Disclaimer

I am not a doctor. I am providing information based on experiences that my mom has with natural remedies. The purpose of this blog is to help folks to educate themselves. Use this information with your own discernment.

12 February 2013

Is Today the Day?


"Actively Dying..." I heard the Hospice Doctor say to my mom's hospice nurse.  I knew Ma was dying days before.  I heard the death rattle; a sound I have heard come from a dying person in the past.

My role as Ma's caregiver is coming to an end.  Is today the day she will get on the bus to heaven?

Her end came fast, exactly as I had hoped would be the outcome to all of my efforts these last five years.  My mom was walking on Thursday.  A short walk that tired her quickly, but she walked with me and the hospice Chaplain.  She even was able to say her birth date; she remembered.  The last thing my mom said to me was, "Oh, your hair looks nice."  It did.  I was having a good hair day.

The pain from the UTI was causing mom lots of discomfort.  Dr. Barton's natural herb antibiotic mixture wasn't working anymore.  Pyridium wasn't helping.  My mom had no other options to ease her discomfort.  I saw my mom jumping off the toilet and crying, buckled over in pain.  I ran and found the doctor and told her about my mom's discomfort.  We determined it was time for her to have a low dose of morphine.

I was nervous.  In my heart I knew that once we started morphine my mom would relax and her life would end.  We stopped all natural medicines.  Morphine took the edge off and made her comfortable.

Friday my mom was sound asleep when I arrived early, hoping to see her before the snow storm came and crippled the city.  Mom did see me briefly when I helped her out of her wheelchair and tucked her in her bed with her baby.  The last time I would ever see my mom smile at me and look at me with her eyes.  I didn't want to leave, but I did.

Friday afternoon my mom woke up from her nap during the raging blizzard and was wide awake and alert.  She was wheeling herself around in her chair, smiling and greeting the staff.  I missed her last surge before she began to actively die.

Saturday we had a driving ban in the state because of the snow storm.  I couldn't get to see my mom.  She never got out of bed and was not very responsive to her environment.

Sunday I visited with my sister and my niece.  We heard the death rattle in her throat.  It scared me a little.  I had asked the nurse if the gurgling meant her end was near like I had read on the internet.  Mom's nurse teared up and shook her head yes.  Her decline happened fast.


Monday (yesterday) I sat with my mom.  She is unresponsive now with labored breathing.  I cried a lot.  I thought I was prepared for my mom passing.  I am not.  I suppose we are never ready to see someone that we love die.  Her breathing is labored.  Her time on Earth is coming to an end. 

Is today the day?

I believe that all of my efforts, caring for my mom were all worthwhile.  I believe that my mom suffered a lot less because she didn't take traditional pharmaceuticals to treat her dementia.  I had lots of good days with her, memories that will last my lifetime.  It was hard caring for my mom.  I did it.  I would do it again.  I will miss you Ma... time to get on the bus and be free from all this suffering.

9 comments:

  1. Susan, I have no words. My heart is breaking for you today and the days to come. Hugs, Kim

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  2. Peace to you and your mother.

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  3. Yes, yes, yes, yes, all your caring and loving your mother was worthwhile, don't ever doubt it. You made the last chapters of her life better, safe, comfortable, loving. peace

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  4. Sue,
    My heart just clenched for you.
    You indeed do so much for your mother.
    What a blessing you are to her.
    I remember you sharing the good days, the dancing to Frank Sinatra days and singing days. They make me smile to remember them.
    I'm a woman of Christian faith so I pray you feel the love of God and His peace as He wraps you in His might arms and comforts your heart.
    Well done Sue, well done my friend :)
    Thank you for sharing your journey.

    {{{HUGS}}}
    Kathy

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  5. im sorry sorry, sweetie...

    believe me, you have done anything a daughter could do. you should be proud..

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  6. Thank you all for your comments.

    Words can not express how bizarre it is to lose ones mother. I lost my dad almost 35 years ago and it did not leave me with the feeling that I have today.

    I have a hole in my heart, an emptiness that is hollow.

    I know that I did all that I could do. I fought the good fight for my mom because it is what she wanted.

    Years ago when she first started to lose her mind she told me that she wanted to be off all her pharma drugs. I told her "No Problem." It was a problem but I did it anyway.

    My personal mission was to help my mom live the best life she could with her diagnosis of Lewy Bodies Dementia. I had a vision 5 years ago of how to do it.

    My ideas were unconventional. I was reprimanded by oh so many well meaning care givers for not conforming to the norm.

    I followed my heart and let nothing stop me... nothing did.

    My mom, she is still alive at this time, comfortable and dying... she will be departing soon.

    Thank you all my readers for following our story. It was some adventure, huh?

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  7. Awwww how sad. I hope your darling Mum has now passed on and is at peace. {{{HUGS}}}

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  8. Chris,,, thank you. Jo passed on Valentine's Day. She went to dance with my dad. Very romantic end to her love story.

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