Wait a Minute

We had a bit of a rough day yesterday, mostly because I was exhausted and when I'm tired, I think I suck at Care Giving; blind to reasoning that is no better than my mom who is demented.

Every time I go through a rough patch with my mom, as I'm living through it, I often get the feeling that things will stay this way forever.  It's not logical to think this way because I know in my logical mind that everything changes, nothing stays the same, just like the seasons change, so do events that occur in our lives.

So why do I fall into the pitty pit?

I'm not really sure, I suspect it's because I'm human and not a spirit or saint.  I do know that when I'm tired, when I have not had enough rest, I free fall into the pitty pit... sometimes head first.  Yesterday, was a day like this for me.  I was expecting to pay for my emotions with another night of unrest. 

My mom got mad at me yesterday.  She wanted to go out but I was working and couldn't take her out.  Putting her hat and coat on, she told me that she was going out.  I asked her where she was going and she told me that she needed to go to a store. 

Instead of stopping her like I usually do I said, "Ok.  Good luck with that.  Do you know our address so that when the cops pick you up because you are lost you can tell them where you live?"  I walked back to my office.

Later in the afternoon I was bringing a bag of trash out and I noticed  her footsteps on the front walk.  It made me laugh out loud.  She went out, took about 10 steps and turned back and went inside.  I gave my mom her freedom to leave and she decided not to go.

Could it be that I gave her the permission to leave that allowed her to sleep through the night last night?  One of her issues from last week came about because my mom felt like a prisoner.  I wouldn't let her go out roaming, I was afraid she'd get lost.  Yesterday, I said screw it... she didn't leave, the afternoon was much better and she had a good sleep.

I was up at 6am this morning and the house was silent.  This morning I was able to wake up and jump out of bed saying my favorite phrase... "Today is a GREAT Day!"  I love starting my day with a positive mantra; today we will have a very good day because it's what I decree.

I didn't make the subliminal recording for my mom yesterday.  My voice was too tense and I didn't want the tension to come through in the recording for fear that it would have a negative affect.  I waited, like my dad taught me. Today I will make the recording.  If I can have my mom record the phrases in her own voice, that will be ideal.  If not, we have a similar sounding voice and mine could work.

My new mantra on days that appear bad... "Wait a minute Susie... things will change."