Are You Kidding Me?

I've had the flu blues for about a week now.  Care Giving when well is difficult; doing it when you have the flu is like a nightmare that you can't wake up.

My mom's been great while I've been sick.  She hasn't shit or pissed on the floor all week!  I'm grateful that we cleared up her UTI before I got sick.  I couldn't imagine having to clean up my mom's feces off the floor while sick with the flu.

My MIL however has been a pain in my fanny since we moved in with my new husband and her almost 3 years ago.  She has not been very nice to me, not even wishing me a Happy Birthday when my birthday arrives.  The first year of our marriage she worked extra hard to put a wedge between my husband and me.  I sucked it up.  I became more unhappy as I fought depression while Care Giving for my demented mother.

In my new home, I have felt like a visitor where my MIL is concerned.  She has refused to honor my place in this house; it irks me.  We'd go long stretches where she'd mind her own business, but then something would happen and she would become a colossal meddler in my husband and my affairs.  She has a habit of sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong.

This week, the long stretch was broken, we had a window begin to leak because of the ice dams.  It wasn't a big issue.  The window is a bay window where the water was leaking outside and not compromising any wall board.  My MIL saw the leak and immediately asked me, "What are you going to do about it?"

At the moment, I had no idea because I wasn't able to assess the leak.  I didn't answer.  I began to walk away as she demanded, "Well, what are you going to do about it?"  I replied, "I don't know yet."  My goal was to lay down and rest while my mom was at the Day Program; I'd deal with the trouble later when my husband got home.

My answer wasn't good enough.  Immediately she ran and got towels and placed them all over the window sill, taking charge like this is her home (it isn't, we let her live here rent free.)  There wasn't any puddling that I could see but I figured I'd just let a sleeping dog lay and let her do some busy work.  

I was too sick to have an argument with her.  My MIL rarely accepts anything that I say as truth. I'm always wrong in her eyes; an attitude which sure does make my blood boil, especially when I am ill.  

All day she was vigilant with the leak.  Removing wet towels and replacing them with dry ones every half hour.  My bed is directly under the floor where my MIL was changing the towels; squeaking floor boards added to my angst.

My husband came home and he innocently gave her the job to watch the leak, a leak that really didn't need anyone to watch it.  She convinced him that there was a huge puddle that formed and it would drain down onto the wood floor.  I was too sick with a fever and chills to deal with it so I just let her do what she wanted to do.

Night-time came and she was still changing out towels.  The wood ledge now had water stains from the towels, not from a puddle caused by the leak.  Still too sick with fever and chills to attempt to explain how she was doing more harm than good, I went to bed.

All night, every half hour, she changed those towels.  I still had a fever and chills.  Just as I fell asleep, she would walk across the floor with big heavy shoes that clomped loudly in the silence of the night.  The squeaking floor boards just added to the annoying affect.  I was too sick to get up and tell her to stop.

Finally, at 5am I couldn't take it anymore.  I got up and walked to the top of the stairs and screamed at her, "Are you fucking kidding me?  You don't need to do that now!  I'm sick and we all need our rest.  I DON'T WANT YOU LIVING WITH ME!"

She yelled back at me, "I've been doing this every half hour.  I need to do something about the leak!"

At this point my husband was up so I walked away before I said something that I didn't really want to say out loud.  I was annoyed and had very little rest that night because of her constant walking back and forth.  She woke my mom a few times too, which just added to my joy of the sleepless night.

I was pissed.  

My MIL was pissed.

My poor husband was left feeling helpless, torn between me and his mom.  Of course he honors my place in our home; he told his mom to leave the leak alone.

She stopped watching the window leak and retreated back to her room.

Her bathroom window had some water leak happening, she shifted her attention to this window.  All day long she checked that window.  She had left the window open (storm window closed) I worried about heat loss.  I made a comment about the window being open.  Immediately she said, "No, it isn't."  My reply, "Of course, what the hell do I know?  I'm no one in this house, just the servant."   

We did have words, mostly me having words.  I blew up.  I started a rant.  "I feel like a fucking visitor in this house, it's not my house... I am a servant.  I can't live like this, I'm going to have to move.... I am sick and tired of parking in the driveway  when I should be in the garage.  I leave in the morning, it's freezing cold outside .... you never go anywhere and you have a garage bay to park your car!  .... "  That's when I stopped myself, I was mad and didn't want to say things that I didn't want to say out loud.  

She stood and looked at me like a deer looking in the headlights as she said, "This is your house, I'll leave things to you, it's your problem." she said to me.  "If your truck fits in the garage I'll park in the driveway."  She continued.  I thanked her and asked her to get away from me before I said things that I didn't want to say.  

My husband was preparing a talk to have with his mom about parking in the driveway.  I took care of it during my rant.  I called him after I lost it with her.  He was relieved because it was going to sound weird coming from him.  She did need to hear it from me, not my husband.  

I have to take my power back from her.  She is not the queen of this hive.... I AM.  I can not live with her, especially when my mom goes to a home.  I'm done serving her 2 - 3 meals a day.  I'll cook one meal and if she doesn't like it she can figure something out for herself.   I had been making her a special dinner when she didn't like what I had made for dinner.  All of this extra caring for someone who was capable of doing for themselves was adding to my stress, especially when all that I do for her was going unappreciated.  I felt like her servant and this was not working for me.  I didn't marry her.

So...

Today I am feeling better.  I was able to get to the root of all the leak problems that had cropped up.  My MIL will park in the driveway and I will take my place in the garage.  My MIL understands that she has no power in this home.  I prepare food and she serves herself.  My stress levels have dropped and peace has been restored.