How I Met My Husband

Caregiving for a parent (or loved one) with dementia is the hardest job I've ever taken on. I really don't know how it happened, where I became the caregiver for mom. Maybe it was because I had no life for so long. All I did was work, make a good salary and watch after mom.

I never believed I'd meet someone to share my life with, all the good guys seemed to have been taken. After all, I was in my 40's, the odds of meeting someone who didn't have any "baggage" (exwife and children) was pretty slim.

7 years ago from today I had the bright idea to see if I could find a friend on Match.com. I registered for one month, giving myself 30 days to find my new male companion. I was looking for someone to enjoy life with and who made me laugh.

I looked at every picture of the non-smokers. I read their profiles. None jumped out at me and said, "pick me!" Looked like slim pickings in the non-smoker category, so I looked at the "light" smokers. It was there that I saw Brian's smiling face. His was the first one that came up on my computer monitor. His profile was funny as hell, I laughed and laughed. He was a "light" smoker.

Throwing caution to the wind I contacted him, see if he really was as funny as I think he is. He wrote me back!

Brian and I were "email pals" for awhile, a few weeks anyway. I wanted to get to know him through his writing. One thing that I found very attractive in Brian is his command of the English language. Yay, someone who knows how to communicate and has a sense of humor to make me laugh through life.

By the time Brian and I had scheduled our first meeting, face to face, we felt like we had known each other for eons. I told Brian that I had wanted to learn how to play Golf. He is a golfer or at least attempts to be a golfer. Brian took me to a local golf course and I had my first golf lesson. I was hooked on Golf and on Brian. The golf instructor even called me Brian's wife on our first date!

Oh... I will never forget the instructor saying, "look at your wife! she knows how to swing a club" I didn't say anything to correct her, I didn't want to embarrass my new friend. Maybe I knew deep inside that our instructor was just seeing into our future.

The years where Brian and I dated, we both owned our own homes and each of us had our mom's living with us. I saw Brian only on weekends because my job required me to travel. I was out of town during the week and Brian lived about 40 minute drive from where I lived with my mom and Savita the Cat.

Now, we've been married for a year and a few months. Both moms live with us and every one is settling in to our new living arrangement. One day we will get to have a honeymoon but for now it seems our vacationing is on hold until the moms leave their Earth suits.

In the meantime, we are making our home into Camp Sue 2 because I believe that life is what we make it. My advice to women who are looking for a male companion... don't be so strict with your "rules" to finding a man. By excluding someone who has a habit (which by the way can be broken) that you don't care for is limiting. Besides, maybe this person needs you to help them to quit smoking by giving encouragement?

Brian? He quit smoking 4 years ago. We golf when we can and he makes me laugh every day. I can't imagine him not being in my life. If I stuck by my rule of only dating "non-smokers", I wouldn't have met the man of my dreams, my husband Brian.

Rip up your rules, relax and let the Universe take care of the rest.