Do You Have the Courage?

Acupuncture seemed to cure my mom's insomnia for 2 nights.  

Last night, mom was up all night.

I expected it.  

Mom was wild yesterday.  Eyes closed, hallucinations as real as life and words strung together that made no sense at all.  Lifting her legs, attempting to climb out of any chair that she's belted into; mom reminded me of a very big two year old.

Several of the folks were agitated yesterday.  I wonder if emotions are contagious between residents?

"Help me.  Please help me."  A frail old lady cried to me; reminisce of a haunted house on Halloween.  The resident is scary looking and her voice is just as frightening.  

"Take me with you.  I love you.  I love you."  The old woman cried as she took my hand and kissed it.

I had to take my mom out for awhile, maybe a ride in the car would help calm her down.

It didn't.

It seemed to make her more agitated.

I took her to Mann Orchard for a cup of coffee; often I'd take her there for a coffee while I shopped for fresh fruit and vegetables.  Yesterday, we just had a cup of coffee because I couldn't leave my mom unattended.

The visit to the farm triggered a memory of my sister.  

"Where's Donna?  I haven't seen her in awhile."  Mom asked.  

How do I answer?

Mom became more agitated as she said, "Looks like it's just you and me."

Her day began to take a nose dive.  She felt my anxiety that I feel when she asks about her other children.  Mom can read my emotions, she feels them; I was not helping her have a good day.

I walked away.  I cried on the drive home and selfishly wished for my mom's end to come soon.  

Visiting mom can range from difficult to extremely rewarding.  It takes courage to visit a nursing home; to fearlessly walk into the unknown world of the demented.   

I have one question...

Do you have the courage?