Once Again... Thank You Dream Master!

"Spsts!"  I hear my mom motion to me from behind the corner as I stood in the kitchen cleaning the dinner dishes.

"What's wrong Ma?"  I said inquisitively.

"I can't go in there... he's there!" She exclaimed, frightened.

"Who?"  I said to her.

"Him!  You know, THE MAN!"  She replied with worry but in a very low voice.  After all, she didn't want "him" to hear her.

"Do you want me to go into your room first?  Come on, follow me."  I said to her with confidence of an army of millions.

My mom shook her head yes and stepped aside so that I could lead the way.

Before entering her room, I turned to her and whispered, playing along with her belief in her hallucination.... "Do you want to do the rock ceremony and send him to hell?"

"Oh no" she whispered back.

"How about purgatory?  We can send him to purgatory for all eternity?"  I answered back.

"No, I don't want him hurt... do you know who he is?"  She said to me with fright in her eyes as though she was frightened of an assailant.

I shook my head with a NO gesture as she replied, "He's the one who molested me.  Didn't I tell you about that?"

"Well, let's send the bastard to freakin Hell NOW!"  I whispered to her with a stern angry looking face.

"No, no, don't hurt him.  He could hurt me more for hurting him.  He's like a Mafia type guy.  I'm scared of him."  My mom was scared shit-less.

"Ok.  How about I scare the shit out of him and threaten him with Purgatory?"  I said to her in a very low voice, as though we were talking in church or some other sacred place.

"Yes, that's a great idea!"  My mom said as she followed me into her room.

"Ok you asshole!"  I screamed.  "I am so sick and tired of you scaring my mom.  If you don't leave her alone right now, I will send you to Hell to rest in all of eternity with your Evil Bitches!"  I turned to see my mom, she still looked worried.

My mom was standing next to me as though I was her big sister ready to kick the crap out of some bully.  I then turned to my mom and said, "You know, I could call Dream Master.  This is an emergency."

My mom shook her head yes and I picked up the "special orange phone" in her room and dialed Dream Master with all the special button presses and pauses.  I would listen, press a few more numbers... I did this a few times.

"Hello?  Dream Master?  My mom is having a problem.  {pause}  Oh! OK... that would be super.  {smiled at my mom as I shook my head yes} HA HA HA HA HA... {more pause}  Ok... thanks Dream Master.  Oh, my dad says hello and is wondering why we haven't replied?  Well, my fault, I haven't had a chance.  We will write soon.  Thank you... my mom will be really happy, now she can rest."  I finished my conversation with Dream Master and hung up.

"Ok Ma, you should be fine now, Dream Master is taking care of everything."  I said to my mom.

"Oh, thank you."  My mom's worried face became calm.  I gave her all of her night time supplements and off she drifted into Dreamland where Dream Master and my Dad are watching over my mom.

Thank you Dream Master!

Don't Worry, I Called the Dream Master

After today's mis-adventures with my mom in the torential rain, I knew that I needed to assure her that everything was great. 

Her day was fine, after she had a nap for a few hours.  I let her sleep for 3 hours after she walked a mile up the hill, in the torrential rain, carrying her kleenex box, with trash trucks picking up trash.  Yes, my mom has one of those tales to tell and it's true.

Tonight when I tucked her in she was in good spirits.  I said to her, "Oh, by the way, don't worry, I called the Dream Master today.  I told him to cut you a break and cancelled your dreams.  I asked how many points I needed. 

My mom looked at me and said, "Oh, can I pay him?  How much does it cost?"

I said, "Oh no Ma, it's not money that we pay with, it's good deed points.  You know how easy that is for me (my mom shook her head in agreement.)  I promise the Dream Master that I'll do extra good deeds so that you have many good nights sleep in a row.   It's sort of like Karma but for dreams.  I have this special way to reach the Dream Master.  I can call from any phone.  Even phones that have no dial tone, I can use.  See your phone right there?  I use that one for emergencies, when we need to cancel one immediately."

My mom, wide eyed and excited says, "Oh, well that is really great.  Thank you dear, good night.  What time are you waking up tomorrow.  Come and wake me, OK.  I'll wake up with you.  Sleep good.  I'm going to sleep good.  I love you."

"Good night Ma, Sleep with God.  You will have awesome dreams about dad and Ed and your brother Auggie and your mom and sister...your father."

"Oh!  He'll probably hit me!"  she said to me half laughing about her dad who used to chase Uncle Al all over the place so that he could beat him (that's Uncle Al's view of him.)

"Hit you?  What for?  He's going to hold you and hug you and love you... kiss you and spoil you, just like he did when he was alive.  You know how he spoiled you, you were his baby."  I said to my mom, matter of factly, exactly as she told me this story time and time again all my years growing up.

With a little laugh and a cute little smile, my mom says, "You're probably right.  He did spoil me, I was his favorite, he bought me really nice dolls, big dolls."

As I shut off the ligths in her room I said, "Good night Ma, sleep well, sleep with God and I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night dear... can you leave the hall light on?" She asked in a voice that reminded me of the days when I was afrraid of the dark and what lurked in the shaddows. 

"Sure Ma.  I'll leave it on.  Good night.  I'll see you in the morning, it will be a great day!"  I said as I walked from her room and to my room to retreat for the evening.  Ahhhhhh, peace at last.  Thank God for the Dream Master and magic phones.