|My Mom's Bathroom|
... at least she didn't pee in the bucket!
Last night, I couldn't wait to go to sleep. I had visited my cousin Maryann yesterday, we swam in her complexes indoor pool and soaked in the Jacuzzi. It was nice. Driving home, I felt like that Simpsons episode where Homer was sleepy while driving. Every car that he passed on the road began to look like a bed... that's how I felt on my drive home. I just wanted to sleep.
I didn't sleep, I kept control of my truck and made it home safely.
My mom arrived at 4:30 yesterday. I had dinner in the oven. I have noticed that when the house smells like a home cooked meal, my mom is less confused. Getting her to climb the stairs to her room is easier when she smells food on the stove. The smell of food being prepared sets the stage for a peaceful evening with my mom.
When I'm tired, I have less patience with my mom which triggers unwanted behaviors. I'm aware of how my mood affects my mom; yesterday, I put extra effort into keeping my emotions in control. It worked.
Mom was tired yesterday too. Bedtime was a welcomed event for her and me. I love my mom's bedtime.
1:30 am... "HELLO?!" Over and over again my mom called out in the dark of the night, waking me out of a sound sleep. Rushing up the stairs, I heard my MIL calling my mom's name, she had panic in her voice.
I reached my MIL's room to see my mom climbing into her bed. My mom was sleep walking, she didn't hear a thing, she saw the bed and was getting into it.
I grabbed my mom around the waist and pulled her off the bed. I led her to her room. My mom had removed her diaper; a nightly routine for her. I went in to her bathroom to get a clean diaper to put on her before I tucked her in bed. The diapers are kept in her bathroom.
I was groggy. Walking into her bathroom, I noticed her dirty diaper on the floor. I picked it up. It was heavy... she peed. I took one more step only to step in a huge puddle of urine... in my bare feet! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! I totally hate it when I step in urine in the middle of the night. I was pissed (ha ha... ya, a play on words.) At least it wasn't poo... stepping in her poo is way worse. Yes, I have stepped in her shit in the wee hours of the morning.
My mom, her night gown was wet, she didn't pull it up once she reached the toilet. God help me.
Getting a diaper back on her was nearly impossible. She stood with her legs locked and stiff; she wasn't here. She was sleeping as she stood.
"Ma, lift up your foot!" I repeated over and over again. Tapping the back of her calf, something that always seemed to get her to lift her foot in the past. It didn't work. I couldn't lift her foot, I couldn't move her. Finally, I was able to put her diaper on, a clean night gown and tuck her into bed.
1:45am, I was cleaning my mom's huge pee puddle off the bathroom floor. I didn't cry.
It's time for my mom to go to a home. I pray that a bed opens up soon. I need my rest. My mom needs help 24 hours a day. I worry that she's going to fall; slipping on her own urine that she sprinkles all over the floor or loss of balance when she walks.
I pray that she can hold out at her current Day Program. The rule is, once she begins to wander, she will need to go to a different place that is locked down. This week, the nurse told me that they keep the door shut in the room where the old folks sit; mom is starting to wander. SHIT!
A change in her daily routine and the people she sees will create a huge setback for us. Change is hard for my mom. Routines make her calm. She likes to know what's going on, even in her demented state of mind.
Please Universe... hear my pleas... please open a bed in one of the homes where my mom is on the wait list. I can't care for her any longer. I've done all that I can, even with help coming into our home. Mom needs round the clock help, something that is increasingly more difficult for me to provide with each passing day.