Work Brings Peace

This week, everything is gradually improving... it's better than it has been for my mom and me.  She had some hallucinations where my dad was the star of her day; the hallucinations didn't scare her so I didn't give her Helleborus Niger, a homeopathic remedy that works to chase away scary hallucinations.

I've been thinking, why is she better able to handle being by herself during the day for long stretches of time?  Why does she appear like she did when we lived in my house in Groveland? 

My mom doesn't seem to have a problem with entertaining herself when she knows I'm working.  This got me thinking and observing behaviors. 

For the first 10 years that my mom lived with me, I worked from home.  I travelled a lot but when I was not travelling, my office was in the house and it had the busy sounds of an office.

My mom, she loved to listen to me work.  Often if I was on a conference call with my team she'd stand in the kitchen doing dishes, listening to the sounds of my work wafting down the stairs; the sounds comforted her. 

The clicking of the keyboard, the ringing phone, the laughter and conversation about work related things, things that my mom had no idea what the topic being discussed is about... all of these little things made my mom feel comfortable.

Working is not only helping me, it's helping my mom too.   Since I've been putting in full days behind my keyboard, working a real job, my mom is calm.  Mentally she's clearer than she had been.  She laughs at TV.  She hasn't laughed at TV in awhile, she obviously wasn't able to keep up with the jokes.  However, it's different this week, she is happy, she is laughing, she is carrying conversations. 

Could she have been worried about my being unemployed? 

I had been unemployed for 22 months, nearly 2 years.  My unemployment situation is what kicked off the 2 year ride that brought us immediately on to the dementia freeway.  Looking back, it was intense.  I did some things wrong but did most stuff right.  I learned from my mistakes.  2 years later, we are all better off.  Even my mom with LBD is better than she could have been if she kept ingesting the food she was eating. 

Nutritious food absolutely helped my mom.  I believe that if we didn't change her diet, there's no way I could handle caring for her at home.  Processed foods, gluten, sugar... all the stuff that is filler in our food these days, brought on wild and scary hallucinations.  Hallucinations that only appeared to her at night when I needed to sleep.

It sure does feel good getting to sleep at night. 

Work brings peace...

Today IS  a GREAT Day!

I Wish I Knew Her Expiration Date

One would never know our kittens had spay and neuter surgery yesterday, they have been running around since they got home.  The kittens are rambunctious and disturbed my sleep last night.  If it wasn't my mom waking me it was the kittens.

My mom, she's been more demented than usual.  I ran out of Cognifactor.  It should arrive today.

According to my mom, I'm the problem.  I don't see it that way, of course.  My mom is the problem and I'm at the end of my rope today.  I am tired.  For several days she's been up every night walking around and squeaking the floor.  She thinks people are at the door knocking. 

I absolutely despise when I wake up to find her completely dressed in the dark of the morning, thinking she's going somewhere.  This morning, I woke up and found her walking around dressed with her coat on.

Today, I feel like admitting her to a nursing home.  She's very difficult and I don't feel like doing this anymore.  Winter is a tough season, it's hard to get out.  We had snow for several days in a row so I didn't take her out anywhere.

Yesterday the sun was shining and the snow had stopped. I took her out shopping so that she could buy herself some new cloths that fit.  My mom is disagreeable with me these days and doesn't listen to me at all.   Her favorite word is NO, just like a 2 year old.   She hates everything that I cook for her, she isn't eating.  She wants pasta and bread.  I am ready to give it to her and send her to a nursing home.

In the store yesterday, I would call and wave to her to follow me and she would walk toward a stranger that she thought was me. 

Getting into the truck is always an adventure when I take my mom out in it.  I like her to wait before hopping into the truck so that I can make sure she doesn't slip and fall.  Well, yesterday she didn't wait.  She slipped and nearly fell flat on the ground.  She hung on to the grab bar on the truck with half her body parrallel with the ground, ready to come crashing down on her back and her head.  I was able to catch her before we had a serious situation.

My mom makes me crazy when I'm tired.  Today I am tired.

I have a problem alright, it's my mother.  How do I get her to do things without me? How do I get her to want to go to Blaire House so that I have a few hours respite?  If she doesn't want to go, the respite benefits go out the window when she returns home.  She can be a huge bitch when she wants to be.  Today, she wants to be a bitch and I'm ready to drive her to a nursing home and leave her for good.

Unfortunately there's no reasoning with the demented mind.  I have to ride this out.  I also need to remember these times with her so that when my mom does die, I will jump up and dance instead of falling down and crying. 

I wish I knew her expiration date.