I am not a doctor. I am providing information based on experiences that my mom has with natural remedies. The purpose of this blog is to help folks to educate themselves. Use this information with your own discernment.

11 November 2011

Intense Daze

October 2011
Ma with Grover, the Cookie Monster
It's been difficult having my mom in hospice, mostly because I know that our days together are limited.  Living for her good days; I arrange my life.  Mom's still inside her frail body, sometimes she comes out and makes me laugh.  I live for the sound of her laughter, soothing to my broken heart, as mom exits this life for whatever comes next.

We live in a "me first" society, caring for family seems to be classified as having a touch of insanity; what's in it for me?  A question that fills the lines of so many faces for the world to read.

What happened to the Old World family values, the real family love that I witnessed growing up with my Polish Grandmother and Aunt?

Family love is now an ideal... when did this happen?  How did it happen?  Why did we all let it happen?

Cope outs.  The easy way out.  Convincing one's self this or that, forming a belief to ease the pain of loss.  There is no easy way out of this life.  We all live.  We all die.  It's what we do in between the biggest events of our life that matters.  People matter.  Stuff doesn't.  Money doesn't.  In the end, all we have is each other.

Mom, she won't be a living and breathing person forever, her days are numbered.  I choose to enjoy Mom, even though she can barely string more than 3 coherent words together.  Sometimes she recognizes me ... sort of; at any given time I am any one of her 3 daughters.   Hallucinations about her absent family brings her peace.  "Marty, Joey and Andy came to see me"  Mom exclaims with joy.  "Eddie, he moved in with me!"  She adds about my dead brother who she believes is alive and well.

Mom knows her family's energy and it calms her, even if the only in the flesh visitors she gets regularly are my sister and me.

Mom, she will live forever in my heart.  I have few regrets.  I am grateful for all the memories that I shared with her, memories that will comfort me for years to come.  I gave Care Giving my all and I am left in an intense daze.


  1. very beautiful. And who is to say that your brother ISN'T there with your mom, in some form, watching over her as she begins to move to the next phase of her existance..?

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. I just wanted to let you know how much your posts mean to me, as someone who is the primary caregiver for my mom who has LBD. You are so right about people trying to argue you out of caregiving. "What about you? What about your life?" And also "What about me? You aren't able to spend enough time with me. You are being selfish taking time away from x or y or z and spending it with your mother."

    It seems unimaginable, but since the 80s, it seems that people have become so selfish and self-centered. It is all about me me me me and mine mine mine and making more and more money. And some people actually think that, if you aren't rich and getting richer, then you must not be right with the Creator. And suddenly really caring for other people is a weakness. It means you are stupid or gullible or something.

    Sorry. It is a hot button with me.

    Anyway, THANK YOU so much for this blog and for all your invaluable links.

  4. Wanted to thank you for this post. It is so very true. I am reading back through all your posts - your love story - and it is wonderful what you have done and are doing. Thank you.