Care Giver Sentence... Almost Over?

Caring for my mom is the greatest burden I've ever carried alone.  No word can describe it; if you want to know, live the life of a Dementia Care Giver.  It's heavy.

Mom has no idea who I am, needs assistance with everything, hates living in this house, wants to go with my brother Ed (who's dead.)  She fights anyone who tries to guide her; pushing back, digging her heels in the ground and making it impossible to direct her anywhere, especially toward the toilet.

Lewy Bodies Dementia is nasty.  No matter how much reading and research that I did on my own over the last 3 years, nothing has prepared me for this leg of the journey with my mother.

My one hope is that my experiences helps someone someday to prepare themselves emotionally for what is coming.  It's not pretty.

Mom has a new behavior; whenever she has to use the bathroom she pulls her pants down and proceeds to "find a toilet" ... wherever she stands.

Cleaning shit off the floor is horrible; seeing my mom prepare to relieve herself in an inappropriate place is akin to living ones worst nightmare.  I am stressed.

My mom needs a bed to open.  Sorry to sound like a broken record; I can't think of anything else that we need more.

I have NO idea how I am caring for my mom with one hand.  I'm amazed that I haven't ripped my stitches.

I'm grateful for the Day Program Director acting as our advocate; doing what she can to get my mom placed or get more hours of in home help while we wait for a bed to become available.

Mom is back to half days at the day program, returning home at 2pm every afternoon.  I am not ready for her to come home early.  I need more respite, not LESS!

I sob.

Will my prayers be answered?  Will I ever be released from the Lewy Bodies Dementia prison?  Hello Universe?  Hello? ... Please help end this horrid dream.  Is my Care Giver Sentence almost over?  Please send reinforcements!