I'm noticing ever time there's a change in my mom's daily routine, her sleep pattern is the first thing to change. Night becomes day and day becomes night. Sleepwalking becomes a regular nightly occurance.
Last night, I tucked my mom in and she had a nightgown on, when I saw her come to the kitchen this morning, she was fully dressed. I asked her when she got dressed. She told me that she didn't know, she woke up dressed, she had just woken up. I never heard her get up, she must not have gone in to the kitchen where I can hear a squeak in the floor.
There is no way I can have her home during the day, she requires too much attention and I'd never get my work done. She falls asleep from boredom and wakes up screaming about someone or thinking that someone is knocking on the door. Unfortunately, my mom doesn't understand why she has to go somewhere during the day, she believes in her mind that she's OK to stay alone while I work downstairs.
No, no Ma, you must go to Blaire House. She pouts. She hates the idea. Too bad.
Her reaction to this change is similar to when I took her car away and made her stop driving. She was angry.... REALLY mad at me for taking her driving privledge away. She attempted to tell me "Well Susie, I'm still your mother!" and I'd reply, "Great, you still can't drive, you can't see well, you'll kill someone and then we'll all be screwed."
For almost a year, my mother was mad at me about her not driving and she was a major pain in the ass. If I was a rotten kid like she often told me, she would have found herself in a room next to her brother in a not so great nursing home a long time ago.
Time healed her angst for driving, although she still talks about buying a blue Ford Taurus, her favorite car; one is parked on someone's lawn near our home, it hasn't moved in almost 2 years, she believes she will buy it as soon as the for sale sign is placed in the window. I go along with her dream of owning the blue Ford Taurus, it makes her feel happy thinking that she can drive. She still has a valid drivers license, we just don't let her use it.
Today my mom is going to Blaire House. Yay!!! My husband has the day off and we have massages scheduled. I'll have the Blaire House drop my mom off at home.
I'm hoping that having them take her home will ease her anxiety of being left at the place for good. It will make it easier for me, I won't have to stop working for an hour or more just so that I can retrieve my mom and bring her home.
One day at a time, that's all we can do with this horrible disease that my mom has in her brain. She's getting worse, no doubt. I'm just not sure if it's because her routine is changing or if there's something physically changing in her brain because of the upset to her regular daily routine? Maybe it's a bit of both?
In any event, I'm excited to start working again. I miss reading programs and solving computer problems. My mind is ready for a challenge that isn't a matter of life or death. Bring on the bits and bytes, this brain needs some exercise!
Last Friday, I came to the conclusion that my mother needs to be in a nursing facility. Over the weekend, I had to come to terms with my mother's condition, she is declining fast. I feel badly, I wish it were different, I did all that I could to help her have a comfortable old age. Did I fail my mom because I have to put her in a home?
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