I Need a Break,,. Regularly!

I need respite and I need it bad.  I cry every day... this is not right.

My mom's insanity is affecting me, it makes my stomach turn in knots.

Am I insane?  

Listening to her talk to her hallucinations and then become angry with me for "interrupting" is adding to my stress.   The twanging string of insanity, day in and day out with the only break being when my ward is sleeping; it's too much.  I need a break... regularly!  Breaks that I can count on, breaks that will allow me to exercise and meditate... work in my garden... or just clean the house.

My mom is feeling good.  She doesn't know that she's sort of schizo, she believes that she's fine.  She believes that she can live on her own and take care of herself.  There's no telling her different, even when I remind her that  she can't operate the TV remote control.  Forget about making herself a cup of tea or coffee, even the Keurig coffee machine is a challenge.

Mom is better than she was a year ago.  She sleeps through the night and talks a lot when she's awake.  Last year she wouldn't talk because she couldn't find her words at all.  Now, she finds her words alright but uses them to tell me about what she "sees" or asks me "Hey did you see Eddie?" , "Look!  Do you see that elephant over there?  See it?!"

Fortunately, her hallucinations are friendly and not scary.  For a long while she hallucinated about "the man" which caused her to call the cops at 2am.  You can read about it in this post - Hello Madame... it's the police!".  We took the phone out of her room to avoid this happening again.

I have hope today, more than yesterday.  I've got a plan in place to find out what our options are to help keep my mom home with me a little longer.  Time that will allow me to find her a nursing home where she can make friends and have other people around... more than just me 24 x 7.  I found a Respite Care Giver's guide on the Alzheimer's website, this is providing me hope.  Respite Care Giver's Guide

Thanks to one of my blogging buddies for posting a comment yesterday telling me about my options for respite.  Thank you Kathy.  Kathy cares for her husband with Lewy Bodies Dementia, it's a wild disease of the brain.  I enjoy reading Kathy's blog because it helps me to realize that I'm not alone.  You can read Kathy's stories about her care giving experiences here - Living with a Thief Named Lewy .

Care Givers need breaks, regular breaks that we can count on.  It's great if you can depend on family and friends but my experience is that you can't depend on anyone with good intentions.  I'm grateful to Kathy for pointing out where I can go for help outside of family.