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| A Blessing that I recognized, Marty and Jay giving Ma a surprise visit. |
Witnessing first hand the anxieties associated with Care Giving, I found myself wondering how my life went from 100 mph to zero in a split second. We didn't have a family meeting where all siblings got together. We didn't pull straws or discuss who will be the lucky winner to care for our aging parent. It just seemed to happen and land on the shoulders of one individual. Common, but still one of the most painful aspects of Care Giving; coming to terms with the feeling of abandonment.
It does seem unfair, but it's the reality of becoming a Care Giver. Care Givers often hold a feeling that they have been left holding the hot potato, the last one to remain standing. Our lives become lonely and full of sadness; we miss the blessings.
Over the last 3 years, there have been days where I felt like one of the Three Stooges, standing in a line where a volunteer is needed and all but one individual in line steps backward one step; left alone to fight the war on insanity. Seeing life's greatest blessing was covered in a veil of despair. I was blind.
I did get angry. My anger didn't help anyone, not me and not my mom. It drove my family to be "lookie lou's," watching from a distance, rarely coming to my aid. This was my reality, one that I feel compelled to share with anyone who stumbles upon my words in my blog.
Fortunately, after endless hours of introspection, I came to the understanding that family members can make a choice to stay informed or ignore me. Either choice is OK; I know that the nightmare that I have lived is not for everyone. Someday's I've even wondered if it was for me!
I did allow my sadness to take control of my life. In the process, I missed the blessings and the opportunities to find the joy in each day; there is joy to be found in everyday. Some days, I have to look harder than others, but when I open my heart, I find it.
Changing my attitude, I became more compassionate and understanding of my mom's odd behaviors. My mom continues to decline, each day bringing new challenges and opportunities for me to create a solution and find the blessings. I've learned that there's always a solution, there's always a blessing from the Universe.
Care Giving for someone with dementia is clearly an exercise in patience, perseverance and compassion. I have learned that caring for my demented mother can be as hard or as easy as I choose. It all begins with me and how I choose to react to each new development in my mom's decline.
I am OK with the fact that I'm on my own with the burden of caring for my mom. I believe that I am fortunate; I am blessed. Caring for my mom has made me stronger and one day when she does pass on, I'll have no regrets.
Care Giving is one of life's greatest blessings, especially when we can find the beauty in even the most chaotic of days.
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Well said. You have expressed this beautifully. Sometimes I look at it like a game - a challenge to figure out how to deal with the next curve ball.
ReplyDeleteOooooo Someone gets a GOLD STAR!!!!
ReplyDelete{{{BIG HUGS}}}
That was beautiful :)
Kim and Kathy... thank you!
ReplyDeleteKim...Catching those curve balls takes practices!
Kathy ... I love GOLD STARS!!! Thank you, thank you.
I hope you are aware of the Blessings waiting on you in Heaven! You will have a huge Mansion! I will probably be mowing the lawn of your huge Mansion!LOL
ReplyDeleteOh Missy... Thanks but I will help you mow that lawn and invite you in for tea with a little somethin' somethin' in it!
ReplyDeleteSusan, I'm so glad that you have found the beauty in caregiving. It is a hard road to walk, especially if you feel abandoned, but there are blessings and beauty along this road.
ReplyDeleteIt's never easy and I admire your strength as you care for your mom.
Thank you Tamara. I'm doing all that I can to change my mind with how I think of Care Giving so that it's not so overwhelming.
ReplyDelete"I have learned that caring for my demented mother can be as hard or as easy as I choose. It all begins with me and how I choose to react to each new development in my mom's decline."
ReplyDeleteThis is wisdom. Thank you for this great post.
Thank you for your kind words Gordon. It's been an incredible journey that has changed me for the better.
ReplyDeleteThanks for saying this so well. I'm glad you found a way to adjust and find the good side to it too because it can be truly maddening. Seeing as I cared for my mother and now my father I'd like to say it gets better the second time around but it's just different. I've always said my parents never knew what kind of teenager they were getting and they never kicked me out so now it's my turn to handle the uncertainties. Everyone that walks this path I'd be glad to call a friend and have them by my side in good times or bad because we are the toughest of all.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being there for your mother.
Dot
Thank you for your comment Dot. It is always a pleasure hearing encouraging words from someone who's walked the path before me.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan, I am writing on behalf of my sister/caregiver to my mother with Lewy Bodies Dementia. She wanted to verify with you if the attached is what has worked for your mother?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2133303
Appreciate your advise.
Thanks
S
Yes, this one works. I also have used awhile Foods brand, I think it's Blue Bonnett. Vital Nutrients Brand works the best. I use 2tbsp pf GNC brand... Price value averages out... So I go with the better quality and need less.
ReplyDelete