Christmas and Dementia

Me, Ma and Jay
Christmas 2010

I have noticed more and more that when we have a family party, my mom becomes disoriented.  Having people in the house makes her want to "go home."  She looks for exits that exist only in her mind.  Not being able to find the extra rooms tends to upset her leaving her with the same question, "Tell me something, what happened to the door that was right there!"

The Christmas holiday has come and gone, our lives are back to our Lewy Bodies Dementia normal; hallucinations, fluctuating cognition and lots of shit to clean off floors and carpets.  My mom even gave me a gift of a shit trail that she stepped in on Christmas day, moments before we were to leave for our Christmas Dinner with my brother and sister-in-law.  I cried.

Every day we seem to have some mishap with feces, not pleasant at all, especially for someone like me who gags at the thought of all things gross.  Yesterday, I had a huge trail to clean up because my mom refuses to keep her diaper on; she believes that she can hold it until she reaches the toilet, she can't.

My mom is having trouble facing the fact that she needs to keep a diaper on at all times because she can't control her bowels.  I know it upsets her to crap all over the place, she even told me to leave it and "someone" would come and clean it up.  I am that someone.

Christmas was a nice holiday, unfortunately it was overshadowed with lots of human feces that needed to be cleaned up before any guests arrived at our home for a little family gathering.  Looking for the bright side, all the poop cleaning did keep me from eating all the delicious and fattening foods that ladened the table.  I didn't gain too much weight this Christmas, yay!

"I love it!  I was hoping for one of these!!!"

Family did come to the house on Christmas Eve, it was fun to give my little 4 year old cousin gifts.  She was so funny and full of the spirit of Christmas that it was easy to get caught up in the holiday festivities.

My mom was nervous around her Great Niece, she always is around little kids lately.   Nikki was scared around my mom, just as she is around Uncle Al, her Grampy.  Neither of these seniors can interact with people, no wonder she is so frightened when they reach out to her.  However, my mom did enjoy watching her open her gifts, especially the new baby doll that talked.

Christmas and dementia are stressful.  It makes me wonder if it's a good idea to have family gatherings because it appears to confuse my mom.

I remember a couple of years ago how Uncle Al would clam up and sit lethargic in a chair when we had him over the house for a party.  Through my observations, too much stimulation like that of a family party with lots of people brings on dementia episodes.

This could be our mom's last Christmas at home with us.  I don't know what the year will bring but I do know that this is the year that my mom will go to a nursing facility.  Care Giving for her has crossed a line that I never wanted to cross, cleaning up feces that came out of my mom's ass.  I pray for strength every day that I can keep caring for her until a bed opens in one of the nicer homes that I have her on wait lists.

In the meantime, we do have lots of nice memories with family, memories that will one day help all of us survivors laugh and laugh.

Donna, Patricia, Ma and Jay
Christmas 2010