The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Over the course of the last week I've seen my mom go from communicating like she was 30 again to not being able to spit out her words.

It can be frightening not just for the demented but the care giver as well.

I'd say the time that it's worse for me is in the wee morning hours when my mom has no idea if it's day or night even though the sky is still black.

She is back to packing her bags and thinking that she's going home. We sold my house a year ago.

She listens to herself talk about her hallucinations and then she stops herself when she realizes how crazy it all must sound to the listener.

My mom's eyes get hollow when she's in her demented state, trapped in her own mind. She's very disagreeable; nothing is right and her only answer is NO. It's pretty frustrating as a caregiver. Fortunately I realize that she has no idea what she's doing. She's not lashing out at me on purpose.

We have found a homeopathic remedy that is working for her, helleborus niger. It is pretty amazing how it brings her around. I just wish she'd stay around and not go in and out every other day.

All of this got me thinking about a twanging string. If you flick a taut string, the string will vibrate back and forth until it reaches an equilibrium and stays constantly calm. I'm hoping that my mom's mind is like the twanging string, that it will gradually move to a center ground that is neither of the extremes; imbecile or genius.

I believe in miracles.