It was like Mrs. Jekyl and Mrs. Hyde, my mom's attitude and behaviors turned from pleasant to nasty without notice.
I arrived 15 minutes early to pick her up, I had a feeling that it was time to get her. She was waiting outside the small department store, holding a bag. She didn't smile when she saw me, I knew immediately that something was wrong.
She handed me her bag as she climbed into the truck. A bag that held Activia yogurt containers, yogurt that in the past has caused her personality to change within minutes. Yesterday was no different, her personality changed, she was in a nasty mood and wouldn't eat lunch.
Grilled vegetables and a small piece of steak was on the menu for lunch yesterday; my mom's favorite meal that we don't have very often. I had left my mom in her room, she was tired and wanted a rest. She woke up and came through the slider out to the deck where I was cooking, "That bitch, I am going to fix her wagon!" My mom exclaimed to me. She was mad. MAD AT ME!
I decided to approach things differently. My mom is not right mentally and I need to remind myself that no one can make me happy or sad, it's up to me. It's my choice to give away my power and allow my mom to control my emotions. Yesterday, I decided not to care. I decided to put myself first and enjoy a beautiful summer day.
My mom sat on the patio, looking up at me with an evil eye, trying to give me that old Italian curse. I laughed. I cracked up laughing every time I glanced down at her. It made her more angry. She moved to another seat on the patio and glared at me. I laughed. I laughed like my father who often laughed at bullshit. It was his way of making the shit slinger realize the lunacy in their behavior. Being on the receiving end of this sort of laughter sucks but it does work.
"Oh, you laugh now." My mom said to me as she glared at me. "You laugh now, keep laughing... you are going to be crying soon." She added with daggers shooting from her eyes.
I laughed.
"Ma, would you like to eat down there or would you like to have lunch inside?" I said to her, ignoring that she was angry.
"I'm not eating your poison!" She hollered up to me.
I laughed.
My mom was angry. I decided not to let her make me cry. If she wanted to be miserable, she could be miserable alone. I knew that the ingredients in the yogurt would run its course through her body. I also knew that eventually she'd want to eat and I'd make sure to give her lots of vegetables with some coconut ice cream for desert. The coconut milk ice cream, coconut flavored, always puts her in a better state of mind.
Mom sat and cried. I didn't pay any attention to her tears. I let her cry. After a couple of hours, she was ready to have her lunch.
Music sooths the soul. I played her favorite music with the hope of calming her. Once she ate the coconut milk ice cream, her mood shifted. She was happier. The food, ice cream and music did the trick.
I worked in my garden all day, preparing the soil for all the seeds that I'll plant today. It was awesome. I had a great day because I put myself first and my husband second.
Honoring myself, I put myself before my mother. I decided that it's insane to allow my own personal happiness to be compromised in an attempt to bring happiness to my mom. Simple fact, we can't make anyone happy. I can't make my mom happy; only she can create her happiness, it's a state of mind.
Laughing changed the energy and the dynamics of the day. No yelling, no crying, no upset throughout the entire house.
We had a great day yesterday. I'll drop my mom off at the store again if she wants to go. If she eats something that she shouldn't eat, screw it. I've learned how to ride my mom's waves of insanity; I've found peace.... I put myself first.
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