Fabulous Weekend!

Mom smiling and dancing while wearing her "bling" that she got from "school"

Mom had a super weekend.  She smiled.  She danced. She sang.

Stomp.  Stomp.  Stomp.

The sound of dancing to her favorite Frank Sinatra tunes filled my heart with hope.  No arguments.  No poop issues.  Life was peaceful for all of us.

Lithium Orotate seems to be helping my mom's mood a lot.  I love it when she dances.  I love it when she says, "YES!"  

Yesterday, late afternoon, I took my mom to Whole Foods with me.  She wasn't sleepy like usual, she was even finding her words.   She walked the aisles of Whole Foods, pushing the cart and picking out fruit that she wanted to have when we got home.  She danced and sang to the music that was piped through the market.  Mom was agreeable, she was remembering... Wow!  We had a great time shopping together; I thought our shopping days were over.

Mom is happy.  She is smiling a lot.  My pleasant mom has returned.  We dance all day, even as she's ready to climb into her bed, we dance.  I am psyched... we have more good days, more time for more memories with dear old mom before her last day on Earth.  

I am grateful for the extra time.  I am grateful for Dr. Barton and his lucky guess.  I am grateful for a fabulous weekend filled with song and dance.

Bringing Back The Good Days

(This blog post has been modified since first publishing.)

Ma having Acupuncture

Last Wednesday, my mom visited our Naturopath Doctor for a follow-up visit.  Mom isn't on any pharmaceutical drugs to treat her Lewy Bodies Dementia, she takes natural remedies that Dr. Barton recommends.  Our goal has always been to help bring more good days than not so good ones.  We've had lots of success over the last 2 plus years.

The last month my mom has shown a dramatic decline in her cognition and ability to communicate.  Her mood has been a bit anxious; the word NO has become her favorite sound.  Past experience dictates that NO is her only way to control some thread of her life.  Even if the answer should logically be YES, she will say NO... frustrating for all Care Givers that provide care.

Acupuncture helped her find her voice, restoring her ability to speak sentences using the right words to express herself.  Communicating with ease always seems to reduce my mom's anxiety, replacing unwelcome behavior with singing and dancing.

A couple of months ago, my mom wanted to stop Acupuncture.  Treatments were 2 times a week for several months; her cognition improved.  Mom wanted to stop Acupuncture, no reason given, she just didn't want to do it anymore.

Gradually, without Acupuncture, she lost her ability to communicate and incontinent episodes became the norm; poop and pee often greeting me in the twilight of the night.

Tomorrow, she will have Acupuncture again, we are hopeful that it will improve mom's word finding as it has in the past.

During our visit last week with our ND, he recommended Lithium Orotate supplement to help with her cognition and mood.  Lithium Orotate is known to increase gray matter in the brain, often given to Alzheimer's sufferers.  Dr. Barton suggested that we give a small dosage of Lithium Orotate a try, so we did.

Lithium Orotate is an easily absorbed version of Lithium, unlike the pharmaceutical version that needs to be taken in large amounts and require blood tests to monitor toxicity.  Naturally occurring in nature, it's a mineral that is often used to help treat manic mental disorders including Alzheimer's.

Mom's had 4 doses of Lithium Orotate; yesterday was her best day in a long time.  She was dancing and singing to music all day.  I was downstairs and I heard stomp, stomp, stomp... she was dancing up a storm, smiling and talking to all of her friends, especially my dead brother, Ed.

I'm hopeful for another good day today.                                          

Mom slept through the night last night and didn't even remove her Depends!  She woke up this morning to use the toilet and went back to sleep for a short nap.  Upon awakening the 2nd time, she took her supplements without much hesitation; lately she has forgotten how to swallow capsules.

Mom's dancing again, day two.  Shockingly, she dressed herself appropriately today!  Picking out her outfit that matched and put her pants and shirt on without any help.  What a breakthrough for her, she feels like she can and she IS!

I am hopeful that I will be able to get through the wait time involved with placing her in a good quality home that we can afford.  With the help of Dr. Barton, we are bringing back the good days once more; I'm grateful.

Watching Parents Die

My mom and dad on their wedding day
August 1956

January, 1979... the dawn of a new year.  I was a 2nd semester Freshman in college and life was more fun than it had been for me since I was 6 years old.  My dad was alive.  My mom was a mom, she took care of her family and loved them all very much.

Dad was finally getting ahead in life.  He was 48 and a recent college graduate; leaving school in 9th grade for the school of hard knocks.  My dad was a likable individual, he smiled and sang all the time.  He had a beautiful voice and would often tell me stories of winning singing contests.

One story he told over and over, laughing while he told it as though it just happened.  He was about 12 and there was a talent contest in Chelsea, the city where he lived.  He got up on stage, got so nervous that he pee'd his pants.  Instead of running off the stage, he began singing, "Give me five minutes more..."  He completed the song, got a standing ovation and won the contest.

My dad appeared fearless to me.  He taught me so much just by what he did and how he was in life.  He worked hard, loved his family and making people happy.  Dad was an excellent party host.

One night in January 1979, my dad took us all out to dinner to the Hilltop Steak House.  I was psyched.  I loved going out to dinner with my family, it was always a big treat.  This one night, the restaurant was crowded and we had to wait.  We waited in the lounge.  I was finally of legal drinking age so I was able to have a drink with my dad.  Yay!

My dad took a sip of his High Ball and he immediately became ill.  He broke out in a sweat and was feeling nauseous.  We had to leave, we couldn't stay at the restaurant, he was sick.  I remember coming home with my dad, making him saltine cracker sandwiches with a slice of butter slapped between the two crackers and a cup of coffee.  Food that I now know was the WORST food for me to feed him.  I was making his situation worse.

Dad went to the ER and he underwent tests and an operation; prognosis was Pancreatic Cancer with 6 months to live.  It was crushing news, but my dad, the fighter that he was, didn't let it get him.  He knew he was going to die and he felt bad that he was leaving my mom at such a young age.  Instead of becoming depressed, Dad prepared my mother.

My dad and my mom used to go for walks along the beach.  I'm not sure exactly what my dad was telling my mom, but I do know that my dad was preparing her for his death.  It was sad but also sweet to see them drive off for their daily walk along the beach.  Their days together were numbered and my dad was going to make them count.  He did.

Dad withstood chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  Both made him more ill and seemed to piss off the cancer cells; they spread like a ferocious lion eating it's way through a hen house.  My dad was fading fast.

His last words to me, which I believe changed the course of my life were, "Susie, you are partying too much.  You are going to drop out of school like your sister.  Please don't be a disappointment to me.  You are better than that, make me proud."  I never forgot dad's words.  Words that truly saved me.  He died the next day.

Dad died after 7 months of suffering; the day he passed was the worst day of my young life.  I lost the only person in the world who encouraged me and often approved of me.  He left this world disappointed in me; I didn't have his approval and that was crushing.

On the day that dad passed, I promised my mom that I'd take care of her when she became an old lady.  Maybe I was trying to seek my dad's approval from the other side?  My mom laughed at my promise, never believing it would come true.

I spent my life building a successful career.  I became an over achiever.  My dream of being a 3rd grade school teacher went out the window because the salary wouldn't afford me the opportunity to take care of my mom.  My mother NEVER thought that I would be here care giver, she expected it to be one of my other sisters.

Only when I bought a house for the 2 of us in 1998 did she believe me.  Years have passed since my mom and I became roommates.  I am now witnessing the slow death of my mother, which is just as heart wrenching as watching my dad die in gut wrenching pain brought on by cancer.

Often, I find myself praying for my mom's end day to come soon, it's horrible to watch her quality of life diminish.  Her loss of control over her life is the hardest part of her decline to watch.  She blames me for her inabilities and has begun to tell me that she doesn't love me.  It used to hurt and make me cry; not anymore.

I have done all that I can do for my mom.  I miss her every day, even though she lives in the same house.  I miss how she used to help me in the house.  How I would come home and my dishes would be done and the sink would be clean.  I miss how she used to make me mushroom soup.  I'd call her from an airport somewhere and tell her what time I'd be home.  She always had something hot and ready for me to eat when I got home after a long trip.  It didn't matter if it was 1 AM, mom was always up and greeting me.

I do wish my dad could have lived longer so that I could have had more memories with him.  Instead, I got the gift of my mom.  We have had some awesome times together and some extremely difficult ones too.  I'm sure if there's a life after death, my dad approves.

So... it's not easy watching ones parents die, but what I'm learning is that there's a blessing hidden in every relationship we have with other humans on Earth.  You, my reader, you too are a hidden blessing in my life.  Thank you for reading my words and encouraging me to write every day so that you can find my prose.

What Made Me Do It?

View from the top of Haleakala Crater, Hawaii

Care Giving, it's not for everyone and at times, I honestly believe it's not for me either.  It just took me until the end of my time as my mom's full-time Care Giver to figure it out.

Lately, I've been reflecting on the experiences as a Care Giver for my mom, all the phases that we've made our way through. Thinking to myself, "Ah, now we figured it out," only to be disappointed by another decline and increased dependency; changes that steal a little more of my mom, leaving me with an 81 year old baby.

What made me do it?  Why did I chose to be my mom's Care Giver?  Why have I worked so hard to find a way to ease the progression of her illness?  Why have I been a carer for people my entire life?  What was my motive?

Now that I've gone through life as a Care Giver, I realized that I do it for approval.  I've always wanted approval from everyone around me.  I wanted to be noticed and to be deemed as a worthwhile person, someone who's needed.  I was searching for love and affection.

I chased approval but could never catch it.  I was looking for approval outside of myself... I would never obtain what I was seeking.  I had people all around me but still felt alone and empty.  I did more and became more miserable.

Approval.  We all want to be liked and accepted.  We want to be part of a Monkeysphere, where we feel part of a community and recognized for our greatness.  The race for approval will make us do things that we never thought we could do; the need for the feel good approval buzz is our driving force.

My mom is demented and the one person in this world that I have been chasing for approval my entire life.  It never came.  I realize now that it will never come from my mom, it needs to come from within me.  Only I can make myself happy and feel satisfied with my life choices.

Approval is like God, it's within.  You can't see it, you feel it and we always seem to look outside of ourselves for it.  Looking outside of ourselves for approval or God, rarely leads to a happy ending.  Even those who go to church all the time are seeking approval from a God that is outside of themselves... no wonder folks "sin."

We want the approval blessing from others in our circle, especially family.  Rarely does it come and when it doesn't, our feelings are hurt.  Words are spoken, words that cut and can't be retrieved; we find ourselves farther away from the very thing we desire.  Hard feelings begin to build a wall, sealing in our only chance for approval.

Some of us will try harder and then there are those of us who just say "screw it, I'll never be good enough."  I happen to be one of those folks who tried harder for approval.  I became an over achiever.  Even while my mom declined, sinking deeper into her demented world; I tried to gain her approval.  She isn't capable to give me what I want or need any longer; she never was capable because I held the key to what I wanted.

Chasing approval of others brings sadness.  Our expectations are never met because we are not even sure what it is that we expect.  We search.  We come up empty.  We do more and it brings more of the same hollow pit in our gut longing to be filled.

Love yourself.

What I've come to understand fully is to approve of myself first and then the rest of the world will also approve of me.  I need to have the approval of the most important person in my world... ME.  How can anyone else approve of me if I don't even approve of me?

My dad used to tell me when I was a little girl, "Susie, the only one that you know exists is yourself.  When I walk out of this room, I don't exist anymore, you don't know for sure if I do because you can't see me.  Be true to yourself and the world will be yours."

Finally, after so many decades, I understand what my dad was attempting to teach me.  I approve of me.  I love me.  My world is mine.

What made me do it?  I was searching outside of myself.  I was looking to other people to fill my void, even if it meant over extending myself, compromising my personal happiness.  I was never happy because I didn't feel satisfied, something was missing.

However, I did discover that the answer was always with me, it just took me 50 years to find approval.  I approve!

The Compassion Pit

Steve Dean Art

Compassion is a deep emotion that has played my heart strings for as long as I can remember.  Folks that are ill or need help, always ring my compassion bells, catapulting me into action.

Why?  Not sure.

Compassion.  I like being compassionate.  Something about giving of myself to another human that really needs the help; it gives me a sense of well-being and goodness.  It can be addicting.

I read an article the other day about "The Monkeysphere."  It's an interesting concept about how many people you can actually care about; monkeys can care about 50 other monkeys.  According to the article, humans can only care about 150 people deeply; everyone else, not important enough for us to care.

I believe because of "the Monkeysphere" concept, we can flip people off on the road while driving.  We have no attachment to these strangers, we just don't care about them; compassion on the road?  No way.

"F-YOU!  Where'd you learn to drive?  The 5 and 10?" 

Compassion allows us to reach outside of the 150 people in our Monkeysphere.  Because of compassion we have the power to make our world a more peaceful place for all of us to co-habitat the planet Earth.

So...

I found this website where you can practice the beautiful art of Compassion.

"The Compassion Pit."  

This is the place where one can be an anonymous listener or an anonymous venter.  Seems to be more listeners than venter's; perfect for care givers who need someone to offer some compassion during those really tough times of caring.

Give it a try... if you need to talk to someone, log in as a Venter.  If you are feeling good and want to show some compassion for a fellow human somewhere on this big blue planet that isn't in your Monkeysphere... log in as a Listener!

Law of Numbers: Increasing the Odds

Hickory Hills Golf Course
Massachusetts

Several years ago, I studied and took a test to become licensed to sell insurance.  I have believed that it was a huge waste of my time and in my opinion, a legal scam that I had bought into; until now.

I did learn one thing while studying and being trained to be an Insurance Agent, I learned about the Law of Numbers.  If you cast your net out far and wide, the law of numbers (averages) will work in your favor, bringing you something in return for the relentless hours of searching for a client.  In my case, it's in search of a bed for my mom in a nursing home.  It's way past her time to be in a skilled nursing facility.

The Law of Numbers is my new approach to finding a nursing home for my mom. By visiting as many places as I can and putting her on as many lists as possible, I am increasing our odds for a bed opening for her.

My husband made up a spreadsheet of all the homes that we will visit based on our careful review of Medicare and HSS ratings.  We will track calls, our home visits and our impressions of the facilities.

Today, I followed up and called all the homes where my mom's already on the list.  I'm pinging them to let them know that we are waiting.  I thank a Nun for teaching me that "the squeaky wheel gets the oil."  I'm using this approach too.

I'm also...

Praying to Mother Mary.

Visualizing my husband and me happily married, enjoying married life.

I am on vacation in my mind, enjoying a round of golf with my husband on a beautiful golf course in a pleasant climate.

In my thoughts, my future is happy and free of all worries because every day in every way gets better and better.

I love my future vision, it brings me peace and hope for better tomorrows even if the world appears to be going crazy.

Where the Wind Blows

Steve Dean Art

Lewy Bodies Dementia is like the wind; it blows when it blows and can disrupt our lives when we least expect it.  

Certain types of foods seem to wake up Lewy, bringing this dreaded illness front and center into our lives.  From my experiences, Lewy can appear with a vengeance, especially after my mom eats something processed or white.  White bread made from wheat is a sure way to bring on the crazies as well as explosive bowels.

I've been cooking with more spices and herbs, ingredients that always seem to give my mom more good days.  Turmeric and black pepper combined is amazing how well it works with my mom's cognition.  She's less confused and can find her words more easily.  Communication is better after my mom eats a meal with thyme, oregano, cumin, coriander, rosemary, turmeric and black pepper.

Last night, I made her favorite, Eggplant Parmesan (gluten free.)  I added a teaspoon of turmeric to the tomato sauce; it added a nice kick of flavor.  My mom loved her dinner, eating ever speck of food off her plate.  

When my mom doesn't like her meal, she will move it all over her plate and cover it with a piece of tissue.  It reminds me of the old trick that my classmates and I tried when we were kids in Grammar school.  The nuns would walk around and make sure we ate our lunch, always able to detect the child like deceptions that more food was eaten.

Nuns would always say, "The children in Bangladesh would love to have this lunch.  You need to eat your food and be grateful that you have food."    Logic.  It didn't work on me as a kid and definitely doesn't work on my mom who has reverted to her second toddler-hood; thanks to Lewy.

Today my mom woke up in a good state of being.  She was alert and able to swallow her supplements without much coaxing.  She ate all of her breakfast, oatmeal and blueberries.  Dressing her was a breeze.  This morning, my mom was able to converse with me more than past mornings.  It's a good day.

Blood pressure reading was very good this morning; typically running 200/70 something in the morning when she wakes up.  Today, it was 150/70 and that was right after she had eaten breakfast!

I've always noticed that when my mom's Blood Pressure and Blood Glucose readings are low, she tends to have better cognition and her word finding is such that she can communicate.

Today, the wind has blown Lewy away.  I am grateful.  I wonder if it's the herbs and spices that I put in her dinner last night that chased storm Lewy out of town?

The Midnight Horror

My mom seems to have an issue with chronic Urinary Tract Infections.  Just as soon as she finishes one course of antibiotics and her behaviors level out to near "normal," she has another infection begin to brew.  It's frustrating for her and all of us who care for her.

She needs to drink more water; she refuses to drink water most of the time.  She prefers coffee which is the worst thing for her, it's dehydrating.  If I don't give her coffee, she becomes a colossal bitch.

I've learned that UTI's breed more easily when sugar or simple carbohydrates are ingested.  Now that my mom is at "school" all day, I can't really control her diet and make sure that she eats only fruits, vegetables and lean meats.

I've learned that restricting her diet to avoid UTI's and other weird behaviors, is also counterproductive because she becomes unhappy and has weird behaviors come on anyway because she's upset.

UTI's, odd behaviors and bad moods are a vicious cycle that I don't know how to fix so I say "screw it."  I let her have some sugar and simple carbohydrates in the form of a Peanut Butter and Jelly on Udi's Gluten Free bread.  She is always happy when she's eating her PB&J; they put her in a good mood.

I know that my mom has a UTI brewing; we tested her with a home UTI test kit by Azo.  The nurse from her Day Program used it yesterday and told me that she does have one coming on.

I knew it... she always forgets where the toilet is at night when she's got a UTI.

Last night, we had an issue, she couldn't find the bathroom.  She has a horrible habit of taking off her diaper in the middle of the night and then running through the house, with feces dropping out of her pie hole all over the carpeting.  The worst is when she steps in it and tracks it all over the house.

Last night at midnight, we had such an event occur.  It was the worst shit storm I have ever seen and had to clean up.  I feel horrible that my husband woke up and helped clean up the poop off the carpet while I cleaned all the crap off my mom's body; poop all over her feet, between her toes and all over her legs.

Cleaning her up, I gagged so much that I still feel the ill effects of dry heaving this morning.

It's time that my mom goes to a home.  I pray that a bed opens for her soon.

I am asking anyone who wants to pray for a bed to open for her to please pray, your prayers are welcomed!

Today, I'll look at more homes and get her on more lists.  Maybe the Law of Numbers will work in our favor and get my mom into a home sooner than later; this works for insurance companies, maybe it will work for me?

Never did I want to wipe my mom's ass, which I do every day now.  Cleaning up a large dump of human feces is something that I could never get used to doing; not for ANYONE... not even myself.  I chose to never have children because I didn't want to deal with poop and pee on a regular basis.  Who knew I'd have to deal with my mom's?  God help me.

Last night was a true horror.  Even after we cleaned up the mess and I went back to sleep, I had a nightmare that my mom had woken up and taken a huge dump in her closet.  I gagged in my dream; it woke me up.  I had to check the closet... it was just a dream caused by the midnight horror of trails of shit throughout my home.  God help us.

Hello God?  Are you listening to my prayers?  I really could use a miracle where my mom's concerned.

He Remembered Me!

Uncle Al recognizing Nikki,
"You are beautiful and getting so big, you are a big girl!"

It's been awhile since I visited Uncle Al.  I've felt bad that I haven't been able to get up to New Hampshire to see him.  On Friday last week, we visited him.

He was hallucinating like my mom.  Talking about the children on the roof and all the noise that they were making.  He would smile when he talked about the children.

Uncle Al was reaching out with his hand as though he was grabbing something out of thin air.  A few times we thought he was going to topple out of his chair and land on his face.

Uncle Al and Maryann
He needed background music
for his
hallucinations

Initially, Uncle Al didn't really recognize us.  Maryann and I talked to him, we held his hand and rubbed his back.  He smiled.  We put headphones on his head while his favorite Classical music echoed through his head.  Uncle Al loved the music.

Our little Nikki
She's such a good little girl

Uncle Al had lots of visitors on Friday, most were visitors that we couldn't see. He could see them;  all that really mattered because he was happy.

Nikki sat quietly in a chair with my iPad, pressing the screen, looking at all her pre-school applications that I had downloaded for her.  Maryann and I visited with her dad.  It was a good day.

Nikki was excited that her Grampy recognized her.  She turned to me after Uncle Al remembered his little Princess and said, "He said I was a big girl!  He remembered me!"

 All she could talk about after we left Uncle Al was how he recognized her.  Later she said to her mom, "Mummy, Grampy remembered me!  I want to visit him all the time so that he doesn't forget me again."

Maryann and me
Nikki was our photographer
not bad for a 4 year old!

I'm grateful for Maryann.  She understands the pains of care giving; she has lived it.

Maryann has walked the Care Giver's path before me; she understands and knows what I'm going through.  I really don't know what I'd do without her.

Maryann is my family and I love her.

I also believe that together we are getting through the pains associated with watching our parents fade into the light.  Maryann is a blessing in my life; I am grateful.

Thank God for all Care Givers everywhere; we understand and we really do know how to help fellow care givers who have found themselves stuck in a hole.

Hello?!

My Mom's Bathroom
... at least she didn't pee in the bucket!

I've been very tired lately, not getting enough sleep at night being the main culprit.  Sleeping with one ear open for my mom is beginning to wear me down, it's causing me bouts with insomnia.  It's horrible to be sleep deprived, ones entire day becomes a blur and the ability to think positive becomes more and more challenging.

Last night, I couldn't wait to go to sleep.  I had visited my cousin Maryann yesterday, we swam in her complexes indoor pool and soaked in the Jacuzzi.  It was nice.  Driving home, I felt like that Simpsons episode where Homer was sleepy while driving.  Every car that he passed on the road began to look like a bed... that's how I felt on my drive home.  I just wanted to sleep.

I didn't sleep, I kept control of my truck and made it home safely.

My mom arrived at 4:30 yesterday.  I had dinner in the oven.  I have noticed that when the house smells like a home cooked meal, my mom is less confused.  Getting her to climb the stairs to her room is easier when she smells food on the stove.   The smell of food being prepared sets the stage for a peaceful evening with my mom.

When I'm tired, I have less patience with my mom which triggers unwanted behaviors.  I'm aware of how my mood affects my mom; yesterday, I put extra effort into keeping my emotions in control.  It worked.

Mom was tired yesterday too.   Bedtime was a welcomed event for her and me.  I love my mom's bedtime.

1:30 am...  "HELLO?!"  Over and over again my mom called out in the dark of the night, waking me out of a sound sleep.  Rushing up the stairs, I heard my MIL calling my mom's name, she had panic in her voice.

I reached my MIL's room to see my mom climbing into her bed.  My mom was sleep walking, she didn't hear a thing, she saw the bed and was getting into it.

I grabbed my mom around the waist and pulled her off the bed.  I led her to her room.  My mom had removed her diaper; a nightly routine for her.  I went in to her bathroom to get a clean diaper to put on her before I tucked her in bed.  The diapers are kept in her bathroom.

I was groggy.  Walking into her bathroom, I noticed her dirty diaper on the floor.  I picked it up.  It was heavy... she peed.  I took one more step only to step in a huge puddle of urine... in my bare feet!  Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!  I totally hate it when I step in urine in the middle of the night.  I was pissed (ha ha... ya, a play on words.)  At least it wasn't poo... stepping in her poo is way worse.  Yes, I have stepped in her shit in the wee hours of the morning.

My mom, her night gown was wet, she didn't pull it up once she reached the toilet.  God help me.

Getting a diaper back on her was nearly impossible.  She stood with her legs locked and stiff; she wasn't here.  She was sleeping as she stood.

"Ma, lift up your foot!"  I repeated over and over again.  Tapping the back of her calf, something that always seemed to get her to lift her foot in the past.  It didn't work.  I couldn't lift her foot, I couldn't move her.  Finally, I was able to put her diaper on, a clean night gown and tuck her into bed.

1:45am, I was cleaning my mom's huge pee puddle off the bathroom floor.  I didn't cry.

It's time for my mom to go to a home.  I pray that a bed opens up soon.  I need my rest.  My mom needs help 24 hours a day.  I worry that she's going to fall; slipping on her own urine that she sprinkles all over the floor or loss of balance when she walks.

I pray that she can hold out at her current Day Program.  The rule is, once she begins to wander, she will need to go to a different place that is locked down.   This week, the nurse told me that they keep the door shut in the room where the old folks sit; mom is starting to wander.  SHIT!

A change in her daily routine and the people she sees will create a huge setback for us.  Change is hard for my mom.  Routines make her calm.  She likes to know what's going on, even in her demented state of mind.

Please Universe... hear my pleas... please open a bed in one of the homes where my mom is on the wait list.  I can't care for her any longer.  I've done all that I can, even with help coming into our home.  Mom needs round the clock help, something that is increasingly more difficult for me to provide with each passing day.

The Challenging Day

A sleepy mom, waiting for her ride to Day Care

God love my sister Ann, she bought me a Llewelyn Calendar for Christmas this year.  It's an awesome Astrological Calendar; I haven't had one in a few years.


Subconsciously, I've been avoiding getting one because the calendar identifies both challenging and rewarding days for each sign of the Zodiac.  

Do I really want to know?

The calendar has driven me a little nuts in the past.  I used to become obsessed with it.  Knowing when my "challenging" days are coming or if I'm in the midst of a challenging day, does something to my psyche.  


I begin to brace myself for a challenge.  Caring for my mom, every day has challenges, some days more challenging than the next.  


"Oh man... do I really want to know my tougher days?"  I ask myself.


Yesterday, I don't know what made me check the calendar, but I did.  Today is one of my challenging days; this month, according to the calendar, I have 5 freaking challenging days!  I hate it when the month brings more than 2 challenging days but FIVE?  

I brace myself.

I woke up this morning, mustering up all the optimism that I could.  I even jumped out of bed stating to the Universe, "Today is a GREAT day!"  I felt pretty good, was I convincing enough?


I woke up a little late this morning, only 15 minutes later than usual.  My mom, she was sound asleep, not in the mood to wake up.  Getting her up was challenging.  


I asked myself, "Hmmm, was this my challenge for the day?"


She didn't wake up in the middle of the night and remove her diaper.  Bonus!  No poop or pee to be cleaned up, how challenging could this day be?  


"Don't taunt the Universe Sue!"  I heard my inner voice scream.    Have I overcome the shadow of the challenging day hanging over my head, clouding my mind with apprehensions; what will today bring, I thought.


Suddenly, like a light switch turning off, mom forgot how to swallow her small supplements.  She had no idea what I was asking her to do.  She would reply to me in one word answers as though she understood, "Ok."  or "Sure."  Next? Nothing, she'd sit there and stare off into space.  


It's beyond freaky when she goes to Lewy Land.  No matter how many times I've witnessed it, it never seems to get any easier.  

Lewy Land sucks.

The clock was ticking, the time was moving closer to 7AM when Martha is scheduled to take her off to "school."  My anxiety began to bubble as my mom wasn't able to follow my simple instructions.  


Sweat beads began forming on my forehead; worried that my mom wouldn't be able to handle leaving the house today.  She NEEDED to go today, I couldn't handle a full day with her at home.  After all, according to the calendar, it is a challenging day for all Leo's!


I remained as calm as I could, deep breathing helped.  I was able to coax her to take recommended daily supplements.  She appeared to awaken as she ate her oatmeal.  I made and packed snacks while she had her breakfast.  


"I haven't had a sip of coffee yet!"  I thought to myself in horror... a challenge.  I was running on empty; I too was sleepy this morning.  

I needed caffeine. 

"Dressing... was this going to be challenging?"  I found myself thinking a negative thought.  I screamed silently, with my inner voice chattering "Stop!  Happy thoughts, happy thoughts... visualize warm sunny beaches in Hawaii... happy thoughts!" 


I asked God to help.  "Please God, let this dressing go well, we only have 20 minutes before Martha arrives."


My greatest fear is that mom will soil herself and need to be changed at the exact time that her ride arrives?  Again, I forced myself to change my thoughts and I began to recall the vacations that I've had over the years; fond memories that are helping me get through the daily ass wipe for my mom.

God help me.

Dressed, coat on and waiting at the door for Martha, my mom breaks the silence, "Uh oh.  I got to go."


"Now?!  Are you kidding?"  I replied with a stressed out tone.  


"Here's the challenge!"  I thought.  My worst nightmare, a vision that I've had repeatedly over the last few months; my thought became reality.  Mom has to poop, Martha was about to pull into the driveway any second and the bathroom is upstairs.  

Please dear God, PLEASE let us make it to the bathroom!

I left the door open, my mom's coat on the chair with her lunch bag in view through the glass storm door.  Rushing in a panic, I nearly carried my mom up the stairs and to the toilet.  Cleaning her and changing her pants was not something that I wanted to do just as her ride was arriving.  "Oh, God!  Please help me!"  I cried inside, holding back my tears.  I know from experience that my tears make matters much worse.


My pleas to the Heavens were answered;  she made it to the toilet!  Ah... now that wasn't so challenging.  However I chose not to taunt the forces of the Universe and showed gratitude for the blessing that my mom's business landed in the appropriate location... the toilet. 

"Thank you God!"

Learning from past experience, I put on rubber gloves, wiped my mom's fanny and pulled up her pants.  Nothing worse than having a feces mess to clean when her ride is waiting.  I've done this once and hope to never have to do it again.  The thought makes me shudder in fear.


Although my calendar told me that today is a challenging day, we made it through the morning without anything nasty to be cleaned.  My mom is out of the house and I have the day to get things done for myself.  

"Hello, Universe?  I'm grateful for the morning we had, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  Thank you."  Sue

One thing that I have to remind myself about the Lewellyn Calendar, challenging days are only as challenging as I chose to make them.  I need to use the calendar as a tool to raise my awareness; lay low and not take things so seriously, especially stuff that I read.  


Like everything, the challenges will pass and the skies will bring better days.  There is no good reason to hang on to the challenges, they don't serve my higher purpose to achieve happiness.

My God wants me to be happy all the time.

Today, I choose to expect the best and the best will come.  It's up to me to rule the stars and not have the stars rule me.  


A popular Astrologer from my teen years (loved his reports,) the Cosmic Muffin, used to say at the end of his daily Astrological forecast, "It's a wise man who rules the stars, but it's a fool who's ruled by them."  Words that definitely ring true for me today.  I choose to be the wise woman today and rule the stars.  

Hand Over the Keys, Ma

Senior Driving

The time has come for my 87 year old MIL to hear the words, "Hand over the keys, Ma!"  Diminished reflexes and poor judgement are the tell tale signs that it's time to put safety first.  Asking a senior to give up driving is akin to asking them to hand over all of their money.

I walked this path with my mom.  I failed miserably.  We had fights every day.  Convincing her to stop driving was not an easy task.  I still don't know how I did it.

So readers of my blog, please help me.  I need some creative ideas.

How do we get the seniors in our lives to give up their car keys willingly?  The fighting is worse than what I'd imagine it's like when fighting with a teenager over the same subject... driving.

Please, I need help ... what are some of the clever ways you've been able to convince mom or dad that it's time to stop driving?

Gluten Free Eggplant Parmesan

Sue's Gluten Free
Eggplant Parmesan 

My mom LOVES Eggplant, especially Eggplant Parmesan.  Yesterday, I made it for dinner, using gluten free Italian breadcrumbs.  You can make your own bread crumbs or use one like Gillian's Italian Breadcrumbs.  Gillian's is a company that is out of my hometown; it's easy for me to purchase in regular supermarkets.

To make your own, toast gluten free bread, like Udi brand gluten free bread; toast the bread and then putting it into a food processor to chop into crumbs.  Add Italian seasonings like oregano, basil, thyme and garlic powder once the bread is crumbed and add Italian seasonings.

Gluten Free Eggplant Parmesan

1 - 2 large eggplant fruit
1 - 2 eggs (beaten)
Gluten Free Italian Breadcrumbs
Olive Oil

Slice the eggplant into long slices that are about 1/2 inch thickness.  Layer the eggplant on a large dish and salt  each layer with sea salt.  Cover the stack of salted eggplant with plastic wrap; this takes the bitterness out of the eggplant.  Leave it covered on the counter for a couple of hours or you can put it in the fridge and let it sit covered over night.

Heat the Olive Oil to medium high in a large skillet.  I use a cast iron pan because I like how it browns the eggplant slices and I don't have to worry about non-stick coatings flaking off into my food.

You'll notice the eggplant sweating a brown liquid, this is bitter.  Rinse each slice with cool water before dipping it into the beaten egg.

Lightly cover each eggplant slice on both sides with Italian bread crumbs.

Place a few slices in the hot oil and brown on each side; about 3 - 5 minutes.  Cook 2 or 3 at a time, making sure not to crowd the pan.  Place the cooked slices on a brown paper bag that is covered with a paper towel.  This will drain the excess oil from the eggplant.

Add extra oil as needed so that the breadcrumbs don't burn.

While the eggplant slices are draining on the paper, make the sauce.

Quick Meatless Sauce for Eggplant Parmesan

3 Celery stalks chopped small
6 cloves of garlic chopped
2 large cans of diced tomatoes (or 2 quarts of home canned tomatoes.)
2 Tablespoons of Olive Oil
1 Bay Leaf
2 teaspoons of thyme Oregano
2 teaspoons of dried thyme

Cheese to add to the final casserole 

2 cups of Mozzarella cheese

1/2 cup of Parmesan Cheese

Instructions for Making the Sauce

Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a pressure cooker (this cooks the sauce fast) or you could use a large sauce pan.

Heat the oil to medium heat.

Add the garlic and the celery.  Stir and cook until the celery appears as a brighter green.  Add the dried hebs ( you can use fresh - 1 tablespoon of fresh) and the bay leaf.  Stir and cook a minute.

Add the tomatoes.

Pressure cook on medium high heat until the pressure cooker hisses.  Let it hiss for 10 minutes and then turn off the gas.  Allow the pressure cooker to reduce pressure naturally (or if you are in a hurry, you can run the pan under cold water in the kitchen sink.)

Instructions for putting the dish together

Put a layer of sauce in the bottom of a glass baking dish.  Place eggplant slices over the sauce   Put a little sauce over the top of the eggplant layer.  Add a little of the grated mozzarella cheese over the sauce.  Repeat the layers until you have used all the eggplant.  Save a little sauce and cheese to top the dish - layer of sauce and finish it off with mozzarella and Parmesan.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for 20 - 30 minutes until the cheese is a light golden brown.

Cool for about 15 minutes

Folding Laundry

My mom's day program nurses and aides are brilliant.  Yesterday I got a note sent home in my mom's snack box.  The nurses told me how they got a bunch of small hand towels and gave them to my mom to fold.  She happily folded the laundry... she loves laundry.

Once she finished folding the towels, the aid would thank her and take the basket away.  The aid would then unfold all the towels and bring her a "new" basket of towels to fold.

My mom was given an opportunity to feel like she's making a difference; she feels that she has a job.  The laundry job sure did make her happy and helps keep her from wandering out of boredom.  She comes home happy after a day of "work."

Often, real life seems like an endless basket of laundry; it can be pointless but when we believe it's for a good reason, we do the task repeatedly without asking the question... why?  Living life, doing the same thing over and over again is akin to my mom's endless basket of laundry.  We all do tasks, we go to work, we run on treadmills... we fold laundry; over and over again.  Why?

Observation: Simple Carbohydrates, Sugar and Urinary Tract Infections

My mom seems to have a chronic issue with Urinary Tract Infections.  Just as soon as she would finish a round of antibiotics to take care of one infection, another would come back within days.

The tell tale sign of an infection, the smell, an indelible odor that will never leave my olfactory sensors.  Like clock work, within 2 days of finishing her antibiotic, infection would return.

Diapers surely contribute to the infection woes of every Care Giver.  UTI's have a silent approach, ambushing good days from our lives as quickly as a hawk can strike its unsuspecting victim.

Personally, I've noticed that my mom's UTI's come with more agitation and confusion.  Infections surely usher in vivid hallucinations and difficult behaviors; redirecting is nearly impossible.  My mom forgets how to use the toilet when she has a UTI, pooing or peeing on the floor, in closets or in buckets; a special surprise to clean.

My mom doesn't care to eat nutritious foods when she's got a UTI.  Her dementia is amplified and all logic is flushed down the proverbial toilet.  She craves simple carbohydrates like cookies, bread and other snack foods.  She turns her nose up at protein rich foods; beans and lean meat.

It's much more challenging when my mom has a UTI; she tends to hate me because I say "NO."  She doesn't know who I am or that I'm here to help her.  I become the enemy.  It's frustrating; I need to remind myself that this too will pass.

My mom's craving for simple carbohydrates and her increased consumption of this food helped me to realize that this could be the root of my mom's chronic infections.  I did a little research and discovered that with Chinese Medicine (which I am a big believer), carbohydrates and sugar create the perfect breeding ground for a UTI.  No wonder my mom's been having issues and driving me completely out of my mind.

Our Naturopath Doctor did recommend that my mom take Mannose every morning; this natural remedy wraps itself around the bacteria and flushes it out of ones system before it creates a problem.  My mom eats Greek style yogurt every day for the probiotics and I've cut down on the amount of cookies and snacks that she has every day.

My mom loves eating cookies with her tea.  Seeing her happy, especially after a round of "I hate you!",  gave me approval from my mom, even if it was false.  I kept giving her treats; it was a high for me to get a smile of approval from my mom. Only now do I realize that I was creating the issue by feeding my mom the type of food that harbors infections.

Based on Chinese Medicine, protein is a good preventer of UTI's because it make an acid environment; a hostile environment for an infection to take hold and raise havoc.

Since I've cut back on my mom's simple carbohydrates, added the Mannose and stick to lean meat with lots of vegetables; life has been calm.  Pee and poo are landing in the toilet, my mom is having more enjoyable days at the Adult Day Program and when she gets home she is chatty and able to tell me all about the fun she had while at "school."

Food that we feed ourselves and the seniors in our care, really does matter.

Today Is A GREAT Day!

Sunrise over Haleakala Crater
Maui, Hawaii

It's President's Day today, my mom's Day Program is closed for the holiday; she'll be home with me all day.  It's also snowing again, all though the storm is just nipping us with a dusting to an inch of fresh snow.  Just enough to make all the dirty snow banks look clean.

My new mission is to figure out how to keep the Care Giving blues away.  My focus is now on myself.  Exercise is important to me; I enjoy the euphoric feeling that comes over me after a good work out.  Meditation, calming my thoughts, breathing exercises and more dark green vegetables are all keys to my personal happiness.  I know the things that I need to do to make myself happy and keep a positive attitude.  I finally have the time to do all these things for my spirit.

Today is the day that I start focusing my attention on me, I've neglected myself for far too long.  No wonder I have been so miserable and angry.  Only I can change my life; it's up to me.  It's time to stop the excuses because we all know that excuses are like ass holes, every one has one!

Upon awaking this morning, I remembered a trick that I used every day before I became a Care Giver.  I greeted my day with enthusiasm, I jumped out of bed and exclaimed with excitement, "TODAY IS A GREAT DAY!"  The tone was set and my days were full and satisfying.  I long for those happy days, the days where I can see the joy in all things.

I've learned through experience that when I declare how my day will be, it typically is a very good day.  Troubles are not as troublesome on the days that I remember to declare how I expect my day to unfold.  It's my choice to expect a good day or a bad day.  I'm choosing a good day... why not?  I love the results.

I see myself happy and laughing today.  The day has magic, like every day.  I'm ready to see the beauty around me and to show gratitude for all the blessings in my life.  I am fortunate.

How will you greet your day?  It's up to you to decide and only you can make the change.  Try it... expect the best and the best will come.

Care Giving: One of Life's Greatest Blessings

A Blessing that I recognized,
Marty and Jay giving Ma a surprise visit.

I've changed my mind with how I chose to view my job as my mom's Care Giver.   Fighting the daily changes was futile, making my life a living Hell on Earth.  I was not recognizing one of life's greatest blessings; caring for a parent.

Witnessing first hand the anxieties associated with Care Giving, I found myself wondering how my life went from 100 mph to zero in a split second.  We didn't have a family meeting where all siblings got together.  We didn't pull straws or discuss who will be the lucky winner to care for our aging parent.  It just seemed to happen and land on the shoulders of one individual.  Common, but still one of the most painful aspects of Care Giving; coming to terms with the feeling of abandonment.

It does seem unfair, but it's the reality of becoming a Care Giver.  Care Givers often hold a feeling that they have been left holding the hot potato, the last one to remain standing.  Our lives become lonely and full of sadness; we miss the blessings.

Over the last 3 years, there have been days where I felt like one of the Three Stooges, standing in a line where a volunteer is needed and all but one individual in line steps backward one step; left alone to fight the war on insanity.  Seeing life's greatest blessing was covered in a veil of despair.  I was blind.

I did get angry.  My anger didn't help anyone, not me and not my mom.  It drove my family to be "lookie lou's," watching from a distance, rarely coming to my aid.   This was my reality, one that I feel compelled to share with anyone who stumbles upon my words in my blog.

Fortunately, after endless hours of introspection, I came to the understanding that family members can make a choice to stay informed or ignore me.  Either choice is OK; I know that the nightmare that I have lived is not for everyone.  Someday's I've even wondered if it was for me!

I did allow my sadness to take control of my life.  In the process, I missed the blessings and the opportunities to find the joy in each day; there is joy to be found in everyday.   Some days, I have to look harder than others, but when I open my heart, I find it.

Changing my attitude, I became more compassionate and understanding of my mom's odd behaviors.  My mom continues to decline, each day bringing new challenges and opportunities for me to create a solution and find the blessings.  I've learned that there's always a solution, there's always a blessing from the Universe.

Care Giving for someone with dementia is clearly an exercise in patience, perseverance and compassion.  I have learned that caring for my demented mother can be as hard or as easy as I choose.  It all begins with me and how I choose to react to each new development in my mom's decline.

I am OK with the fact that I'm on my own with the burden of caring for my mom.  I believe that I am fortunate; I am blessed.  Caring for my mom has made me stronger and one day when she does pass on, I'll have no regrets.

Care Giving is one of life's greatest blessings, especially when we can find the beauty in even the most chaotic of days.

Recipe To Manifest Magic In Ones Life

A Happier Time in Hawaii

Thoughts are real... I have learned this over the years and have even used thoughts to help create magic in my life.

Manifesting situations and things is easy; it starts with a thought.  Positive thoughts provide the best results, negative thinking will create more of the same.  We are the boss of our thoughts, no one can take away your thoughts, you create your life with how you think.  Mixing in a bit of enthusiasm and strong emotion with your thought, gets the attention of the Universe and before you know it, the very thing that you had hoped for, is presented.

I know this sounds crazy, but seriously, it works.

Just a week ago I was a Debbie Downer, not very positive and only focusing on the negative crap in my life.  The poop and pee, a defiant mom and a MIL that enjoys wallowing in self pity all the things I didn't want were front and center in my life.  I created the very things that I didn't want by feeding the negativity with strong emotions.

I was stuck.  I knew that I could change my world with a simple thought but I couldn't feel the magic within me.  I was so burned out and worn out that I couldn't hold the thought of a brighter tomorrow.  It was as though I was trapped in my own mind, unable to lift myself up and out.

I got sick, really sick.  I was forced to stop and rest, there was no other choice for me because my body just wouldn't move.  Fever, chills and delirium filled my days.  I cried.

I had an epiphany during my illness.  I remembered all that I had learned about creating the life of my dreams, things that helped me feel good about life.  Lessons that helped me manifest everything into my life, a loving husband, a great job and a family that I love.  My personal power was high during the days when I focused on the positive.  I was riding high, catching one wave after another.  I was happy and able to confront any challenge with ease; then, I became a Care Giver for my mom with Lewy Bodies Dementia.

My mom's insanity is contagious.  Constantly talking about dead people began to put out my fire for life.  I wondered what is the point of living.  We live, we get sick, no one cares and we die.  Life seemed pointless.  My thoughts turned darker as my inner light faded.  I cried enough tears to fill an ocean, tears that added to my impending demise.  I was alone, facing my own mortality and questioning who I AM.

The flu helped me to reset my thoughts.  I felt like I was going to die.  I knew that the thoughts that I had held about dying could have come true if I didn't pull myself out of this hole that I had dug for myself.  A hole that was created by sadness and self pity.

Turning my thoughts to positive outcomes, focusing on a happy ending with this phase of life has helped a lot.  It's like a big light was switched on inside my mind.  I am focusing on the positive, looking for the joy in all things, even the not so pleasant situations that crop up.  A result of my change of focus is more joyful emotions and thoughts.  Happy thoughts are flooding my mind, each happy thought feeding more happy thoughts.  I am out of the hole.

My future is bright.  I'm focusing on the outcomes that I want and not thinking about how I'm going to make it happen.  I trust that the Universe will bring me what I desire.  Opportunities are presenting themselves and will continue to land at my feet, the magic of life is beginning to fill my heart and soul.

I can if I think I can

My favorite mantra from years past, "Everyday in every way gets better and better!"  I find myself repeating this phrase over and over again in my mind.  I hear it.  I feel the words.  I believe them to be true.  The Universe is listening.  Hope is alive within me.

I see myself happy and laughing in my minds eye.  I am enjoying my life with my husband.  Golfing, swimming, travelling and working a job that brings personal satisfaction are all part of my future dream vision.  It's my focus.  My thoughts are happier.  Life is worth living and I CAN create a happy life for myself even when I have to wipe my mom's ass.

The recipe to manifest magic in ones life is pretty simple.

Ingredients:

• Positive thoughts
• Affirmations
• Lots of Enthusiasm
• Strong emotion
• Belief

Instructions:

Think about the outcome that you desire... hold positive thoughts and images in your mind of what it is that you want to have come into your life.  If it's more happiness, see yourself smiling and happy, doing things that bring you joy.  It will come to you in the most unusual ways.

Next, state an affirmation out loud so that your subconscious mind can hear the words.  Declare your desire with strong emotion.  Enthusiasm and emotions fuel the thoughts, setting wheels in motion to bring you the best possible outcome.

A little caveat,  desires and affirmations can not include another person, it needs to be all about you because we only can control ourselves.  Some of my generic affirmations that I've used with great success are:  "Everything is going my way!", "I can if I think I can," "Every day in every way gets better and better."  Keeping the affirmations simple and positive make it easy to penetrate your mind, shifting the energy, creating opportunities that will usher in the desired results.

The Universe hears all of our words like a Genie in the Magic Lamp waiting to grant our wish.  Putting words out into the ethers, words that are backed with strong emotion are full of energy.  Like attracts like, it's a simple law of physics.  Happy thoughts create a happy life, sad thoughts creates Hell on Earth.  I proved this to myself.  You can read my old posts to see how I was making my life suck because of how I chose to think.

It's possible to be happy even during the worst of times.  Change your mind, think about what it is that you want in life while avoiding thoughts of what you don't want.  Thoughts are real.  Good thoughts brings peace, negative thoughts bring sadness and more sadness.  We all have the power to create magic in our lives, it all begins with you.

What are you thinking about today?

UTI's and Cognition

My mom gets UTI's as frequently as our cats bring home dead rodents... a lot.  I've learned how to read the physical signs that she has an infection.  She will poop and pee on the floor.  She gets confused and forgets where the bathroom is or even how to sit on the toilet.  The smell associated with the infection is one that has been burned in my brain for eternity.

The antibiotics always make her more confused with more difficulty for her finding words to express herself.  It's a chain reaction that takes place, not finding words always leads to agitation because we don't know what it is that she wants.  Frustration makes her cranky making it super difficult to care for her.

Yesterday we saw our Naturopath Doctor, he recommended Mannose, a natural remedy used to prevent Urinary Tract Infections (UTI's.)  Mannose works through the adherence of bacteria in the urinary tract.  Even if E-Coli gets in my mom's Urinary Tract, the Mannose will wrap itself around the bacteria and flush it out before it causes any trouble.  Let's hope this works to keep my mom's UTI's at bay and occurring less frequently.

UTI's are tough on Care Givers.  Keeping our loved one clean in the "pecacular" and butt area is our first line of attack against the dreaded UTI.  Not keeping clean allows E-Coli to get into the "pecacular" (my mom's word for her lady parts in the southern region of her body.)  Poop in their diaper or when using the toilet, the individual doesn't wipe themselves well or in the right direction.

Showering every day is our goal, but she fights us.  Having help in the shower by anyone except me, always brings on a fight.  Mom will plant her feet in the ground and refuse to bend her legs to walk.  She even threatens her home care worker.    I wonder why my mom won't shower every day so that we can keep her problem area clean?   I wish I had a solution or a way for her to understand the logic; keep clean and avoid UTI pain.

UTI's are nasty;  when a demented person gets them, cognition declines and Care Givers are pushed to their limits.  It's during these times that I want to call 911 and have them cart my mom off to a psych ward for evaluation and then dumped in a home.  I know this isn't the right approach but sometimes it feels like the only answer to a chronic problem.

God help all Care Givers... we are faced with challenges that can make a grown person break down and cry.

You Expect Me To Eat This?

November 2009, my husband and I decided to bring some young blood into our home.  We chose 2 kittens; a brother and sister.  We named them Sammy and Shakti.  

Sammy looks like he has a suit on, he's a beautiful tuxedo.  He reminded me of Sammy Davis Jr. so we named him Sammy.  

Shakti, she was a lovable kitten, she comforted us when we were feeling blue.  Shakti decides when you need her.  She carries Mother Earth energy.  She watches over everyone in our house.

She's also very fussy with what she eats.  The food needs to be cut a certain way for her to even consider eating it.  If it's in little cubes or mushy, she will give me a dirty look and proceed to try and cover it up like she does her poo.

I video taped her covering her food.  I find it pretty funny.  She gets into it and becomes compulsive with the task.  I wonder what the Cat Whisper would say about this behavior?  Spoiled cat?