The Lewy Roller Coaster

Our day yesterday had lots of shifts and changes, unexpected surprises too, both good and bad.

My mom saw the Neurologist yesterday and she was retested.  She's declined significantly.  In November 2009 my mom scored 14 out of 30.  Yesterday she scored 7 out of 30 answers correct.  She felt stupid.  She told me that she knew the answers but she just couldn't find the right word.  She hates the test.

"I don't want to do that test anymore!" My mom exclaimed as soon as she got in the car.

My day went down hill fast.  She was mad.  In the doctor's office she even looked at me and mouthed, "Wait till you get home."  The doctor saw and that's when he suggested Exelon patch.  My mom shook her head no, she didn't want it.

I ran out of Phosphyltidal Choline.   The doctor told me that Exelon works similarly to it, I'll get my mom back on the choline and see if it tones down her behaviors.

My mom was agitated yesterday, no... she was mad.  She blames me for her trouble.  She told the doctor that I keep her captive.  She did not like the doctor's idea of going to Day Care, she was shaking her head no as she said, 'I won't go!"

The doctor and I ignored her and he continued to give me options for respite.  I told him that I've only had 4 hours off in the last 4 months.  I also told him that we want to keep my mom home but that I need help.  He is getting us hooked up with help through the hospital.  Yay!  A Social Worker who can help us to navigate the system, get my mom the care that she needs and the regularly schedule respite breaks that I need.

Mom was so mad that she didn't want to go in the pool.  None of her bathing suits were good enough.  None of mine were good enough either.  Bitch, bitch, bitch.  I got pissed and lost my patience.  I raised my voice, I just couldn't handle her negative tone, the NO's blew any resemblance of calm that I was mustering up.

I figured I'd go in the pool and to not let my mom's insanity affect me.  I saw my mom in the back yard, so I figured she'd be fine for a few minutes while I put on my suit.  I was wrong.  My mom took off.  She opened the back gate and walked away in heavy jeans and a sweater.

My husband took the day off yesterday so that I could call respite services and arrange to get some help.  We both got in the car and went out looking for my mom.  Our street is long and winding so we headed up the street, guessing that my mom began her journey turning left out of the yard.  She seems to always turn left.

We drove slowly up the street, looking in yards for my mom.  I began getting nervous.  I prayed a Hail Mary prayer, asking her to find her for us.  Just as I turned a corner, there was my mom, standing under the shade of a tree.  We pulled up and my husband got out of the car and asked her how she was doing.

"Oh, I'm so glad you got my call."  My mom said to me when she saw me.  She got in the car.

"I'm not going to your house.  I want to go home.  No wonder Brian is so quiet back there, I'd be quiet too.  I don't want you to come in my house."  My mom rambled on and on.

I didn't know what to do.  I turned and looked at my husband in the backseat and he didn't know what to do either.  Then he started to talk to my mom, he knows that my mom loves men and does whatever they say.  He was getting through to her, she started talking about her shoes.  She believes her shoes were stolen, even though we put them in her closet on the special shelves designed to hold shoes before we went to the doctor.

I dropped them off in the driveway.  My mom thanked me for the ride and went inside with my husband as I drove away.  I thought I'd try the old switching my shirt routine to get her to like me again.  My husband had her calmed down in her room and set her up with some sitcoms.  We left her alone to rest.

We went in the pool, my husband and me.  It was awesome.  No Ma asking questions and interrupting conversations that I'm having with my husband.  We got to have a conversation like a normal couple.  It was awesome.  It reminded me of our days at my old house where we would float in the pool and talk about different subjects.

It was a beautiful pool day and I knew that I needed to get my mom in the pool.  I went up to her room and apologized.  I know that even if I didn't do anything, if I apologize she'll come around.

"I'm sorry Ma.  I was wrong for getting upset with you.  Will you forgive me?"  I said very humbly as I continued to coax her to come to the pool.  "Why don't you come in the pool.  Here's a nice suit that you can wear.  I'll leave it here and you can make your own decision.  The pool water is perfect and I don't want you to miss it."

Care Givers we need to get used to eating crow, something that is really tough to do as burned out as I am.  Part of me wants to tell my mom to do all of us a favor and die.  She is a major drag.  I have no life because I chose to be her Care Giver.  I'm not sure I'd do it over again, not unless I had family commitment to help either through physically or financially help.

I went back to the pool.  A few minutes later my mom came out the door holding her sized 24W swim suit.  She was fully dressed in her jeans and sweater.  I said to her. "Ma maybe you should put your suit on in the house?"

"No, I'll put it on in the pool."  She replied as though there was nothing wrong with her skewed logic.

"Your cloths will get wet."  I answered back.

"No they won't."  She said back.

Then my husband said, "Why don't you use the garage to change into your suit."

"That's a good idea!" My mom said to him as she walked into the garage.

I got out of the pool and helped her.  She was worried that "the people" were watching her.  I joked with her and told her to give them all a thrill.  We put on her big bathing suit which looked like a sun dress on her, hanging down to her knees.

Mom was finally in the pool.  I swam around a little with her and then I got out so that I could make the call for respite.

I called the Visiting Angels.  I had a nice conversation with the woman who runs the organization.  Long story short, she's coming on Thursday with a potential "buddy" for my mom.  Someone who will come and swim in the pool with her or take her shopping.  My mom wants a man buddy, but it's a woman dominated field with few men taking on the role as a Respite Care Giver.  I'm looking forward to Thursday and hope that my mom likes the Visiting Angel.

While I was on the phone with the respite woman, Marty showed up unexpectedly.  He was driving down 93, on his way home from work and he decided to pass his exit so that he could visit Ma.  My mom was psyched to see Marty, it's been six months since he's seen us.  Marty always makes my mom happy, he has a way of making her laugh out loud.

I asked Marty if I could take my mom to his house for a few hours to go in the pool with him.  I asked him if he'd help me by taking Ma for a short visit.  I told him that I'd even bring lunch for everyone, food that I know won't twang my mom's brain.  I didn't get an answer, I got a nervous laugh.

I told Marty how Ann is back in my life and helping.  I told him about the Visiting Angels and how Ann is paying for a few hours of respite for me, respite that I need or I fear I'll end up dead before my mother.   I also told Marty about the book we all need to read, "The 36 Hour Day", a book that will explain what is going on with our mom.  We all need to understand the illness because we could all end up in the same boat as our mom, living in fear, paranoid and delirious.

It was awesome having Marty come to visit.  I wish he would visit more often, his visits brighten my mom's day more than anyone on this planet.  Look at the smile on Ma's face!

Yesterday we were all over the emotional map with my mom.  We were on the Lewy Roller Coaster most of the day yesterday.

The day ended well.  She went to bed happy because Marty came to see her.  I took pictures, pictures that we can all look at one day and remember the fond memories we had with Ma before she gets her other wing.

Yesterday she told Marty, "I am an angel you know, I have one wing and will get my other one when I die."

Life Happens and Nothing Lasts Forever

The weekend is over and life will resume some normalcy where my mom is concerned.  It's sad to see her confusion and how she mixes reality and dreams, not knowing where the line between the two exists.  

She asks lots of questions, repeating some until her mind gets the answer that it wants to hear.  

"Hey, look at the elephant over there, can you see it?" Is a question my mom asks often.  In my mom's mind we've had giraffe's, horses, elephants and tigers in the backyard.  The accepted answer, "Nope, can't see it but you can because of your magic eye."

Today we see her Neurologist.  She'll have the test that's given to Alzheimer's patients again.  We'll learn how much she's declined over the last six months.  It will be interesting to see how she does on the test, especially since she's been taking coconut oil supplements and I've been cooking with cold pressed virgin coconut oil.

My mom's hallucinations have changed in the last six months.  She sees dead family members all the time.  She has conversations with priests and nuns that visit her on the patio.  My mom insists that her friends are hungry.  She is beginning to leave her food for her "friends."  Food that doesn't get eaten of course.

My mom's speech is way better than her initial test.  She can find her words more readily, thanks to Dr. Barton's help with prescribing supplements that help with brain cognition.

This afternoon I'll call the Visiting Angels, my husband is taking the day off to keep an eye on my mom so that I can make phone calls which will initiate needed respite.  My mother-in-law offered to sit with my mom for a couple of hours on days when I need to get away for a short time to do something for myself like get a dollar a minute massage at the mall.  My MIL thought that I didn't trust her to stay with my mom, but that wasn't the reason I haven't asked her for help... I didn't want to impose.  

My MIL misses Jay a lot.  She told me that Jay makes her feel calm and she wants her to come back.  I do too.  So does my husband.  Jay helped me just by being here.  

I called Jay yesterday at my cousins.  I asked her if she would come back.  She's coming back next weekend.  I feel so much better knowing Jay is returning.  I've been working on my mom.  I told her that Jay is Rachel's buddy and that my sister is going to get her a buddy.   This made my mom happy.  My mom is thrilled that my sister is helping me, when I told her the news, my mom gave me a big smile followed by a very big hug.

Life happens and noting lasts forever, not even my mom's insanity.

Oh, My Pecacular!

Jay is at my cousin Linda's and I miss her.  I walk by her bedroom expecting to see her and the room is empty.  I miss hearing Jay's voice and her cute little laugh, a laugh that comes out like a bullet as a big HA!  

I miss my Jay.  She made me feel better just being here, but I know that the environment with my insane mother wasn't good for her.  Driving her to my cousin's house was hard because I didn't want her to go.  It was super tough when she looked at me in the car and said, "I feel like I'm leaving home."  I couldn't have agreed with her more at that moment.  She kept telling me not to worry, that she'll be back.  

It was nice having Jay here to talk to me... no, it was awesome having her here to talk to me.  Jay is the mother energy that I have been craving.  It was so hard to leave her behind at my cousin Linda's, watching her in the rear view mirror, I busted out crying.  I cried most of my drive home.  In order to cheer myself up, I imagined how I will feel when I'm on my way to get Jay to bring her home again.

Fortunately, I had an hour drive home and was able to pull myself together before I got home.  I had time to myself which is a rare event these days.  My sister Ann is trying to help give me respite but I need respite to make the call for respite.  

I am burned out and need help to help myself.  I don't know how to express this to anyone because when I do it goes on deaf ears.  I get lots of advice, "Sue, you need help, call XYZ organization" is what well meaning family and friends suggest.  But, I need someone to come so that I can make the calls that I need to make in order to get the respite ball rolling.  I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE.  I don't know how else to say it.

It's not fair to just put my mom in a home without exhausting all avenues, like Day Care and Respite services.  I can handle Care Giving when I have regular breaks.  My life feels like I'm living a life in prison sentence, no end in sight, no time off for any reason at all.  Prisoners have more freedom.

I wonder if it's time for me to pull out my Rosary beads and start praying.  Maybe I'll lay on Jay's bed like she did when she was here and pray for help.  I wish someone would call out of the blue and give me a break.

No one understands what I'm going through except my husband, mother-in-law and now Jay.  It's not easy.  I wish my family helped me more.  I wish they would read the book that Ann read, "The 36-Hour Day" so that they can understand the mental illness that we are all living with. 

Thank you Ann for reading that book and sending it to me.  I really need my family, all of them, even Jay.  With out my family, it's really hard to cope with the insanity, especially when I'm so worn out from my 36 hour days.  

Yesterday, my niece came over with her boyfriend shortly after I arrived home.  It was really good to see her.  

My mom was thrilled to see her Granddaughter, especially because my niece is a fellow pool lover.  We were graced with a hot afternoon and pool water that was just warm enough so that it didn't cause us to go into cardiac arrest.  The pool was refreshing once we got over the initial shock of the water.  "Oh, my pecacular!" - that's my mom's word for private parts.

Today is another pool day so care giving for my mom will be on the easier side, well I hope that it will be easier.  One never knows with her because dementia and delirium always have a way of taking over.  It could have already started as a bad day, my mom is looking for her shoes.  Ten pairs of shoes lined up on her dresser and not one is a pair she wants to put on her feet.

Our Family Treasure

Jay is leaving today.   I hate to see her go but I know the stress of my mom's demented mind is too much for her.  She needs to relax and get better.  Stress is poison and will do her more harm than good.  

I will miss Jay, like my MIL she appreciates what I do for her.  Jay enjoys everything that I prepare for her to eat, especially my oven fried chicken.

I began to teach Jay during her stay with me, how to eat nutritious food and how to use food as medicine.  Breaking Jay of the "cheap food" concept is something that is tough for her to get her head around.  

Like most people she likes to cut corners on food, food that is contributing to her illness.  Cheap food is the root of poor nutrition in seniors.

I took Jay for a walk through Whole Foods a couple of days ago, just like I used to do with Uncle Al so that he could see all the healing colors of the produce section.  Whole Foods is a beautiful store with an explosion of color greeting every patron.  Jay enjoyed the produce section.  The walk through Whole Foods made her feel better.  I wish I could take her on more walks through Whole Foods.

I'll miss Jay praying the Rosary in my house.  I'll miss her asking me if I want to hold her rosary beads, a special set that a friend brought back for her from Fatima.  

I wish my mother was leaving and Jay was staying.  I still want Jay to live with us.  It would be good for her and my MIL, they have become good friends.

Jay will come back.  She promised to visit a couple of times a week, after all she does have a bedroom here now.  Jay is worried about food and how she will get to continue to eat nutritious food once she goes back home.  I assured her that I would continue helping her to eat the way she has been eating over the last couple of weeks.

Last night I told Jay that I'd love to teach her how to cook nutritious food so that she could help herself when she's back home.  Initially she wasn't too keen on this idea but last night, Jay liked the idea.

Having Jay here was good for me.  I got to have my Aunt tell me that I'm doing the right things and that she loves me.  She is a true gem.  

I was able to relive the feelings of my childhood when I would stay overnight at Jay's.  She was so much fun.  Jay had a special cup full of crayons, crayons that she wasn't afraid to use.  I wish I had all the pictures that we drew together when I was a kid.  Maybe I can get Jay to draw me her pretty lady with the big hat and a Santa face?  Jay was a good drawer.  

Jay's visit reminded me of all the lessons of family that I had learned from my dad.  Jay is an awesome aunt and has been for my entire life.  Jay is our family treasure.

Three Old Ladies

Who knew that 3 old ladies could create such a disturbance in ones life?


My mom, she's the crazy one with some form of Alzheimer's.  I believe it's Lewy Bodies Dementia.  She's been nuts for a little more than two years.  


Today she hates me.  She knows that it hurts me when she tells me that I'm not her family; mom manages to sling this at me when I'm down.  Today, she yelled, "You are not my family!  I want my family!"


My mom likes to make me cry.  She thinks there's 3 of me.  I'm waiting for evening to change my cloths so that she thinks I'm the nurse that she likes.  


My mom doesn't like Jay living here with us, so she's making life a living hell for me and everyone else in my house.


I have cried for days.  My heart is heavy.  My world feels like it's collapsing around me.  I just can't hold up all of these old ladies, not with out a break.  I haven't had a break in weeks.  I need a break more than I've ever needed one.  I don't know when one will come.  Sigh.


All of my spare time, little as it was, has been consumed by my aged Aunt Jay.  An Aunt that I love with all of my heart.  


Jay has been there for me my entire life; I owe her.  She's been there for everyone.  Now, when she needs me most, I can't help her.  


I am too stressed out.  It's too hard juggling everyone and everything, spreading myself thin in order to make everyone happy.  No one is happy, especially me... I'm miserable.  I KNOW that no one can make anyone happy, but for some retarded reason, I tried.  I failed miserably.  I lost my focus of making myself happy first.  


Somehow, living with someone who is insane seems to create more insanity.  It's a very weird energy, an energy that I'm beginning to believe can turn the most sane person into a babbling idiot.  


Will respite help me to deal with the crazy energy or am I destined to be a nut too?


The stress isn't good for Jay.  I asked her to leave two days ago but she told me she can't leave, she's worrying about me.  For some reason she thinks if she's here praying the Rosary, she can fix all of this trouble.   Unless of course the Blessed Virgin comes down herself and fixes things, I'll start to say the Rosary every day too.  


Jay sees that I need a break.  She wants to help me with my mom, but my mom considers her a "Butt-in-ski".   My mom's got a bad attitude when it comes to Jay helping.  Initially, Jay helped and her help was graciously accepted by my mom.  Then, Jay had to put in her two cents and sided with me on something, my mom immediately turned on her one time best friend.


... then there's my MIL.  She's got all her marbles.  She keeps to herself and rarely butts in.  I feel bad that she has to live in this crazy nightmare of mine.  I feel bad for my husband too for reasons too numerous to list.  If I did, it may send me into a depression!


Life with three old ladies is intense.  I think I could handle things better if I had more frequent breaks.  I'm in a rut.  I need respite in order to schedule more respite.  


Help!  Are there any volunteers that can step up and give me a day off so that I can do what I need to get regularly scheduled respite?  Please.  I really need help.  I'm dying over here.  Thanks in advance.

All's Well That Ends Well

It's been a whirlwind having my Aunt Jay living with us.  The change in my mom's environment created an upset, one that I sort of expected but not to the extent that it all happened.

Jay needed help.  Her nurse practitioner told her that she needed help, especially before her cataract surgery.  Jay called me for help, help to get food for her cats.  I asked a few questions and realized that she needed food for herself too.  She needed drops put in her eyes before surgery.  She couldn't see.  She was shaky.  Jay was frailer than I've ever seen her.  When I hugged her, I felt like I needed to be super gentle or she'd snap in two pieces.

In Jay I saw the nightmare that I've had my entire life, that I'd be alone as an old lady.  I never wanted children of my own, the whole idea seemed ludicrous to me.  I had nephews and a niece.  I always believed they'd help me when I was an old lady.

Helping my mom, I realize the idea that my nephews and my niece would take care of me when I was an old lady was an unrealistic expectation.

Care Giving, it's a hard job, a thankless job, a job that requires very thick skin... it's a job that's not for everyone, sometimes I even wonder if it's for me.  I've been doing a form of care giving my entire life, mostly with seniors.  However, as difficult as this unpaid job is, Care Giving for a senior member of ones family is the most rewarding experience of one's life.

We have had upsets over the last couple of days.  I cried and sobbed a lot.  I'm overwhelmed because I'm so darn tired from the stress.  I really need a break bad.

Thanks to my sister Ann, she got the ball rolling for respite for me.  Unfortunately, the woman called at the worst possible time.  I had a melt down.  I was in the middle of a shit storm.  My mom was super demented.  She was angry with my aunt and even yelled at her, "You be quiet.  You are not my friend anymore!"  My mom was a lunatic.

I cried.  I sobbed.  I cried and cried.  I screamed a primal scream.  The pressure was intense.  I thought for a few minutes that I was going to have to go to a hospital.  Jay wouldn't leave me alone, she wanted to talk.  My head was aching.  So many problems with no solutions.  I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was getting way too heavy.

I sat alone for 5 minutes and thought about the homeopathic remedy that Dr. Barton had given my mom while we were in his office earlier in the day.  He had listened to her talk and talk about her 7 weddings and different birds hiding in the tree outside his office window.  Before we left, he gave her a few drops of Hyoscyamus Niger 12C, here's a url  at ABC Homeopathy that describes the use for this homeopathic remedy.

Dr. Barton suggested I wait until the following day to give her more, he wanted me to observe her and then write him a note.  Driving home, my mom was giggling and laughing.  She was in fine spirits.  She just loves Dr. Barton and talking to him.  He's her favorite doctor.

I began to lay out the afternoon plans for my mom so that she wouldn't be surprised.  She doesn't like surprises, they always seem to cause huge behavior problems.  I told her that we'd have lunch and then we'd go food shopping.  She didn't want to come along.  She wanted to sit in the yard because she believed that she was getting married to some good looking guy.  I told her that she could stay home with Jay.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" My mom screamed at me.

She was peeved with my aunt.  She felt like she was bossing her around.  She hasn't been, she's just been watching her for me.  A job that Jay takes serious.

After a couple of hours of insanity, I said to myself, "She needs another dose."  So, I got her blue shot glass and put a few drops in a little water and said to my mom in the middle of her outburst, "Here, drink this."

I walked away and left her in the room with Jay.

Moments had passed and I went back in the room with Jay and my mom.  Everything had changed.  It was better.  My mom was my old mom who was laughing and joking with Jay as they watched TV.  Jay turned to me with her mouth on the floor, wide eyed and said, "Susan, I can not believe the change.  It's amazing."

My mom gave Jay a hug.  Jay hugged my mom.  I hugged my mom.  Jay hugged me.  I hugged Jay.  This hugging fest went on for about 5 minutes with a few, "I love you's" thrown in for good measure.

Yesterday, Jay prayed the entire Rosary.  She felt so bad but didn't take my mother seriously.  I did.  I was so embarrassed and crushed that my mother was being so mean to my dear old Aunt Jay.  An aunt who was always here for us, ALWAYS.  I sobbed and cried for Jay.  Jay, she prayed.

Yesterday, when I took my mom out to the market for a few things, my MIL asked Jay if she wanted to go for a little walk.  Jay walked with my MIL, she had a nice time.  I love my MIL for helping my Jay.  Helping Jay helps me.  I love her for that gesture.

Last night, they both ate all of their dinner.  Oven fried chicken thighs and steamed fresh vegetables.  Lots of vegetables.  They had ice cream for dessert and coffee while they watched Wheel of Fortune.  My mom was happy.  Jay was happy.

All's well that ends well.

The Pee Bottles

My mom's behavior has been more bizarre than usual so I called her doctor and had a UTI test ordered.

Last time we were at the clinic the nurse gave me two extra bottles and a bio-hazard bag so that my mom could pee in the cup at home.  I thought it would be easier and if she missed, she was home and I could clean up the mess easier.

I put the cups next to the toilet in my mom's bathroom and told her to use the cup after she drank a big glass of water.

Two minutes went by and my mom was in the bathroom.  I came back to her room with a cup of tea for her to drink too.

"There it is!"  My mom exclaimed as she pointed to her little bit of pee in the cup that she put in the bio-hazard bag.

"It's not enough Ma.  Can you drink the water and this tea so that you can give a better sample?"  I asked as I handed her the cup of tea.

I left the room to check on Jay.

I was in the kitchen talking to Jay when my mom came in to the room with the fresh pee cup.  She was holding it up and waving it at me.  She knew what she was trying to say about the cup but the words didn't come out the way she had wanted.

I repeated the instructions.  "Ma, drink the water and the tea and when you have to pee, pee in the cup, OK?"

My mom shook her head yes and went back to her room.

A few minutes later I checked on her and she pee'd in the 2nd fresh cup, not much pee, just a dribble.  Her idea was to keep peeing at different times until she had enough in the cup.  She didn't understand that we needed it in one shot or the sample would be contaminated.

I still don't think she understands the concept of sample contamination.

It was getting late and I didn't want to miss dropping off her sample so we rushed with the first sample, hoping that it would be enough.  By this time, my mom really had to pee so I asked her to hold it while we drove to the clinic about 2 miles from our house.

I hit every bump.  I heard my mom complain with every bump that the truck went over.  We made it.

The technician looked at the sample and said, "We might have enough in there."  She whisked the sample away and came back to say, "It's a little short but it might work."  My mom didn't need to pee in another fresh cup at the clinic... yay!

"Ok Ma, you can go use the toilet, you don't need to pee in the cup."  I said to my mom.

"Where's the cup?"  My mom replied.

"You don't need the cup, you pee'd enough at home in the first cup."  I added as an explanation.

My mom looked confused.

"OK Ma, let's use the toilet."  I walked her down the hall.

My mom was still looking for the pee cup.

Finally, I was able to convince her to pee in the toilet.  She thought it was a new way to gather pee, she thought it was nifty.

"Do you want to see?"  My mom yelled to me from behind the door.

"No, that's OK, just flush the toilet and come out."  I added.

"Don't you want to see it?"  My mom answered back through the door, a question I remember asking her so many times as a little girl.

"Nope.  Just flush."  I answered back.

SWISHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Departing the clinic with 2 fresh pee cups, I'm better prepared to handle the pee gathering for the next time we need to check my mom for a UTI.

There was lots of giggling in my house yesterday when I was trying to get my mom to pee in the cup.  Jay sat in the other room and let out a laugh.  Who needs TV?  Life here is funnier than any sitcom.  A newly married couple and 3 old ladies sure do create situations that make us laugh.

The Wedding of Angels

My mom is waiting for the wedding ceremony that is happening in our backyard.  She watches the people setting up for the wedding, preparing for the big celebration.  My mom sees my dad and gets angry because she thinks my dad is getting married.

I tell her that it's not a wedding but a celebration for good souls who are getting their angel wings.  Wings that will allow them to fly up and be with God.  My father is the one who runs the ceremonies.

She does not believe that it's an angel ceremony, she believes it's a wedding.

My mom expected to see my sister Donna this weekend.  I called her a few times but never got an answer on the phone, she must have gone away for the weekend.  Not seeing Donna contributed to her bad mood that just got worse as the weekend progressed.  Last night my mom was being a total bitch.

Jay is here because of her illness brought on by the mold in her house.  Everything was going along great until my mom thought Jay was "bossing her around."  I'm not sure what happened.

I do know that Jay attempted to sweep my kitchen floor and my mom got mad.  She grabbed the broom from her and began yelling at her, "NO! NO! NO!"  My mom put the dust pan in the broom closet and finished up the sweeping.  My mother NEVER sweeps the kitchen but she definitely didn't want Jay doing it either.  I think she said something to Jay to the effect that she "was telling Susie on her."

My mom is upset that Jay is here.  She's upset that I'm bringing her cats to the vet and then bringing them here too.  Jay can't go back to her apartment until the mold issue is resolved.  Her cats can't stay there either or they'll die.  Who knows if they're not dead already?  My mom doesn't understand.

This morning I was woken by my mom, dressed and walking on the squeaky floor above my bed.  It was 5 AM, too early to be woken.  I didn't wake up in a good mood.  I'm tired.

I don't know what to tell my mom about the wedding that she thinks we are having in the backyard.  She isn't believing the story about it being a ceremony for souls getting their angel wings.  She believes it's a wedding.  I need to convince her that it's a wedding to become an angel.

I've told her that we can only get married on Earth, not in Heaven... that's why we are born on Earth, to enjoy the Earthly pleasures.  I explain that what she is seeing are angels getting their wings, a sort of wedding of angels.

My mom wants to die.  She wants her big celebration party.  She wants to be with my dad.  She wants my dad to talk to her and tell her what's going on.  I tell her that it's against the Universal Laws for her and my dad to be able to speak like she talks to those of us who are still alive on Earth.  She doesn't understand.

I explained to her that I worked out a special deal with Dream Master to hook up email so that she could communicate with my dad.  I also reminded her that the only communication that she can believe is the email from dad because the impostors are always working on messing with her brain.  They want her to be angry because when she's angry my dad doesn't come to see her.

My mom was looking on the roof as she sat in the sunroom.  She glared with a look in her eye that indicated trouble was brewing.  No matter what Jay or I said to my mom, she got an attitude.

It rained all weekend; weather that kept my mom stuck inside.   My mom's hallucinations built over the weekend, getting more and more intense, making her angry.  She is angry.  She is mad because she thinks I'm keeping secrets about my father from her.

Well, I think it's time for my father to "write my mom a letter" and put her worries at ease.  Let's hope this works.

A Blessing Named Jay

The last week has been a little intense at times.  Jay was very sick and she was worried about her cataract surgery.  She drove me a little nuts.

All week I fed Jay nutritious foods, a little at a time, all day long.  Initially she could barely eat, a tell tale sign that she had been literally starving.

Jay is a stubborn old woman, she knows what she wants and doesn't like anyone telling her what to do.  Jay has always been independent and hated to ask anyone for help.  For years she wouldn't let us into her apartment we'd always meet her at the curb and she'd get into the car.  Jay would never stay over night at any relatives home, not even mine, the home where her best friend lived (and still does), my mom.

For Jay to call me and ask for help, she must have been worried and knew that she needed it.  She asked for cat food for her cats.  It was this call that gave me the opening to see how she was living.

Jay has mold issues, issues that I believe are making her very sick.  I believe a lot of her health problems developed because of the mold.  Her eye lids around her eyes were always pink, a symptom of mold; the pink is now gone.  Her body was becoming weak and her mind was slipping.  Jay was showing signs of neurological damage, another symptom of mold; Jay was hallucinating and couldn't remember anything.

Jay has 2 cats that are still in the apartment.  Tomorrow the cats have an appointment at our cats veterinarian to check their health.  The cats run and hide from people, a sign that the animal is sick.  I do hope we can help her cats get better, she loves her animals.  Jay and her animals will be here with me for a few weeks so that I can help them to restore their health while Jay's house is being repaired.

Jay's dementia symptoms are less and less every day.  She is getting stronger.  She's walking better and a little faster, but still walking very slow.  She's laughing and talking again.  Yesterday she had me dial the phone for her for a few hours.  She talked with everyone.  My sister Ann, my cousin Linda, her friend Lorraine and my cousin Jess.  She laughed a lot.

Jay's face is getting a rosy color again.  When she arrived 9 days ago her skin was gray and yellow.  She looked horrible.  I was afraid she was going to die.  My mom, she actually thought she died a couple of times last weekend, running to find my husband or me to check that she was breathing.  Jay was alive every time.

I'm grateful for Jay and all that she does to help me with my mom.  I am able to do things around the house with Jay here because she keeps my mom company.  Jay goes along with the explanations that I give my mom about all the "weddings" that she sees being performed in my backyard.  I tell my mom that she's not seeing a wedding but all the good souls getting their wings so that they can fly up to be with God.  Jay likes my explanations.

So many great things have been happening since Jay arrived.  The best was getting an email note from my sister, the sister that I've been missing a lot.  Long story short, my sister is back in my life.  Jay believes that she had something to do with my sister's change of heart.  I let her believe this because it made her feel so happy to give me something that I wanted very badly... my birth family to be in my life.

Today, I'm happy and my house has the vibe that I remember living in when my dad was alive.  I can't explain the energy.  It feels like Baci is alive too.  I feel all of my family who have passed, here in my house.

I'm grateful for Jay.  My mission is to get her healthy again, so that she can live in her apartment with her cats. She would be able to walk to her church and her favorite supermarket.  She promised to come to my house a couple of days a week to help me with my mom so that I can have some respite.

I'm teaching Jay how to cook for herself with herbs and fresh vegetables.  Yesterday she helped me make turkey meatballs; we had spaghetti and meatballs, her favorite.  Jay ate seconds!  I made the dish with gluten free spaghetti and no breadcrumbs in the meatballs.  Dinner was fabulous.  Jay told me that it's been her favorite meal so far.

My personal prayers were answered through a blessing named Jay.

Dangers of Mold on Senior Health

My Aunt Jay has been with us for a week today.  She is feeling sick, nausea, dizziness, fatigue and she can barely walk.  My mom jokes that Jay walks like Tim Conway from the days when he did a skit as an old man.  I don't think Jay likes being compared to an old man.

Jay's house has mold.  I think it's black mold but I'm not sure.  We're having the air tested so that we know what we are dealing with before we have the mold removed.  Mold is really dangerous, especially black mold.

Black mold can bring on dementia.  It can bring on heart disease.  Mold can get into ones body and keep you sick.  In my opinion, mold is the "mysterious" illness that brings on health issues which are difficult for doctors to diagnose.

Jay has 2 cats that are still living in the mold.  Jay misses her cats and wants to see them; I can't bring her back into her sick apartment.

The solution is to bring her cats to our vet for a check up.  We want to make sure that her cats don't have any illnesses that will pass on to our kittens.  We need to help her cats detox from the mold; more than likely they have it growing in their bodies.  Jay has had a few of her cats die.  I bet it was from the mold toxins.

I want Jay to stay with me until we can fix her apartment and remove the mold.  I will teach her how to prepare food for herself, real food.  I'll bring her to our doctors here at Lahey Clinic for a second opinion to her medical conditions.  She appears to be having side effects from Metoprol; she feels sick all the time with nausea and overall weakness.  It's hard to say if it's the drugs that she's on or side effects from the mold.

Jay was always healthy and could run around with the youngest of our family.  Today, she can barely walk, a side effect of Metoprol.  It's not a drug that one can just stop taking, the patient needs to be weened off of it or they could die.

My mom stopped taking her Toprol XL a few years ago and ended up in the ER.  She didn't want to take it anymore, she was tired of feeling so sick.  I couldn't force her to take her drugs because it was against her will.  She survived, they installed a pace maker and her life was renewed.  Unfortunately, it was around the time that she got her pace maker that she lost her mind to Lewy.

Jay has been helping me with my mom.  She sits with her so that I can do other things like run to the store to pick up a few items for dinner.  It's super. Jay helps me prepare dinner by cutting the tips off the string beans or peeling carrots.  She loves helping me.

My house is becoming an assisted living facility filled with senior family members.  Jay has someone around to talk to all day long, someone her age.  My mom has her best buddy living here with her.  Mom helps Jay, which gives my mom a sense of purpose.  My MIL helps Jay too, giving her a feeling of being needed.

We all need to feel needed.  Jay feels needed.  My mom feels needed.  MIL feels needed.  We're getting into a routine.  Jay is settling in and everyone is getting used to her being here with us.

My mission is to help Jay to feel better so that she can live in her apartment if she wants.  However, I doubt she's going to want to go back once her cats are here.  Living alone is lonely and in my house, she's never alone and always has someone her age around.

Jay has been an awesome Aunt to me while I was growing up and even into my adult years.  Jay was my role model, she contributed to the person that I've become and it feels really great to be able to help her now when she needs it the most.

I love my little Jay.  Who knew she'd be the answer to my respite?!  Thank God she called me for cat food a little more than a week ago, it gave me the opening that I was waiting for so that I could step in and help her like I helped my mother.

In my opinion, the dangers of mold on our health are often over looked.  I wonder how many seniors are living in mold?  I wonder how many illnesses could be reversed just by removing mold?

Stay tuned.  I will surely document what I observe as we help Jay restore her good health.

Surgery Day Gave Me a Headache

Jay had been a basket case regarding her surgery, especially after my mother in law explained to her how the procedure is performed.

MIL had both eyes operated on this past winter and had done her usual research before her surgery. MIL told Jay about a fine needle... that's all Jay heard. She waited to feel the pain of the needle during her procedure today and it never came.

This morning at 1:30am Jay woke up and went across the hall to MIL's room, "Rachel? I think I'm going to be late for my surgery, no one is up." Rachel told her to go back to sleep, she had 5 hours before it was time to wake up.

My MIL told me today that she understands a little more of what I have been going through; Jay woke her up in the middle of the night. My mom woke me every night for months and then I discovered Ashwagandha. It cures insomnia. My mom sleeps through the night every night.

We had to wait 5 hours for Jay, it was a long wait.  My mom was doing great waiting, listening to her music while I chatted with another woman waiting for her husband who was having day surgery.  I would have preferred to have read my book.

Jay was rolled out, I got the instructions and ran to get the car.  I left my mom with the nurse who wheeled Jay downstairs with my mom walking close beside Jay.

In the car, my mom told me that she didn't want to go to Jay's doctor follow up.  I told her that she could stay home because we'd be fast.  That's when she said, "I want to go in the pool."  I told her that no one can go in the pool when no one is home.  She got mad at me.  Great.  Just what I needed.  I sang "La La La La La, Life is wonderful... La la la la la, life is wonderful..."  I sang this out loud all the way home as Jay and my mom sat in silence.

We got home.  Jay can't see at all out of her eye that wasn't operated on and the eye that had the cataract removed was bandaged; Jay was blind.

Jay insisted on walking around the house, BLIND!   I have a couple of steps in my house where I worry about her falling.  I brought her lunch in bed.  She wanted to get up.  I told her no, it would be better for her to chill out and stay still in bed.  I explained to her about the step and how she could fall.  She wanted to get up anyway.

"OK Jay, you can get up but I'm telling you now, that if you fall and break a hip, you will be in a nursing home.  You have to listen to me.  You are making it very difficult for me to take care of you because you are so damn stubborn.  I wish you'd just lay down and sleep, you need to rest so that your eye can heal!"  I insisted.

Jay went to lay down, she took a nap.  I had just one old lady to keep track of... my mom.

I began writing this post yesterday and had to stop because things got intense.

Jay's Nurse Practitioner called me back, I had called to find out when to give her Coumadin again and how much. The nurse told me that Jay is forgetful. I told the nurse what I have observed, that Jay has signs of dementia.

She's paranoid and gets scared easily. Jay is a little girl these days, just like my mom. Taking care of two people with dementia, by myself, is hard. I am exhausted and hope I can get through one more day before I bring Jay to my cousin's so that she can pick up the eye drop duty, four weeks of drops.

Here's my assessment. Jay should not live alone. Period. I plan on calling her nurse practitioner today and ask her who can help us with Jay. How do we convince her that she can't stay in her apartment alone? She needs constant attention.

Yesterday, Jay was talking non-stop about her eye. Asking my mother in law about her procedure, comparing her experience with my MIL's... both were different. Jay started to believe that her doctor butchered her because she couldn't see. She made me take the patch off so that she could see, she couldn't. I tried to explain to her that it takes time to heal and that tomorrow (today) will be a better day.

Jay was still wound up. The phone rang. It was my sister Donna. I filled her in with what has been going on over the weekend, primarily that I took Jay home to my house. She wanted more details, but I didn't have the time to spend on the phone. I wanted her to talk to my mom so that I could tend to Jay.

"Susan! Susan! Susan! I NEED YOU! SUSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"  Jay hollered over and over again from her chair in the sun room.

I told my sister that I needed to find out what was going on in the kitchen, I handed my mom the phone.

In the kitchen I found Jay and my MIL. Both were standing in the kitchen asking me questions about the prescription that needed to be filled. My plan was to wait until my husband got home from work so that I could go to the pharmacy.

My MIL was now involved, "When are you getting Jay's prescription? She needs it..." I can't remember much more about what she was saying, at this point I was pissed.

My mom came out of her room holding the phone, holding it out for me to take... my sister wanted to talk to me more.  I just couldn't do talk to her with 3 old ladies all wound up.

"For the love of God, will you all just relax!" I screamed.

"Jay, you are behaving like a little brat. You have to chill out and wait your turn. I am doing the best that I can. Relax for Christ sake!" I blurted out thoughts that should have been kept to myself but these old ladies pushed me over the edge with the constant calling of my name for NO good reason.

"I didn't have a minute to explain myself to everyone, I am moving as fast as I can. Jay! You didn't want Haddock because you believe it has worms because your friend Lorraine told you that it has worms. I made a special dinner for you, chicken soup which took extra time. I am constantly being interrupted by all of you while I'm making dinner, time that I needed to get dinner on the table for everyone before midnight." I was frustrated and they all knew it. My MIL ran off to her room and my mom ran off to her room. Jay was left sitting alone with no vision, frustrated that she couldn't see as well as everyone promised her.

I asked Jay for her insurance card so that I could go to my local pharmacy to get the eye drops that Jay needed to use starting today.

"Oh no, I use CVS." She said to me.

"I know but I can go to Walgreens, it's closer. I need your insurance card." I asked calmly.

"Oh no, my insurance is only good for CVS." She insisted.

"Well, can you give me the card because I will need it to fill your prescription." I asked again.

She gave me the card and I ran out the door, leaving my husband with 3 crazy old ladies.

38 minutes.

I had 38 minutes to myself and it was awesome. I walked around Walgreens while I waited for the prescription to be filled. I talked to the pharmacist. I had peace, even if it was only for 38 minutes.

I got home and my husband met me at the door, "What took you so long?" He asked.

"I was gone 38 minutes. 10 minutes to the store, 10 minutes back and 18 minutes waiting for the prescription." I answered.

It seemed much longer that I was gone. I came home happier.

I wanted to drink some wine but I was still on duty. It was now 7:45pm. I still had not had dinner. I was tired and just wanted all the old ladies to go to bed.

Ring Ring!

The phone rang just as I was sitting down for a few minutes to have a glass of wine. It was my cousin. I told her how I yelled at Jay, about the Susan! Susan!... how I told her that she was behaving like a little brat... I made my cousin laugh so hard that she nearly peed her pants. We laughed about all the insanity.

My mom is always in bed by 8pm and she sleeps through the night. Jay on the other hand is a freaking night owl who always wants coffee before bed. Last night, she didn't get her bedtime coffee.

I had my cousin talk to Jay, I knew it would make Jay feel happy to know that someone is thinking of her. I had about 40 minutes break while Jay talked to Lin on the phone. My mom was in bed and my MIL was getting ready to tuck herself in.

Ten o'clock rolled around and all my wards were in bed. No time to spend with my husband, which really bummed me out. I stayed awake and drank a little wine, enjoying my time alone.

I fell asleep fast and was woken at 5am by Sammy Mammy. He wanted to go out.

I jumped out of bed when I heard the floor boards squeak. It was my mom. Fully dressed at 5:30AM wondering how she was going to "get out of here." She got dressed immediately when she woke up, something that I really can't stand. It stresses me out.

My mom is stressed out with Jay being here. My mom is demented and can't handle it when I give attention to anyone except her. She has gotten upset with me in the past for spending time with my husband instead of her. I believe my mom's insecurity is rearing it's ugly head because she felt that she needed to "get out of here." This morning, my mom didn't know where she was... Oh joy.

I will bring Jay to my cousin's tomorrow. I hope my sister takes my mom out over the weekend or at least comes over and spends time in the pool with her so that my husband and I can get away. I haven't had a break in 2 weeks and I need it badly.

It sucks to get old. Seniors that are stubborn suck and I'm not afraid to tell them NO. They push and test just like a kid... I also realized that Jay never took me seriously either. She never believed I'd be the one to help her.

Surgery Day gave me a headache.

Jay Needs Help

My little Aunt Jay, the woman who spent lots of time playing with me when I was a little girl, has dementia.

It was sad to see her in such a horrid state of mind, Jay always had a strong mind. She used to dress to kill with outfits that reminded me of really awesome Barbie Doll cloths. She had matching purses and shoes to go with every outfit. I loved how Jay dressed.

Jay took care of my Bacci (I am probably spelling it wrong, but it's how I spell Grammy in Polish), she was my Grandmother's Care Giver. I learned the lesson from Jay that we need to take care of our elders, especially our parents. I loved Bacci.

Jay was my role model when I was growing up. I wanted to be just like her. Jay loves Jesus, I love the Blessed Virgin Mary. Jay prays, I meditate. Jay goes to church, I sit in nature. It's really all the same spiritual vibe, Jay and I take different paths to reach the same point.

So, this weekend, I took care of my Aunt Jay. She laughed a lot and acted silly, just like when I was a little girl. I had flashbacks to the days when I'd sleep over Jay's house and we'd eat ice cream, stay up late and watch Bob Newhart and Mary Tyler Moore - first runs of the shows. This weekend, we ate ice cream, stayed up late and watched re-runs of Newhart and Mary Tyler Moore.

Jay has paranoia. She hallucinates. Her judgement is totally off. She wears the same thing every day. It's so sad to see her frail and limping along.

Yesterday I took her shopping with my mom and me. We went to Petco for cat food; she loved this store. Next we went to Trader Joe's and picked up a few things. From there we went to Whole Foods; my mom needed to see my dad, she wanted to see if Jay could see him too.

My mom ran ahead in the stores, like she usually does. She has her places in the stores where she sees my dad and always runs for those areas first to "check." Yesterday, my mom saw my dad in Whole Foods, she was thrilled. She told us that he was sleeping when we walked in and then jumped up and ran away. She was laughing.

Jay, didn't see my dad. She followed my mom all around the store like the tortoise and the hare. Jay walked a lot yesterday.

We got home and I made them a 1/2 of a turkey sandwich on spelt wheat bread with a little cup of soup from the dish that I had made the night before. Jay fell asleep on the recliner in my mom's room.

My mom got nervous when Jay was sleeping. She found my husband and told him that she thinks something is wrong with Jay. I went and checked on Jay and she looked like a corpse. Mouth open with shallow breathing. Jay gasps for breath when she's sleeping; I wonder if the mold in her apartment is affecting her respiration?

My mom later said to me, "Jay needs to stay here longer, you aren't done helping her yet, she's in rough shape."

When we first moved in with my new husband, my mom was paranoid like Jay. She accused my mother in law of rummaging through her things. Initially, I believed my mom because I didn't know my MIL very well at that time. The stories got more wild that my mom told and I began observing strange behaviors, just like the ones I observed with Jay this weekend.

Jay needs help. She can't live alone anymore. Her apartment needs to be gutted and rebuilt. All of her friends are sick or in a nursing home; they don't go to church together like they once did. Her cats are sick too.

Jay wants to feel better. I keep suggesting that she see Dr. Barton because he helped my mom so much. But she won't see him, she thinks traditional doctors know everything. Jay believes in Pharmaceuticals, she does not believe in nutritious food. Jay buys cheap food, she has bought in to the system where she ingests cheap food and needs the drugs. She's not on ANY vitamins, no magnesium, no calcium, no Vitamin D3, no fish oil... nothing except pharma drugs, one being coumadin. She tells me that she "can't have vitamins because of the coumadin."

Jay wants to feel better but she has dementia. Her thinking is skewed. She doesn't have a Healthcare Proxy. Every time I ask her about it she tells me that my cousin will be mad because she's her HCP. I learned from my cousin that she never signed the HCP paper.

Jay doesn't understand how important it is to have an HCP in place. I will talk to her all the way to the hospital. I'll work on convincing her to sign it because if something happens during the procedure and she doesn't have the HCP, the hospital will make her decisions for her.

I've noticed Jay's blood pressure is always high and her blood sugar is high. Jay is also pre-diabetic from the blood glucose tests that I've been taking on her in the morning. She won't let anyone go into the doctor visit with her because she's bashful. She doesn't want anyone to know what's wrong with her. Jay has been like this for as long as I can remember.

I'm sorry to my cousins if I was flinging accusations about you; I didn't realize how demented Jay had become. Jay was able to pull herself together for phone conversations. Jay did begin calling me, telling me about her hallucinations, hallucinations that I believed were real. Jay needs help. She has no children, just nieces and nephews... Jay needs our help.

Weekend at Camp Sue

Yesterday my niece and her boyfriend came to the house for a visit.  It was great to see them; their visit made my mom very happy.

We swam in the pool, had lunch and gave my niece a few business suits that I haven't worn in several years.  She could use them now, she's an Accountant.  It was a thrill to give her my suits, suits that I wore when I was making a very good salary.

Jay and my mom sat in the recliners in my mom's room, as they watched Double A try on each suit.  She looked awesome.  My mom and Jay ooo'd and ahhh'd as my niece giggled, beaming a smile that was as bright as the brightest beacon of light.  She knows that she needs to dress for the position that she wants and now she has the cloths to bump her up a bit in her new career.

I also gave her a few purses, every woman needs more than one purse to go with each outfit.



My mom had a blast.  She swam around in the pool, laughing and giggling.  Double A helped her Gram with the kick board, giving her confidence to swim.  It was a great day for Ma.

Jay felt a little left out.  She is weak and couldn't make it down the stairs to the patio.  She's worrying like crazy about her procedure tomorrow.  She's showing signs of dementia.  I really don't think Jay should live alone anymore.  She got really nervous when she was by herself, even though my MIL was in the other room and she could see us outside.

I gave Jay some attention when I came inside.  I also wanted to spend a little time with my niece, I haven't seen her in a long time.  It was a juggling act.

Jay was nervous and her blood pressure was high.  Jay's blood pressure has been constantly high.  She doesn't take any vitamins.  No Fish Oil, no Vitamin D3 and no COQ10.  She has heart trouble.  She's on Coumadin.  She doesn't eat.  She can't eat dark greens.  Jay was always the picture of health, now she can barely walk.  She wants to feel better.  She wants me to help her feel better but I can only do that if she allows me to get involved with her medical condition.  I need her to allow me to go to the doctors with her so that I can ask questions.

Jay's house is a shambles.  It's got dark mold in the sink in her bathroom.  It makes me nervous to see the mold.  I know that mold can cause health issues, serious ones.

I need to get Jay to give me permission to clean her house with my steam cleaner.  I'll show her how cool my steamer is so that she lets me go and use it in her house.  She needs help.  She knows she needs help and is just beginning to ask... Thank God for her Nurse Practitioner, telling her that she needs to ask for help.  Jay doesn't like to be reprimanded by her healthcare folks.  I think the NP told her that she's more forgetful and not as alert as she had been in the past.

Jay needs someone to go to the doctor's with her, she needs a Healthcare Proxy.

I love my Jay.  She has been an awesome Aunt my entire life.  Jay was my role model.  I always wanted to be like Jay.  She had a career.  Never had kids and always had the best wardrobe.  I remember enjoying looking in her closet as a little girl.  I remember her having my older sisters try on her cloths, just like I did with my niece yesterday as Jay watched.  Jay is a sweet old lady.

Before my niece showed up my mom was upset.  She was on the verge of crying, she couldn't speak.  She told me that she needed to speak to my husband about something.  She was upset.  I couldn't understand what could be wrong.

Jay my mom and me were sitting in the sun room when my mom started to talk.  She didn't know how to break "the news" to me.  "News?  What news?"  I asked.

"Oh, how do I say this... (holding back tears, choking up) Your brother.  (pausing to hold back tears) He's... He's... (pause)... no longer with us."  She blurted out as she began to cry.

"I know, Ed's been dead for years."  I replied.

"No, no, not Eddie... (paused - starting to cry)... Marty!  Marty is dead.  I saw him being carried up the stairs in a basket."  My mom began crying as she spoke.

"No, Marty's alive.  Let me call him on the phone so that you can talk to him."  I offered.

My mom was a little scared, thinking that I was calling beyond the grave.  I dialed the number and Marty answered the phone.

"Hello Marty?  Can you talk to Ma and tell her that you are still alive?  She thinks she saw you dead and needs to talk to you."  I said to my brother.

My mom talked to Marty and cried with relief.  He told her that he loves her and she told him that she loves him.  She settled down, put on her bathing suit and soon forgot the hallucination that scared her so much.

It's been an interesting weekend.  Today I'll take Jay shopping with my mom and me.  She loves getting out and walking around is good for her.  Tomorrow morning I'll drive her to the hospital and before she knows it, she'll be able to see again.

The Senior Slumber Party

Yesterday the moms and I went to Chelsea to pick up my Aunt Jay so that we could go to lunch at her favorite restaurant.  She has cataract surgery on Monday and is nervous.  She can't see and hasn't been eating.  I heard this and was on a mission to feed Jay real food so that she is strong enough for the procedure.

This morning we started her eye drops, 6 AM was the first round of drops, drops that will go in again at noon and 6 PM today and tomorrow.  The thought of driving 30 minutes one way 3 times a day was insane so I had an idea, get Jay to stay with me over the weekend.  It was a potential challenge, she never sleeps away from home, ever.  Staying here would serve two purposes, allow me to do the drops and nourish my frail little aunt.

Backing up to yesterday morning, I called Jay and suggested, 'Hey, I was thinking, why don't you just stay here this weekend?"

Jay had some excuses, but nothing I couldn't over come.  She was worried that my cousin Jess' feelings would be hurt because she was allowing me to take care of her.  The next obstacle was, "my cats, who will feed my cats?"  Jay worries about her animals, 11 year old cats that are her companions most of the time.

I chatted with my cousin and told her what I wanted to do to help our aunt; Jess was thrilled that Jay would come to my house for the weekend.  I would take Jay to the hospital and then to my cousin Linda's where Jay will recuperate.  Everyone loved the plan.

I called Jay and told her that everyone was in agreement that she should come here so that I could help her prepare for her procedure.

In true Polish style, Jay came to my house with a brown paper bag as her suit case.  My family and I have joked about the paper bag suit case for decades, often using one ourselves when visiting each other.

Last night was like living in an episode of the Golden Girls.  Three seniors, my mom 80, my mother in law 86 and my Aunt Jay 85.  I made them all a find dinner of salmon, string beans, asparagus and artichokes.  Jay loved it, so did the moms but they love most everything that I prepare for them.

Jay loves the Red Sox, my mom does too and last night there was a game on.  Jay took a shower, nearly burned herself (I need to help her tonight) but she was back to her old joking around self in no time at all.  I saw her and my mom sitting in the 2 recliners, Jay looking like "Edith Ann" from the old Laugh In Comedy Show from my days growing up.  I commented that it's like we are living in an episode of the Golden Girls, which is all Jay needed to hear before she began acting silly.  She wanted to make my mom laugh.  It worked.

My mom hallucinated a bit yesterday.  Jay saw how she changed from happy and pleasant to a lunatic.  She also watched me talk my mom off the ledge.  She watched me talk to the air and chase the hallucinations out of my mom's room.  She even watched me call Dream Master, she looked fascinated that I was able to turn my mom around.

Last night I realized something... Jay would be an awesome addition to our home.  She could help me with my mom.  If I could help Jay get healthy again, she would be strong enough to help me with my respite.  Jay and my MIL really like each other a lot.  Last night, all the moms were helping each other.  It was sweet.  My mom helped Jay, Jay helped my mom, Rachel helped Jay, Jay helped Rachel... it was awesome.

We planted the seed and suggested to Jay that she come to live here.  She does like our home and is comfortable with everyone.  She has company and I'm able to feed her the foods that will keep her strong.  An added bonus is Jay prays and last night she prayed for our Sammy to come home.

Sammy the cat went missing at 4pm.  I always bring the cats in before 4 so that the fox doesn't have them for dinner.  Shakti and Savita came in no problem, but Sammy didn't.  I called him for hours.  I told my husband that he was missing.  We both were so worried about him that we couldn't even eat dinner ourselves.

We walked up the dried creek, noticing animal footprints.  Were they our cats prints?  Was it the fox?  Were the deep prints those of a scuffle between Sammy and the fox?  My imagination was going wild.  Sammy is always home before it's dark.

The evening was crazy, calling the cat, whistling, tingling toy and even shaking the cat treat bag didn't bring Sammy running as it usually does.  I didn't give up hope until it began to down pour, thunder and lightning.  I gave up hope for Sammy ever coming home.

I told Jay and she handed me her rosary beads that a friend gave her.  The beads are from Fatima; beads that are Jay's Blessed Virgin Mary beads.  BVM, she's my favorite Catholic saint and the only one that I actually talk to regularly.  Who knows if it does anything more but bring me peace, but she always seems to help when I pray.

I prayed as I held Jay's beads.  I felt the power in Jay's beads as I cupped them in my hands and prayed.  I said the Hail Mary prayer silently to myself.  Jay said, "Let's pray the Hail Mary together."  I replied, "I just did."  Jay said, "Ok, good enough."

I left the room.

I felt myself need to look out the slider again; I needed to look right away.  I put the things that I had in my hands on the kitchen counter and ran toward the door.  I saw little white paws coming up the stairs in the dark.  I thought I was hallucinating.  I saw the paws walking toward the door.  Could it be?  Was it Sammy?  I opened the door and in came a fairly dry Sammy Cat.  He stayed dry through the downpour and rushed home as soon as there was a break in the clouds.

I gasped.  I couldn't believe it, Sammy came home!

Jay came out of her room, smiling and saying, "HE'S BACK!  Let me see him!!!  I told you he would come home.  I just finished praying to St. Anthony, he's the one you are supposed to pray to for animals, not the Blessed Mother."  My Aunt was so proud and happy because she believes she brought home our Sammy.  Maybe she did.

Yesterday was great.  My mom stayed up until 11pm with Jay.  They watched the Red Sox, had coffee and ice cream as they chatted and laughed.  Jay brought out my mom, the mom I always remembered.  Jay was happy, she was smiling and laughing.  She thanked me over and over again for helping her.  I told her that it's what families do, help each other.  I thanked her for letting me help her.

I tucked my mom in and then I tucked Jay in as she laid in her bed, holding her rosary beads, ready to pray as she does every night.  Jay told me that she was doing her rosary for me and my mom, my husband and Rachel too.  I added, "... and my cats too?"

"Oh yes!  Especially the cats, I'll pray so that they are always safe." Jay said assuringly.

"Good night Jay, sleep with God and I'll see you in the morning.  I love you."  I said to her as I kissed her on the cheek.

Jay went to sleep.

This morning she woke up thinking that she was in her own bed, she felt like she was home.

A Senior Smörgåsbord

The Dream Master worked to squelch my mom's fears related to her visions, especially "The Man."  He is gone and my mom's blood pressure is decreasing steadily.  Thank God.

Her hallucination of this male figure that she believed molested her has been put to rest.  I hope for good.  Mom didn't want to have another ritual to banish him to Hell for all eternity like we did with her hallucinations of the 2 Evil Bitches.  She was afraid of retaliation from "The Man's" mob.  I think in her mind, this guy was a mob boss who liked my mom.

Every day my mom and I go in the pool that my sister gave us.  Thank you Ann if you are reading this post.  It's helping Ma a lot.

I read last week that folks who suffer from Lewy Bodies Dementia will often enjoy things that they enjoyed before Lewy took hold of their minds.  My mom loves swimming around in our pool, we had one at the house that I bought before I met my husband.  The pool always made her feel good; it still does.

Now that she's lost nearly 100 pounds she looks so darn cute in her swimming suits.  Yesterday I noticed my mom's waist, something I didn't know she had because she's been obese for most of my life.  Mom loves putting on a bathing suit and sitting on the patio in order to get warmed up for the pool.

My mom wants to learn how to swim, she never learned because she was always afraid of the water.  The last 2 days she's been relaxing in the water and able to float.  She hangs on to the kick board and I help her to  get in the right position so that she can propel herself through the water on her own power.  She did yesterday as she laughed and giggled like a little kid.

It was fun.

The benefit:  My mom's blood pressure is more stable and normal.  Normal blood pressure keeps the visions away which keeps her blood pressure low.  Exercising in the pool is great medicine.

Now that my mom is doing OK, I'm worrying about my Aunt Jay.

Wednesday night she called me and said, "Susan, I need help."  God, I never heard Jay ask for help.  I was ready to jump in my truck and drive to her house.  She said, "I need cat food for my cats.  Jess was supposed to take me shopping but didn't."

I then asked, "Do you have food for you to eat?"

Jay replied, "Well, not really.  I do have peanut butter and celery.  I used the last of my oatmeal this morning.  I have a little bread left."

Oh my God, I was sickened.  My little Aunt Jay, the aunt who never had children, the aunt that I wanted to be like, was STARVING TO DEATH!

I told her that I would be there in the morning with food for her and the cats.  I raided my cupboard and packed her a care package.  I made her a couple of sandwiches and a container of the gluten free spaghetti and meatballs that I had made for dinner the night before.  Fruit and nuts, chopped vegetables, pasta, rice and some dark chocolate bars were included.

Jay told me that her nurse practitioner upset her when she told her that she needed help.  Jay thought she was telling her to go to a nursing home.  Jay called me all worked up.  Fortunately, I was able to calm her down and assured her that she'll be OK as long as she eats.

Monday Jay has cataract surgery.  She is worried and scared.  My cousin who lives in the house with her is supposedly taking her to the hospital on Monday morning.  I would like to take Jay to the hospital and wait for her.  Jay is recovering at another cousin's home.  I would love to have her here so that I could take care of her and show her how to cook nutritious meals for herself.

Jay is so frail.

Jay saw my mom yesterday and was floored by how good my mom looks.  I told Jay that I'd love to bring her to our Naturopath Doctor because he has helped my mom to feel good.  Jay was always the health one.  She walked all the time, to the market, to her bank and especially to her church.  Jay always had money.  Now, she lives like a pauper.  It breaks my heart to see her living alone with no one to care for her.  My Jay, how did this happen?!

Today, my mom, my MIL and I will pick up Jay and bring her out to lunch.  We'll go to her favorite restaurant where she goes every Friday for fish.  She still follows the old Catholic rule, no meat on Friday's.  I tried to tell Jay that it's OK to eat meat, especially in her case... I told her that it's more of a sin to not feed the body when it's starving than to follow an old rule that was dis-guarded from the Catholic living rules when I was still in Grammar School being taught by nuns.

Tomorrow and Sunday I'll bring Jay to my house.  She needs eye drops put in her eyes 3 times a day for 2 days before her surgery.  I am going to see if she'll just stay here for the weekend, we have an extra bedroom.

The last couple of days and the next few days will be a Senior Smörgåsbord of fun.

Once Again... Thank You Dream Master!

"Spsts!"  I hear my mom motion to me from behind the corner as I stood in the kitchen cleaning the dinner dishes.

"What's wrong Ma?"  I said inquisitively.

"I can't go in there... he's there!" She exclaimed, frightened.

"Who?"  I said to her.

"Him!  You know, THE MAN!"  She replied with worry but in a very low voice.  After all, she didn't want "him" to hear her.

"Do you want me to go into your room first?  Come on, follow me."  I said to her with confidence of an army of millions.

My mom shook her head yes and stepped aside so that I could lead the way.

Before entering her room, I turned to her and whispered, playing along with her belief in her hallucination.... "Do you want to do the rock ceremony and send him to hell?"

"Oh no" she whispered back.

"How about purgatory?  We can send him to purgatory for all eternity?"  I answered back.

"No, I don't want him hurt... do you know who he is?"  She said to me with fright in her eyes as though she was frightened of an assailant.

I shook my head with a NO gesture as she replied, "He's the one who molested me.  Didn't I tell you about that?"

"Well, let's send the bastard to freakin Hell NOW!"  I whispered to her with a stern angry looking face.

"No, no, don't hurt him.  He could hurt me more for hurting him.  He's like a Mafia type guy.  I'm scared of him."  My mom was scared shit-less.

"Ok.  How about I scare the shit out of him and threaten him with Purgatory?"  I said to her in a very low voice, as though we were talking in church or some other sacred place.

"Yes, that's a great idea!"  My mom said as she followed me into her room.

"Ok you asshole!"  I screamed.  "I am so sick and tired of you scaring my mom.  If you don't leave her alone right now, I will send you to Hell to rest in all of eternity with your Evil Bitches!"  I turned to see my mom, she still looked worried.

My mom was standing next to me as though I was her big sister ready to kick the crap out of some bully.  I then turned to my mom and said, "You know, I could call Dream Master.  This is an emergency."

My mom shook her head yes and I picked up the "special orange phone" in her room and dialed Dream Master with all the special button presses and pauses.  I would listen, press a few more numbers... I did this a few times.

"Hello?  Dream Master?  My mom is having a problem.  {pause}  Oh! OK... that would be super.  {smiled at my mom as I shook my head yes} HA HA HA HA HA... {more pause}  Ok... thanks Dream Master.  Oh, my dad says hello and is wondering why we haven't replied?  Well, my fault, I haven't had a chance.  We will write soon.  Thank you... my mom will be really happy, now she can rest."  I finished my conversation with Dream Master and hung up.

"Ok Ma, you should be fine now, Dream Master is taking care of everything."  I said to my mom.

"Oh, thank you."  My mom's worried face became calm.  I gave her all of her night time supplements and off she drifted into Dreamland where Dream Master and my Dad are watching over my mom.

Thank you Dream Master!

I Love Summer

Yesterday was a fun day out in the backyard.  My mom was excited to go in the pool and put on her bathing suit  when she got dressed in the morning.  She came out of her room in her new bathing suit, water shoes and topped off with a straw hat.

"OK, I'm ready to go swimming!"  She exclaimed as she came in to the kitchen.

My mom sat out on the patio and waited for me to open up the pool while she had headphones in her ears, listening to her favorite music.  I planted seeds in my garden.  A perfect summer day.  I love summer!

The sun was hot.  I told my mom that I would open the pool and then clean out the pine needles so that she could go in.  She didn't hear me.  I thought she did hear me, but oh was I wrong.

I was in the pool cleaning the pine needles and my mom started to yell at me from where she was sitting on the deck.  She was mad because I was in the pool and she wasn't.  I didn't tell her that I was going in.  She got up from her chair, said something and stomped up the stairs to go inside.

Oh boy.  Here we go again.

I finished my task, no sense getting out of the pool until I was done.  Walking in to my mom's room, she had her door shut.  She never shuts her door unless she's mad.  I knocked and went in.  She was laying in bed, in her bathing suit... mad.  Really mad.

"You do it to me all the time!"  She hollered.  "You always do things to screw me up."

At this point, I was confused.  I had no idea what I had done to piss her off.  One minute she was happy and the next she was on a war path... with me!

Calmly I spoke to her, like you'd talk to a 6 year old who was having a temper tantrum.  "Awww, come on Ma.  I wasn't doing anything to piss you off.  I was cleaning out the pool so that you wouldn't have dead bugs and pine needles.  You know how much you hate the floating things in the pool, right?  Come on, come in the pool.  I cleaned it just for you."

My mom wanted to go in the pool badly but not before she attempted to make me cry.  I didn't cry.  She got out of bed.

"Here, let me help you put on your water shoes."  I said to her.

"No, no, let me do it myself!"  She replied back.

She tried to put on her shoes but had a little trouble, so I held the shoe open which made it easier for her to slip it on.  Back we went to the patio and to the pool.

Climbing up the ladder my mom said, "No, no, let me do it myself!"

She did.  She got into the pool like she's been doing it every day of her life.  My mom smiled and laughed.  She kicked her legs and held onto floating toys that would get away from her, dunking her into the water a little.  She came up laughing as she said, "Oh, my hair!  It's going to get ruined."

The pool calmed my mom, it made her forget why she was so mad in the first place.  It was a misunderstanding, Ma couldn't hear me because she had her music playing in her ears.  I need to make sure that I explain everything to her.

I found a really great document for Care Givers on the Lewy Bodies Dementia Association website, it helped me to navigate the upset from yesterday with ease.  Here's the paragraph from their website where you can download the article on Dementia Care.

To get started, read this article on Dementia Care by Tanis J. Ferman, Ph.D, et al (July 2005) which provides caregiver tips on communicating, routines, wandering, aggression, exercise, sleep, moving day, scheduling home help, caregiver stress, and support groups.

Our day was great.  I gardened.  I went in the pool.  Everyone was happy, even the cats.  The cats played with ice in their drinking dish, chased bugs and even caught a chipmunk.  The cats played with the little rodent, making sure not to injure it.  Our cats have learned that dead rodents are no fun, they prefer to keep them alive and play chase.

I love Summer.