Care Giver Emotions and Attitude Matter

I'm a Care Giver for my mother.  I don't know how it happened, it just did.  I'm not sorry for the time I've spent with my mom; my mom taught me a life lesson, eat right, get plenty of exercise and sleep.  She also taught me something else that was unexpected, it's never too late to take care of yourself.

I was heading for Dementia Highway... in Mom's footsteps.  

My diet was not good.  I wasn't getting regular exercise, just sporadically when I felt the "Oh Shit" come over me when I finally got the courage to stand on a scale.  Each time I stood on the scale, the numbers climbed until I was obese, just like my mom.  I was unhappy, it had a negative affect on my spirit.

The other day I was talking to my new best friend and she said, "You know, caring for your mom was YOUR journey.  It was something for you to go through alone."  I have thought about her words since she spoke them and she's right.

I call it Karma, others would call it the luck of the draw.  

It has been a journey caring for my mother.  I learned a lot about myself, some good and some not so good.  I even forgive myself for all the not so good things that I may have done or thought.  I'm human.  I'm here to learn and create a life that will be remembered, long after I'm dead.

Every one can be an asshole to someone sometime.

I really don't remember who said those words, but I do remember hearing them years ago when I was young and impressionable.  I often wondered if it was just an excuse to be a shit head sometimes?  Looking back from a wiser place,  people are competitive and sometimes we all just suck; especially when we think it's all about us.

It takes work to be nice.  I remember a nun telling me once, "You get more with sugar than vinegar."  I never really understood what she meant.  I wanted to understand so I would be nice to people... old people.  Hence the beginning of my attraction to seniors and helping them during their tough times.

It's rewarding to care for a senior with dementia.  

There are days that just seem impossible when caring for a demented senior; I know, I live with one.  I have noticed that when my mood is not the greatest, my mom's behaviors are unbearable.  She's more bitchy and less agreeable when I am not in a good place mentally.

Demented people are super sensitive to emotions.  They tune in to feelings and can immediately scan a room and draw a conclusion just by the energy everyone is giving off.  I think this could be a reason why demented seniors have a hard time in crowds.  People are just uncomfortable around demented people.  Hell, how do you respond when someone says, "Hey, look at the elephant in the pool!"  or "Look at Eddie in the trees!" (Eddie is my dead brother.)  It can be a bit unnerving and seems to always trigger unacceptable behaviors.

I've noticed that when I'm happy; when I am singing... my mother is happy and listens to her mp3 player and sings "Here we are.... here we are......" all day long.  It's the song by Jason Mraz that she thinks sounds like angels singing to her.  Hey, whatever it takes to keep her happy, is super.

She didn't have acupuncture this week.  Dr. Barton is on vacation and she didn't want anyone else to do it.  She's had trouble finding her words all week and it's been bothering her.  I've been in a good mood because I have had respite.  I can handle her agitation and turn it around.

Monday, she will have acupuncture again; she is looking forward to it.

Another observation that I've made is Acupuncture won't work very well if the patient is agitated.  A couple of weeks ago my mom was pissed off.  I was tired and not in a good mood.  She was difficult.  She didn't want acupuncture because she keeps telling me that it's too expensive.  I told her that she has to do it because it makes it easier for us to communicate.  There was no getting through to her, she was not buying it, she wanted to be in control, period.

I let it all go.  I didn't force her to have acupuncture this week.  Now, she can't wait for Monday so that she can talk again after her acupuncture treatment.

In a nutshell, care giver emotions and attitude matter more than anything.  Keep smiling.  Sing.  Get respite so that you have the strength to keep doing your angel work.

Natural Remedies, Acupuncture, Dementia and Care Giver Stress

It's been one week today since my mom had Acupuncture for the first time to help her dementia symptoms.  It was our last hope to help her before we began traditional medicine drugs.  Knowing the effects that pharmaceuticals have on her from past experience, we opted to go down the natural remedies road.

We see an accredited Naturopath Doctor, one that we found from the National Association of Naturopathic Doctors website.   Dr. Shiva Barton is our doctor, we've been seeing him for about a year.  The natural supplements and remedies that he prescribes has dialed my mom back to the point where she sleeps through the night.  Remedies that he prescribed help me to tame my mom's delirium and hallucinations that can be triggered by food that my mom eats or hallucinations that scare her.

Acupuncture has given my mom her voice, she is communicating, she is able to focus her attention on a movie or TV sitcom.  She even enjoys watching the Red Sox play ball; something that brought her enjoyment in the past.

I can talk to my mother again.  We all can.  My mom is happy because she can be involved in conversations, she can keep up and add to the conversations.

My mom, she's a drug free Senior, off all pharmaceuticals, drugs that seemed to cause more problems than they had solved.  Today, she is walking down the gentle and natural road of healing.  A glimmer of hope has been sparked.  We have more time, more quality time with our little mom.

Today I am excited and happy.  My dreams are coming true.   My mom is able to communicate, my stress level is dropping, my family has returned and I no longer need to live in the crazy world of Lewy alone.

Just when I was ready to give up and call 911 to take my mom away, help came.  It arrived all at once when I was ready to give in to the stress of Care Giving.  I became one of those people who cried to the Heavens, asking the question "WHY?!"

The help that arrived came just in time.  I was spiraling downward, forgetting everything that I had learned to help keep my spirit happy and in peace.  I cried, a lot.  My tears made things worse.  More shit was coming at me, more burdens and more pressure.  My head was about to blow off the top of my head and I was even beginning to think that being dead is better than dealing with this shitty hand that I was holding.  I cried.

I wanted peace.  I needed peace.  I needed people to help me instead of me helping more people.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  My nerves were shot and my body began to shake from the inside; a disturbing tremor that was unsettling.   I cried.  I called our Naturopath Doctor and scheduled an Acupuncture treatment for myself to treat my stress.

Stress can and does kill.  I felt it.  I was beginning to have some scary symptoms that were brought on by the stresses of Care Giving.  My well was dry and people were coming to me for more... I couldn't do it.  I snapped.  I hollered.  I cried.  I screamed.  I needed to take care of me because no one else will do it for me.

I said NO!  I screamed at all those who were shirking their own responsibilities and trying to dump them on me.  I couldn't do it.  My mom and all the pressures of my own life have consumed my life.  I have no life.  I want my life back, even just a little bit of it.  I deserve to live a happy life.

Knowing that I create my own happiness, I said NO.  I pissed people off with my approach, but I don't care.  Who needs people around that are more like energy vampires than human angels offering a helping hand.  Some times people need to be kicked in the head with words and vulgarity because it's the only thing that will jolt them out of complacency.

Today I am happy.  I am creating my dreams in my mind, holding happy thoughts, thoughts that are manifesting before my eyes.  No one will come in and take this away from me because I will not allow it.  I chose to be happy with myself and all of my actions.  I deserve to be happy.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own lives in order to birth the life of their dreams.  I am following the beat of my own drum with a plan to create more peace and happiness.