 5 hours with my mom so that I can have time to help myself.

What will I do with my gift of time from my sister and her husband?  Not sure but I can assure you that whatever I do will bring me happiness.